If I can't run....

If I can't run, I'll....

Do some laundry

Vacuum for the umteenth time

Work on the reunion for three or four hours this morning - post pics on facebook and then tag approximately 300 pictures, update contacts list, make some phone calls

Drive with my daughter over to her boyfriend's (she drove - and is getting better!)

Bake - 11 ginormous cookies (5 - 6" across!) and two pans of milk chocolate butterscotch cookie bars (going to be seeing some family and friends...gotta have treats to give away!)

Cook dinner - rice, veggie and chicken bake

Drink some red wine!

Lots of things to do besides run! ;)

BQ

Ohhhhhh to BQ. (That would be Boston Qualify.)

To be able to run the Boston Marathon, one has to qualify for it. My age range qualifying time is 3:50:59...which would equate to a 8:46m/pace. Which means I'd have to cut 18 minutes off of my time based on my first marathon.

I have been running faster with the cooler weather on my training runs. And I've been PRing (setting personal records) at the last two 5k races I've ran. I mean, at my last 5k race at the beginning December, I ran close to 50 seconds faster per minute than I did back in July...and 40 seconds faster per minute than I did in August, 10 seconds faster per minute than I did in November... The colder it gets, the faster I seem to run.

So it could be possible...

If this injury clears up and I continue my training, without any big hiccups - fingers crossed!, for the Martian Marathon in April...maybe...just maybe...

I'll BQ.

(and if not, I'll be happy just finishing!)

Another Day, No Run

Yup, you got that right...another day gone by and we have day seven of no running.

This morning I got up and worked a little more on the reunion contact list. My 25 Year High School Reunion will be here in just 8 short months. And I'm coordinating the entire thing! I've found about 175 people...just 200ish more to go! LOL!!! Okay, not so funny. I really need to get in gear. Need to start collecting money soon, too. Ugh. Someone tell my why I volunteered to do this???

I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon cleaning out my computer cabinet - that would be two or three hours of cleaning! I had stuff I had completely forgotten about. Some stuff I'm glad I found - like my daughter's birth certificate! Thought I had lost that for sure. Other stuff I'm not so glad I had to go through - binders and binders of old Friend of the Court papers, divorce papers, old pictures and cards... Why the heck did I keep all that crap???? Should I mention the bag of dog toys and the bag of partially chewed dog bones I pulled off of one, yes, one, shelf?! Oy!

After cleaning, I went out and shoveled the snow. Not too bad. Didn't take long. But I really think I need to work on my core muscles. My back...weak! Last year when I was in the gym lifting, no problems...this year not quite the case. Any who... When I was shoveling I saw some Yaktrak tracks in the snow on my sidewalk! So, I get done and do a little jog on the sidewalk to test out the ole adductor. Not good. I could still feel it a little bit. If I hadn't felt anything, I would have definitely gone for a run. But I'm not going to push it. I know I can get back to it relatively quickly. Plus, I have a race coming up...so wanna be good for the 4 miler on New Years Eve! :)

I miss my daily run. It's my daily therapy. I run out the bad. I run to celebrate the good. I run to see how far I can push myself. I run for others. And I run to just run for the fun of running!

But alas, it was another day and no run.
But maybe tomorrow!

Me

Obviously not ready to date yet.

I am not in a "man loving" place right now.

Definitely not in a very trusting place.

And I don't want to latch on to anyone either...there is a pattern of me doing this.

Latching and not trusting do not make a good mix.

I'm just not ready...and that's okay.

I'm beginning to like being with me! :)

Brooks who?

Stupid, stupid, stupid adductor pull/strain!!!!! My chiropractor said it was some specific muscle or tendon, but I forget, and when she rubbed on it...Yowie!!!! I thought I was going to hit the ceiling. She told me to massage it, but I can't find the sore spot. And I don't have anyone to try and find it for me. Double shucksers! ;)

I am not happy about not running.

I keep checking the weather, but then think who cares...cause I can't run! No need to know what the temp is or which way the wind is blowing if I'm not going to gear up to head outside for a run.

Not to mention trying to temper my food and drink intake. What a pain in the hinney! Literally! I'm not used to paying attention...so I've been eating away. Oink! Oink! LOL!!!

...now where are my favorite yoga pants...

My poor Brooks running shoes...they sure are being neglected. They are just sitting in their spot in my room...a constant reminder of running neglect.

Speaking of neglect, there are my dogs. They are going nuts! Imagine two crazy Siberian Huskies not being walked for five days. Since they are attention mongers as it is...it's gotten 100 times worse. I can't sit at the computer without one of them nosing me to be petted. Oy!

If this thing doesn't heal soon, I'm going to be walking by my running shoes and thinking...

...Brooks who???

The Greatest Gift

To me, the greatest gift one could give is themselves - their time, caring, support and encouragement, their heart, lending an ear or shoulder when needed, a special moment shared here and there...just being there and being a true friend.


My wish to you:

May the season fill your heart with love,

warmth,

happiness

and hope

today

and each day throughout the year.

Christmas Eve Fortune

"Money will come to you when you are doing the right thing" in bed.

Today, at my Aunt's, we all had to read our Christmas Fortune out of a fortune cookie and add "in bed" to it.

Mine is pretty fitting, huh?

Now I just need to find someone to help me make the fortune come true!!!!

