One Day at a Time.

After work, I picked up my daughter and dropped her at her boyfriend's, went home, ran three miles, cooled down, showered and then called Paul.

The conversation went much different than I thought it would.

As per the norm, I did most of the talking. Paul said I was right on with everything I said.

At the beginning he asked me what I wanted from our relationship. I told him that I've told him before. I told him that I wanted to find someone I could spend the rest of my life with and grow old. He said yes now he recalled and didn't say much after that. I started saying how I thought he wanted something different...that we weren't at the same place. He agreed.

Towards the beginning he also told me that he didn't want to lose me... He said he felt guilty for not being what I wanted and not spending more time with me. He said he felt overwhelmed with job (loss of work), house, and juggling everything else. I asked some questions, he answered and then I elaborated on what he said...he agreed with my analysis.

I told him I wanted both of us to be happy. I told him that I didn't think either of us was happy right now and that it wasn't fair to neither him or I. He agreed.

I told him I felt like I was doing all the talking. He agreed but said that I was right about everything I was saying (regarding how I thought he felt about things and what I thought he was thinking).

At some point in the middle of our conversation, I told him sometimes it pays to analyze and he laughed. He said yes it does. I told him that was what I longed to do...analyze things and help people...but lack of money is keeping me from my dream job...

It was a good conversation. It was a civil conversation.

I told him I didn't want to go looking for anyone else... He mentioned something about match.com and me going on there. I told him I wasn't ever doing that again. That I had no interest in going looking. That I maybe I've been looking too hard. He said he wasn't going to go looking either.

I told him that it sounded like our timing was off. He agreed.

In the end, we decided to date when ever... No expectations... And if one of us chooses to date someone else, that we would tell the other person before we go out with them. Paul said he had veto rights...Ummm...no...LOL! ;P

Paul asked if he could have a date...asked me to go away for July 4th weekend. I told him it was already on my calendar. He asked if it was in pencil. I said I don't use pencils. He laughed and said then it's a date as it's written in ink. We laughed together. I asked him if he would still go to the Kid Rock concert with me, he said yes...

I don't want to be alone... I don't want to be unhappy... I like Paul...he likes me. He actually admitted that he didn't tell me often enough but that I mean a lot to him. Who knows...

We'll see what the future holds.

For now, I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

No expectations.

No plans.

Just me and one day at a time...