Comfort Zone

Just got off the phone with Paul a little bit ago. I thought I'd call to see if we could firm up plans for tomorrow and he brings up this past weekend.

He starts by saying something about this Sunday and him feeling guilty. Seems that at his daughter's game on Sunday, his ex gets dropped off by her boyfriend and Paul drives him, his daughter and his ex to his ex's house, hangs out there for a half hour and then drives them all to the other daughter's game. So him and his ex were hanging out for an hour before the game and all during the game. Seems that they often sit by each other and chat it up whenever I don't go to the games with him. He starts bringing all this other stuff up, too. Unknown schedules during the summer, how his mom and his ex get along, how family may be coming in over Memorial day and the ex may be invited over, etc, etc, etc...

At first I just sat there and cried (I don't think he knew I was crying) when he said that he felt guilty and told me about Sunday. After dealing with little sleep last night and a migraine all day, this was the last thing I wanted to hear or wanted to be talking about. I told him that part of me thought no big deal and that part of me was uncomfortable with it.

I think, and I told Paul, that what bothered me the most was that he said he felt guilty. I mean, why should he feel guilty about driving someplace with the ex? Well, he said guilty wasn't the right word... He said he had to think about how he wanted to bring it up with me. Er...umm...Sue, this, this and this happened...end of story. What is there to think about? Well, says Paul, this has been an issue in the past and I didn't know how you were going to react. I tell him that he shouldn't have to hide things from me and should just talk to me about them as they happen. He says he doesn't want to hide things. I tell him I'm glad that he told me and was honest with me and that I hope he continues to tell me these things because it allows us to talk things out. He says he doesn't like talking about things (I think he meant issues). Okay, whatever. Then he goes on to say that he told me all this stuff because he wanted to make me aware and he wanted to see how I was going to react... Okay... That's why it's good to TALK about things.

As a side note - during our conversation it came out that Paul and the ex talked about "the incident" at some length. Apparently the bitch was put out that their relationship crosses the line and that I am standing up and saying so. Too fucking bad is what I think. Paul also inferred, AGAIN, that I am not the only one who thinks their relationship isn't normal. No shit, really?!?! Big surprise there. But, hey, at least he did tell her to back off, right? Yes. And I'm glad for that. ::sigh::

I'm hurt that he feels guilty (even if he says he doesn't that is the word he used and I'm stuck on it). I am glad he did tell me. I hate that this is such an issue for us. I'm concerned that now it seems that he is over thinking things (Paul actually brought that up first). I wonder if it's just a matter of finding the right comfort zone with all of this ex stuff. And I basically told him all of this.

I mentioned that things probably seem tense because "the incident" is still so fresh in both our minds. He agreed. I mean, Friday night was the first time we had gone out in over a month. ::sigh, again:: It was a really good weekend. I told him this and he agreed with that, too.

At some point, Paul asked, again, if I feel threatened by her. I don't think I do. But do I? Or am I reacting to their very unconventional relationship?

I'm just super tired. I'm glad he told me, but I'm not completely comfortable with it. Maybe over time I will be (comfortable with it), but right now...it's just out of my comfort zone.