(And not by selling myself either - I know you were thinking that Richard!)

Scroogey Sue Grinch

Yupper...that's me...

Waiting for either Cindy Loo Hoo to come warm my heart or the three Ghosts of Christmas to show me how F-ed up past Christmases have been, what a sorry ass I am this year and how much I have to look forward to! ;P

How's that for a great spirit of the season?

Grumpy

This explains a lot ---> “Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments.” Henry Ward Beecher Then again, I think I expect too much.

Argh, I am in a shitty ass mood today.

I am not a fan of the holidays. Everyone putting on a happy face and pretending everything is perfect and there isn't a care in the world...when five minutes before they were probably cussing someone out in the store, pushing them out of the way, grabbing the last ___ out of some grandma's hand, honking at the slow driver and flipping them off... Fake! It's all fake!!!!!!!

Stupid adductor muscle strain. A freakin' week of no running.

Sent two emails to my friend in LA with no response. I'm thinking of cancelling the trip out there. I don't need the drama or the headache or the games! Men! Ugh!

Top that off with horrible PMS mood swings exacerbated by perimenopause...

Dreading going to my Aunt's house tomorrow...booze is the only thing that will keep me sane!

Add to that two whiney dogs who act like they never get petted or any attention what-so-ever...

...is making for one grumpy ass Sue!!!!!

Unexpected Spice

Hmmmmm...the unexpected.

Unexpected injury. Unexpected phone calls. Unexpected dreams. Unexpected spills. Unexpected....well, lots of things.

My adductor muscle is feeling better than it did this afternoon. Maybe it was just overuse... ::fingers crossed!!!!:: We'll see how it feels tomorrow. I'm gonna take tomorrow off from running, too, just to play it safe.

The other day I talked to Jaba. It was a very civil conversation. A 20 minute conversation about a lot of different things. Part of me is happy we talked civilly...another part of me is wondering what he has lurking up his sleeve.

The other night I dreamt I nearly missed a car crash and drove my car off the road...didn't get hurt. Same night later in the dream or perhaps a different dream I dreamt I rode my bicycle off of the side of a 20 - 30 ft cliff and sort of floated down...didn't get hurt at all.

Shit, I'm spilling stuff all the time. I suppose that's not so unexpected after all! LOL!!!

This passed weekend I saw a sawed off blurry pic of me in someones singles profile. Nice and tacky! Ah well... Initially I was pissed off...now I could give two shits. Time to move on to bigger and better things. I deserve it damn it!

Unexpected migraine Saturday night. Ugh.

Unexpected good time Sunday...and sort of expected visit from him at work today. Nice to see him since he'll be gone on vacation and away for work until Mid-January-ish. Completely unexpected that I enjoy spending time with him and talking with him.

Unexpected stuff with my daughter this evening...screwing up my evening plans...

Unexpected can be good and unexpected can be bad...

Overall, I'd have to say that sometimes we need the unexpected...it adds spice to what could be a rather mundane life!

Adductor Melt Down

OMG, I am freaking out!  

 

Last night during my run, my left adductor muscles (groin) were bothering me.  But I just ran through it.  The pain would come and go.  I really wasn't paying too much attention to it - too busy dodging cars and ice since the sidewalks were too dangerous to run on!  Today...I can feel it when I walk!  Twinge!  Twinge!  Twinge!  And it seems to be getting worse as time goes on today.  ARGH!!!!

 

I am not happy about this at all!!!!

 

Apparently, it takes anywhere from 2 - 6 weeks for healing.  WTF? 

 

I mean, WTF am I supposed to do without running????? 

 

Running is the only constant thing in my life right now and without running...without all my running highs...without all my running endorphins...without all my running off of all the cookies and goodies...combined with the perimenopause...

 

AHHHHHH!!!!!! 

 

Melt down!

 

Please let me only down and out for a couple days...I NEED to run. :(

Let Me Off!!!!

Wow. What a difference a day makes. I feel like an emotional train wreck right now. I swear it must have something to do with perimenopause. Unreal. I mean, the week before has always been a wild emotional rollercoaster of an ordeal. But now...it's just plain unbearable.

Weekend was good except for the migraine on Saturday. (hmmmm...I got one a month ago, oh lord, this sounds perimenpausal, too, now that I think about it. UGH!)

Today, I got home from work, put on my running gear and ran 4.67 miles outside. It was a great run. I felt awesome and elated - you know, the runner's high! - and was dancing and singing around the house after I got home. Two or three hours later...balling my eyes out.

Now here I sit pondering WTF is going on. And searching the web! LOL!!!

Sure enough everything I've been experiencing...perimenopause... Hot flashes (night sweats), irregular periods, mood swings, difficulty sleeping, worsening PMS, fuzzy thinking, breast pain, unwanted hair growth, stiffness/joint pain (although this could be running induced), craving sweets/carbs, weight gain (yes, even with all the running, I've gained weight)...

I just want this torrid ride to stop...

Someone please let me off!!!!

Dear Richard...

Since this is how you keep tabs on me....

Had a fab time on my date with SpongeBob (long story) tonight!

As you know, we went ice skating (I finally found the right place!!!) and then out for a bite to eat...didn't get home until ~11! Once I got home, I had to bake some cheesey potatoes for my potluck at work tomorrow, which just came out of the oven, and now I'm off to bed.

