Break Time

Not really sure what to say today.

I have mixed emotions about yesterday's conversation with Paul. I'm glad that things are finally aired out. I wish he would have told me that he wasn't in a place to be someone's steady boyfriend last month after the incident. He said he can't be an everyday boyfriend now… He said he didn't want to lose me…

This morning I woke up thinking I may have put myself in the same situation I was in with Drew. But I don't think that's the case. I talked to Paul again this morning and voiced my concern and told him that as soon as either of started looking for someone that we had to tell the other person. He agreed. I told him that I got screwed over and didn't want it to happen again… He understood. He said that he wasn't going to go out looking for someone. He told me again that he didn't want to lose me; that he enjoyed being with me (and who wouldn't! :))…blah, blah, blah…

I just need to be happy with me. I'm not in the mood or the frame of mind to go out looking for someone else. I like that I have someone I can call and go out with without thinking about where things are heading and what's going on.

I don't even want to speculate about what is going to happen in the future.

I don't want to out looking for that special someone (okay, there is a small part that does…ugh!).

I just think I've been trying too hard and wanting it too much…trying to MAKE it happen because I want it so badly.

I think I need a break…and not a breaking heart…