Just thought I'd let you and the rest of the world know! :)

(sorry, I couldn't resist! LOL!!!!)

Hmmmm...

Yeah.... Hmmm...

Things that make you go hmmmm... Like men that make you go hmmmm... Where the heck are they????? OMG, I'm dieing over here! I'm in my 40's! The prime of my life! I need a cub and quick! LOL!!!

Seriously though...things have been going along. I've been doing pretty good on my own. Ya know...the single life.

I've been doing a lot of running. Yes, even in the cold Michigan weather. Even in the negative wind chill weather. Even in the 30 mph gusting wind weather.... I'll be running 3-4 tomorrow and then 9 - 12 this weekend. Gotta keep going to be ready for the Martian Marathon so I can qualify for BOSTON!!!!

Any who...this isn't about running. So....

I went out tonight... It was okay. No big spark. No this is the one. No I can't wait to see him again.

I think I have a date on Sunday. Not sure if it's a real date or not...it's a long story. But I sure am looking forward to it! I've known this guy at work for a few years and we are both single now... So we're doing something on Sunday...tbd. I'll let ya know how it goes!

I dunno. I'm not ready to get involved...but I feel like I want someone around.

I don't mind being alone...but I miss having someone in my life.

I keep going back and forth.

I know I'm not mentally ready to be in a relationship right now.

But...

Maybe I just need a good man to make me go....

Hmmmmm... ;)

Hee, hee, hee!

Crazy Runner Chick!

Not cold (35*F), nor wind, nor drizzle (yes, drizzle for most of the run), nor black ice...not to mention dreariness/lack of sun will keep me from my run!

 

That was Sunday's run ---> 8.4 miles dodging black ice in the drizzly dreary weather. And why is it I only saw male runners on the road/path yesterday???? Hmmm…one was pretty cute! Alas, I can't tackle all the men I see running down Hines Drive!

 

Last Thursday I ran 3.48 miles in 15*F (feels like -2*F) with 39mph winds before a Christmas Party. Wow, that was cold and rough! I need some better gloves for that kind of weather…for sure! Saturday I ran a quick 6.5 miles.

 

I'm thinking I actually like this winter weather running! :) I know I like it better than running in the summer heat!

 

I do want to get a pair of compression tights, but at ~$100 a pop…I'm gonna have to wait until after the holidays. Ohhhh and not to mention the new Brooks Defyance 3 are out now!!!! I'm going to have to go test them out at a running shoe store! And I have a feeling that I'm gonna wanna pair of those, too!  Drats...mo money, mo money, mo money!  You'd think running would be relatively inexpensive...but NO!  Argh!  LOL!!!!!

 

Sheesh, today is a day of rest…and all I can think about is running!

 

I am a Crazy Runner Chick!!!!

Slacker!

Wow...can't believe it's been a week since I've written last...

So last Saturday a.m., I ran a 5K Jingle Bell run and ran my fastest time ever! 23:35 overall which is a 7:36/m pace!!!! WoooHooo!!!! Should I mention it was only 21* F????

I have to admit that I'm getting tired of going to these races alone. I would love to find a running buddy who shares my passion and tromps about with me at all these things. I see everyone around me with a group or friend...and then I start feeling lonely... Not to mention no one at the finish to share my personal victories.

Sunday I stopped into Beyond Reality and got myself a new tattoo!!! Completely impulsive and I had only planned on getting suggestions for a design...but then decided to go for it! She's a Runner Girl to celebrate finishing my first marathon (26.2 miles).



Last night, I ran in my first snow of the year. It was soooo exhilarating! Okay, so it was only flurries, but enough so that the flakes were flying up my nose. Ick!

My next race is on New Year's Eve...a four miler... I decided I'm done with dating, done with the drama...just done...with everything to do with men for a while....so, why not race on New Year's Eve?!?!?! LOL!!!

The Martian Marathon is in April 2010...18 weeks away. My training started this week and out of the shoot it's is pretty much the same distances I've been running the past four or five weeks, so I should be fine. I've been considering adding some speed training and trying to better my time so that I can qualify for BOSTON! Wow...to BQ (Boston Qualify)... A dream... A goal... All I need to do is better my marathon time by 18 minutes. Yup, that's all! LOL!!! ;P Technically, if I better the last five miles time - that would shave off 8ish minutes...then it's just 10! ;)

Got my Yaktraks in the mail today! Which means no worries for ice and snow! But I do want to get a pair of CW-X compression insulator tights. At $100 a piece, I'm gonna have to wait until after Christmas. I bought this killer Brooks jacket...wore it last night...worth every penny of $150!

What else....

Work is super crazy busy. Very thankful for my job...but very much looking forward to Christmas Break.

Christmas... I'm a humbug. I have a two foot tree on my mantel. That's about it for decoration. Really not in the spirit of things this year... I'm thankful and content...but seem a bit unsettled.

Really need to get back working on the reunion... July will be here before I know it. I still have to find a couple hundred people...ugh.

I think that's about it for now...

Gotta do a little better at posting more often and not being such a slacker! ;P

Here Waiting.

I have so much I want to say, but I'm not going to out of respect for not splashing Paul's life all over my blog. Let's just say that I'm done...it's over...and good-bye.

No more looking.

No more searching.

No more trying to make things work.

No more time spent on BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEPERS! ;D

If love wants to find me...I'll be here waiting...

Last Post for the Month

Phew...Finally! LOL!!!

Rough wake up this a.m. after being off for four days....and a long day at work....followed by a 5 mile run in 38*F (feels like 33*F) weather....

What more could a girl want than a pair of Brooks and the open road????

...and that, my friends, is it for the month of the November.

One more...

post until the end of National Bloggers Posting month...

Ugh. Can't wait. Right now I feel compelled to post even if it's gibberish.

Ran 5 miles this a.m. and then went and finished cleaning my grandma's house. Now her house is cleaner than mine! Oy! LOL!!!

Now to find the time to clean mine...

No running tomorrow...have to get the leaves done. There are just clumps here and there, but need to get them up before the snow!

Ah well...one more post and then...back to normal!

Draining

What an emotionally draining day.

Too tired to write about it now...

Grandparents, Paul, just lots of things.

Detroit Turkey Trot 10K

Gobble, Gobble!!!!!

Got up at 5:45 a.m. to pouring rain and 43* F...and dreading the 10k run through Detroit... I wear my old running shoes because I don't want to get the newer ones soggy and pack three changes of clothes to take with me. I don't want to be waiting around or driving home in soggy clothes.

My girlfriend, C, picks me up shortly after 6 a.m. and we head into the D. (That would be the wonderful city of Detroit!) As we're driving, the closer we get to the D, the more it looks like it hasn't even rained! So I'm thinking I must have a storm cloud over my house! LOL!!!

We get downtown and I have a parking pass for Cobo Garage, so we wait in a long, long line of cars. It was worth it because we just had a short jaunt from the car to the inside of Cobo. We used the restroom and met up with my manager and his son. Just so happens my manager has a crush on C and was paging her to meet up!

We stretch a bit and chat and before we know it, it's time to head over toward the start line. We follow the masses of people.

We arrive to the start area, but are no where near the start line. I'm worried because I was wanting to make good time and there were thousands, literally, in front of us. So, they are chatting and all I can do is think about everyone in front of us...while jumping up and down to stay warm and not tighten up.

You'd think with 12,000+ people registered, some with dogs and strollers, that they would have had us line up by time - you know with the fastest in the front and the slower folks in the back...but no such luck.

It probably took us a good two or three minutes to actually reach the start line... I said see ya later to my friends and off I went.

What a disaster! I weaved in and out of people for the first three miles. It was exhausting! There were a couple of abandoned cars in the road; at which point I followed a couple faster runners up onto the sidewalk. Then it was more weaving around walkers, joggers, strollers...all while watching for potholes in the road. I was ticked off! And even though I was ticked, I did say "sorry", "sorry", "sorry" every time I squeezed passed someone. It's just common courtesy~

Finally, a little past mile three, things cleared up and I was able to run somewhat without weaving. Around that time, there was this girl, younger than me, in pink, who was not running in a straight line. One of my pet peeves...straight line people! I eventually got around her and then it was like the two of us were racing. She would pass me, I would pass her, we would be running neck-in-neck...

About mile five, we had a slight hill to go up and off I zoom past her... Hee, hee, hee... Us runners do that. Find someone in front of us and pick them off... Oh that person up there...I'm gonna pass him/her! Then pick off another one. ;)

This girl in the pink, she was a good runner and I was thankful that we were "racing" each other. Made me go a bit faster!

Right before mile 6 we had to go through this tunnel...it was pretty cool. After we get out...who's next to me but the girl in the pink. Now we can see the finish line and we both pour it on. All I can think is...there is no way this young whipper snapper is gonna beat me. Zooooom! Ha! I beat her! ;P It's the little things like that which make a race fun...well, at least for me. If I would have seen her after I stopped, I would have told her - good run and thanks for the race! :) Alas, I didn't see her.

Now I am on the hunt for some water... Go inside Cobo...mass confusion. People everywhere... No water to be found. Finally, I spot this guy carrying a carton of water...ATTACK! I grab a water and down it... Still thirsty. Spot another guy...Attack (smaller attack, less thirsty!). The line for food was ridiculously long. I didn't even get a banana or a bagel or anything!

I was really disappointed because I was looking forward to my first 10k and the Turkey Trot itself. Very, very poorly organized. Unless they make changes and document them, I will not be doing the Detroit Turkey Trot again.

Although...even with all the weaving and my old shoes, I did make good time!

As of now, these are my results...
Distance 10K
Clock Time 54:01
Chip Time 51:47
Pace 8:10
Age Division Place 24 / 276
Split 31:45 (a little before mile 4)
Female Runner Place 253 / 3098

Next race....Jingle Bell 5K on December 5th!

Edited to add pics I found online! LOL!!!!

I'm the blurry girl in blue in the background...I must have been looking at the girl in pink thinking...Where the 'f' did she come from?! LOL!!!


Here's the chick in pink...my blue arm next to her! LOL!!!!

Happy Turkey Day

Gobble, Gobble!!!!

Will be writing a novel of an entry tomorrow... ;)

Coming Home

Thanksgiving is tomorrow...everyone is talking about what they are thankful for, posting what they are thankful for, tweeting what they are thankful for...

I am extremely thankful for my daughter. I am thankful for the fabulous, open relationship that I have with her. Thankful that she trusts me enough to talk to me about anything...and come to me with her problems...

My daughter will be 18 soon. She'll be graduating high school and moving on to college. It's a time when most kids leave home. For most parents, it's a time of letting go and letting their children be on their own.

Not for me! My daughter will be COMING HOME! Yup, you got that right! ::happy dance:: ::tears of joy:: Coming home...God, I love that phrase! :)

When she turns 18 she will be moving out of Jaba's house and in with me. I'm crossing my fingers that she doesn't get suckered into Jaba's evil web of lies... There's a whole lot more to the story...but I don't have time to get into the sickening details. It kills me that she has had to go through all of this. But I'm glad that she is seeing him for the evil shell of a person he truly is.

I'm just so very, very thankful for my daughter...my precious, precious gift...that will be soon coming home to me... (OMG, fingers crossed extremely tightly!!!!!!)

Ack!

Turned computer back on to get today's post in!

Dreamland

OMG, it's been ridiculously busy at work. I was hoping to have some time to write a bit more about this past weekend...alas, not able to. Drats!

I did have the most bizarre dream last night. I dreamt I was pregnant and had a baby in the middle of a car/some neighborhood/somewhere... The baby was fine...a boy...Chris... But the umbilical cord wasn't getting cut and was hanging from me to the baby. No one would help me. I'm yanking the cord out (gross, I know), but they just couldn't be bothered. The baby wanted to feed and had a full set of adult teeth and was nipping at me. Never bit me...but was chomping for sure! I finally woke up when I saw a girlfriend (with a beard!) on a motorcycle with some guy. She couldn't be bothered either. Weird.

Well...7 a.m. meeting tomorrow...so I better head off to bed.

Wonder what dreamland will hold for me tonight!

Entry for the Day

This posting every day stuff...it's getting old!

I still have to get my thoughts down about yesterday's race...not to mention last night.

Today I got up and it was almost 11 a.m. when I rolled out of bed. Of course, I didn't sleep the whole time...but I was in bed late today! And no running...ugh!

I went shopping with my sis today and on the way home saw several runners. I felt guilty for not running and I desperately wanted to join them!

I had a great time with my sis...just hanging out and shopping. I couldn't have asked for a better sis! I love her dearly. We're best friends and always tell each other like it is...a quality I highly value in all of my friends.

Not to much else going on. It's gonna be a short work week due to Gobbler Day. I was thinking about that today. What a completely bogus holiday. Celebrate the Pilgrims and the Indians coming together and then the Pilgrims eventually obliterate the Indians....and we celebrate anyway??? I don't get it.

Any who...

That's my entry for the day. :)

Blitzen the Dotte 5K

Blitzen the Dotte 5K

0:24:00 overall
7:75/m pace
2nd in my age group
92nd out of 442 overall

More later...

LA Countdown!!!!!

Dork.

That's me. A dork.

My facebook status: "If I'm a cougar....where are all my cubs???"

I know...completely lame! But, hey, I'm having fun and what's the harm?

Plus....I'm going to LA!!!!! Ticket is purchase and I can't wait! WoooHoo!!!! Only 56 more days... ;P Which gives me lots of time to heal and not be such a man hater!

Ran five miles today. Have a 5K on Saturday.

Going out Saturday night to listen to a band that I like.

Talked with my good friend in GA tonight for a while tonight.

Guess things are looking up and I am in a fabulous mood!!!!

...even if I am a dork! LOL!!!!

Drip, Drip, Drip

OMG, I'm going to go crazy!

Paul was supposed to fix my gutters for me...months ago!

Here it is raining...and all I can hear is Drip. Drip. Drip, drip, drip. Drip. Drip, drip...

WTF????

I'm going to pull my freaking hair out!

What a DRIP!

2009 Lightfest 8K

Ran a fun run/walk tonight in the dark... It was very cool, since the road we ran/walked down was all lit up with these huge holiday light displays.

I went alone and ran alone and road home alone...

When I was running I thought to myself that it would be really romantic to be running down the road with someone special. (Okay, now I know I'm sick because I can relate running to romance! LOL!!!!!)

At the beginning of the run I took my time, looked at the lights and ran past all the couples, families and other folks walking together. I loved the lights. But it made me a bit melancholy that I was out there in such beauty running by myself...no one to share my thoughts with...no one to look over at and smile...

Probably about two/two and a half miles in some runners started passing me. Mostly men. (Ha!) So I picked up the pace a bit. More and more youngin's were passing me in spurts of two, three, four. Eventually, I tuned the sites out and just ran. I was tired of feeling alone, so I got caught up in the "fun" of the "run".

I think it took me about 45 minutes to finish. The timer said 38 minutes, but I started at least 3 minutes prior to the actual start.

I meandered over to the shelter where the food was being passed out. I got my water and a bagel and headed towards the bus. I sat on the bus alone. No one really said anything...everyone else was there with someone...whether it was a friend, someone special, a group... But I just sat there and looked out the window as the bus took us back to the start.

I am glad I went.

I ran and it was fun and it was really pretty.

But I'm a little sad about it, too...being there alone and not really sharing it with anyone.

So that's it...2009 Lightfest....

Oh, I forgot to mention, I got a glow stick and ran with it wrapped around my ankle! LOL!!! ;P It's the little things! :)

LA Bound

Oh yeah baby....

Gotta check schedules and budget...but I'm outta here and flying off soon!

What to do...

Yes, what to do, what to do...

I have a list of things a mile and a half long that I could be doing...but I don't want to do any of them. Don't want to fold clothes, don't want to paint trim, don't want to clean the floors, don't want to flip mattresses, don't want to go pick up poop from the yard... Don't want to do any of that "fun" stuff!

So what will I do today?

Hmmm... I could go running... Maybe. Went for a 8.67 mile run yesterday. Met a cyclist named Chris. Seems Chris sees me running every weekend, so he thought he would say hello. We chatted while he biked and I ran for at least a mile or so then I ran out of steam and actually had to stop. We parted ways and who knows...I'm sure I'll see him again next time I run on the weekend down the road...

Or I could go to the gym... Haven't been to the gym in ages. But don't really feel like cross training just yet. I have a couple more races and don't want to get all tightened up. I suppose I could go and jump rope...but that's only about 30 minutes or so...then what? ::sigh::

Obviously, it seems I'm trying to avoid contact with men. I just don't want to get sucked in and I don't feel like dealing with the relationship games...

Maybe I'll take the dogs for a walk around the hood.

...then I'll figure out the next thing to do...

Why...

Why is it that the person we want to forget about is on our minds the most?

I feel immensely lonely...

But I have to say that even if he wanted me back and was willing to give me the world...I don't think I have anything left to give.

I just don't understand why things have to be the way they are.

Or why things play out the way they do.

I don't understand alot of things...and am left wondering why...

Almost Forgot!

Yupper, almost forgot to post today...was getting ready for bed and remembered!

Going to get up in the a.m. and go for a 7 - 10 mile run... Just a quick jaunt! ;)

Tomorrow night...out with the girls! :)

Trying to keep myself busy so I don't think about ... you know who...

Looks like I almost forgot about a lot of things...

12 Days of Christmas...running style!

I love this!

On the 12th day of Christmas, my running buddy gave to me:
12 packs of energy gel
11 hand-warming gloves
10 race entries
9 inspiring cards
8 pairs of socks
7 nutritional supplements
6 massage sessions (consult your local sports-massage therapists)
5 golden medals (these can't be bought of course, but motivation and support will help)
4 books on running
3 pairs of running shoes
2 coaching videos
... and a trip to a far-away marathon

Mean Spirited Driver

I was out running around my neighborhood this evening and some woman ran a stop sign and almost ran right into me. I was wearing this extremely reflective vest that would blind anyone! In fact, my daughter's boyfriend was over tonight when I got home and couldn't believe I actually wear it. Anyway, I waved my arms in the air and was like "WTF" and kept running down the sidewalk, not really thinking anything of it other than she was clueless.

She must have turned around and followed me three blocks down the road because she almost ran into me AGAIN when I was crossing another street. To add fuel to the fire, she had her window down and was telling me off...all with her young daughter in the car...then she tried hitting me with her car... It was the first time I've ever had to pound on anyone's hood... I couldn't believe it...and yelled at her that it wasn't my fault and that if she would have stopped at the stop sign, there wouldn't be an issue. There were other cars stopped at the second street stop sign and I think she finally figured out that she was in the wrong because she sped away...

Unreal...

I was truly scared for the rest of my run and kept wondering if she was still following me. :(

I may have to start carrying my cell phone...if I had it, I would have called the police on the spot. I've never been scared like that before. I felt completely cornered because she cut me off with her car. Flesh vs. metal...don't have to tell me who would win.

Some people are just down right mean spirited!

Upcoming Race

Oh boy...next Saturday is my first race since the Marathon...and my first race since August.

I'm a little nervous. What if I don't do well? What if I don't place? What if I run like a slug? What if it's snowy and super cold?

I've got all these expectations... (Again, the expectations!) Seems sometimes I let the expectations get the best of me and my relationships. But in my relationships...I deserve the BEST! :) As for my running...I'm just nervous. I've been doing so well...and I don't want to let myself down.

The upcoming race is a 5K, so I'm shooting for no more than 0:26:00 overall which is an 8:22/m pace. Today I ran at an 8:52/m pace for 3.72 miles, not out of breath and not sweaty at the end...I'm sure I can knock 30 seconds off of that pace...

Blah, blah, blah...

...one of these days I'll post something joyful. Argh!

5 Stages

5 Stages of Grief...

1. Denial - all gone, I'm no longer there. I've realize it's not meant to be. :(

2. Anger - oh yeah...every now and then. :

3. Bargaining - Yup did that already...back and forth, back and forth like a yo-yo. It didn't work. :(

4. Depression - I'd have to say that I have a little bit of that. :(

5. Acceptance - Trying to be there, but fighting it...which is probably why I'm angry and depressed! :~

Just wish I could blink and be through them all...or just RUN through them all!

Running Away...

It seems the evenings are the worst...I'm left alone with my thoughts...

::sigh::

Ran five miles with my girlfriend this afternoon. It was another lovely afternoon - sun shining, light breeze, 68* F... A wonderful fall afternoon.

I could have ran forever...

...sometimes I just want to run and not stop running...maybe then everything will be okay.

Puts a new spin on the definition of running away, huh?

New Beginnings

Still a few hours left in the day...not sure what to say about it so far...

Slept in this morning and then got up and goofed off for a while. After that, drove over to Hines and ran ~7 miles. It was my first longish run since the marathon. I mindlessly ran down the road...just me alone with my thoughts. Dangerous, huh? LOL!

Going to be getting ready to meet a friend up at BWW's... I need to get out of the house more often and have some fun. Bad thing is....no $$$! Can't wait for child support payments to come to and end. Only eight more months! WooHoo!!!!!!

Hmmmm...

I figured out that the path I run down is really .27 miles longer than it says it is on the sign. Ha! I wonder how much that would increase my time down the path... I'll have to check my spreadsheet on Monday since it's on my work laptop and the laptop is..at work. I knew that path was over 4 miles! LOL!!! Can you say OCD????

Well, I should take a shower and get ready. Never know who you may meet or run into when one is out! ;P

According to my horoscope today: "If you keep a hopeful attitude and stay focused on the positive, you should start to sense a new beginning coming soon." I sure hope so! :)

Here's to new beginnings!!!

Breaking

I'm sitting here on a Friday night...alone...and sad.

I don't want to be alone and my heart is breaking over and over again. Tears keep streaming down my face like an endless river going no where. Then the tears stop and I'm okay for a while. But then it starts back up again.

I don't like feeling like this. I don't like feeling sad and lonely and vunerable.

I want to call him...because I don't want to be alone...

But I won't...because I don't want to fall back into the same self destructing pattern.

For now, I'll just be alone and let my heart feel like it's breaking.

Added about an hour later: boy, I feel better...guess I just needed to get the bad stuff out...

Nevermind...breaking again... Bah! LOL!

Well, at least I can laugh about my yo-yo-ish breaking heart... Not really. :(

Quickie!

Work, run, daughter...

Had a really nice evening tonight...first time in a long time my daughter and I hung out together!!!!! :) :) :)

I miss her!

Train Wreck

What a shit ass day.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a crying headache - took two aspirins and went back to bed. I suppose the extra glass of wine I had before I went to bed didn't help my aching head either. No need to get into details about the crying or the extra wine...let's just say I talked to a certain someone and all the tears that were pent up from the last couple weeks came pouring out.

So this morning I get up, feed the dogs and get ready to take a shower. I look in the mirror...it was like I had been hit by a train. Bags under my eyes, eyes all puffy, hair flying all over the place, make-up under the eyes... Scary.

I get into the office and the fun begins. Meetings, meetings and mo meetings. Two hot assignments due and I was freaking out because both weren't getting the attention they needed. I actually put some extra time in the office to get one of the assignments completed...phew! But the other assignment is still open and still has tons of holes in it...holes big enough for a train to drive through!

No running tonight...evening number two of no running. I was exhausted and didn't really have any motivation to run. Thank you Post Marathon Depression! Plus, I had a date with C. Sauvignon!!!! I think I am falling in love with C. Sauvignon...great body, puts me in a mellow mood every time we meet, wonderful aroma, comes from many cultures and is well traveled, sometimes surprising...oh, the list goes on... LOL!!! Sorry, couldn't help it...my warped sense of humor strikes again! ;P

I promise myself I'll run tomorrow. At least four miles...

Any who.

When I got home, someone had put my garbage cans in my backyard... Weird. Who would do that? And who would know which one to leave out so I could put it in the garage? Very Weird.

Dogs kept wanting out and then were barking two minutes later to come back in. Make up your minds already. They are now getting on each others nerves and are barking at each other as I type this.

My daughter got home, sits on the couch and starts crying. The Big A, which is what I call her boyfriend, text her that he just wants to be friends... Great... Of course, I'm the greatest role model when it comes to relationships...ugh! I felt bad for her and we started talking. Then he called and off she went to her room and hasn't been out since. I can still hear her on the phone from where I am sitting.

It's been one thing after another today...

I just feel like my day has been a complete train wreck.

1 - 33

1. What is your occupation right now? Program Management Analyst...aka Adult Babysitter

2. What color are your socks right now? Brown

3. What are you listening to right now? My typing on the keyboard.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Pretzels and chili con queso dip...I know, I know!

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yuppers!

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Referral Coordinator at my Dr.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you ? n/a...snagged from a friend's blog!

8. How old are you today? 42+++ and dang proud of it!!!!

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Ice Hockey

10. What is your favorite drink? Ravenswood Zin - red of course!

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? The folks I worked with years ago said I was like Baskin Robins...31 Hair Colors!

12. Favorite food? mexican~

13. What is the last movie you watched? Made of Honor

14. Favorite day of the year? Any day I don't have to work!

15. How do you vent anger? I let it all out and deal with the repercussions later.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Simon.

17. What is your favorite season? Spring

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries...YUM!

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? n/a

20. Who is the most likely to respond? Not asking anyone to respond per se.

21. Who is least likely to respond? See above.

22. Where do you live? Michigan...between Ann Arbor and Detroit

23. When was the last time you cried? Maybe yesterday

25. Who is the friend you had the longest that you are sending this to? N/A since I am not sending this.

26. What did you do last night? Ran, ate, watched tv, surfed the web.

27. What are you most afraid of? growing old alone.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? YUK~ No beef for me!

29. Favorite breed of dog? Urrr...Ummm... Okay, Siberian Huskies!

30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

31. How many states have you lived in? One.

32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamond, my birthstone!

33 . What is your favorite flower? Lavender or Lilacs...

Day 2

Today is day two of National Bloggers Posting Month. I signed up to post one entry every day for a month. See the little badge on the side of my page??? So this means you're stuck reading my gibberish every freakin' day this month! Bwahahahaha!

Not really sure what I want to write about today as I sit here with a heating pad on my shoulder/neck.

For the last week or so I've been looking for a black suit type jacket that I bought while in Germany a couple years ago. I loved that jacket...it was great to wear with jeans over a cami...

Yes, I said "loved". Today I found out that my ex-boyfriend's daughter hacked the jacket into some freakin' Michael Jackson pedophile wanna be jacket! Unfreakin' real!!!!!

I will never find a jacket like that one again! Not only was it "cool". But it was "Euro Sue" cool! And it was lined and only $9 EU!

My Euro jacket was massacred and turned into a pedophile tragedy!

Sorry to all the MJ lovers out there...but personal opinion...

Any who...

Ran three miles this evening. Even with my lime green fluorescent safety vest folks still seemed oblivious. It's amazing how many people just blow passed stop signs and barely yield.

Heck, I almost got hit by a church goer this weekend. The old lady turned left onto a side street I was running passed and almost hit me. Like withing 5 ft! I was running against on-coming traffic (which runners are supposed to do to be safe) and on the sidewalk and wearing a bright blue shirt...HELLO! She came up behind me from out of no where and actually had the balls to glare at me before slamming on the brakes and then scooting forward again! I called her a "c" under my breath as I ran up onto the sidewalk. WTF?

I have this theory that people are idiots. And it was proven once again!

Ah well...it's getting to be about that time and my eyelids are getting heavy.

Catch ya again tomorrow!

PMD

Seems I'm not so crazy after all and there is such a thing as Post Marathon Depresssion aka PMD! Ha! Ha! and Ha! Okay, okay, so most of the articles say the same thing...but it explains a lot to me.

I did it. I ran 26.2 miles. I accomplished something I didn't think I could do. Now What? That's what the articles say and that's exactly what I've been thinking. Now what?

I suppose the final break-up of Paul and I isn't helping my mood or my motivation. I really do not like being single. I know it hasn't been that long...but I miss sharing my life, my day, my "everything" with someone. Don't get me wrong, I love my "me" time...but all the time??? Guess I'm feeling a bit lonely...

It also explains me peetering out at about 2 miles during my runs. I'm just wiped out! Granted most of my runs have been 3 - 5 miles and most at an under 9 minute mile pace, but OMG, I feel like I'm just exhausted when I'm done.

So, from what the articles say, I should have another two and a half weeks of feeling like this. Which I, suppose, is why my post marathon training schedule is set up the way it is.

Ah ha! Things are making sense now...

Guess I just have to be patient and let the PMD run it's course (ha, no pun intended!)...

Motivation Please!

Seems I'm not too motivated for running these days. The marathon is done and every run I've had since has seemed slow and torturous. I'm not sure what has gotten into me. I have to force myself to go out and run...ugh!

I've heard there is a post marathon depression. I think I'm in it.

My next race is 21Nov, then on Turkey Day...then maybe the Martian Marathon (or half marathon depending on how winter training goes) in April 2010.

All I know is that....I need some running motivation....pa-lease!

Dog Gone It!

It's late and I'm tired...but I don't want to go to bed...even though I really do...

My dogs are sitting here breathing their bad doggie breath on me and whining...pet me! pet me!

I was planning on writing a bit to help me get some negative emotions out...but I don't think I'm going to be allowed to! LOL!!!

Tomorrow is another day...

Dog gone it! LOL!!! ;P

Marathon Stats Take III

Will they ever stabalize the number of runners?

 

Distance Marathon 26.2 Miles
Clock Time 4:16:24
Chip Time 4:08:06
Pace 9:29

 

Overall Place 1711 / 3808 (Top 44.9% of all marathoners)
Gender Place 394 / 1326 (Top 29.7% of all women marathoners)
Division Place 66 / 212 (Top 31.1% of women marathoners 40-44 yrs old)
First Timers Division Place 21 / 89 (Top 23.6% of 1st time women marathoners 40-44 yrs old)

 

Mile Marker Times (minutes per mile pace)
6.2 Mi 57:24 (9:16 pace)
Half 2:00:43 (9:13 pace)
12.2 Mi 1:51:55 (9:10 pace)
21.8 Mi 3:23:25 (9:19 pace)

 

Last 4.4 miles in 45:00ish at 10:13 pace

 

Wtrmi 9:07 pace (Mile through the Tunnel between Windsor and Detroit)

Single

It really hit me this a.m. as I was laying in bed that as of last night...

...I'm single...

I'm 42 freakin' years old...I don't want to be single!

Ugh.

...single...

Two Different Places

Seems the relationship road was just not meant for Paul and I.

Today it hit me as to why we possibly have been having such difficulty. We are at two different places in regards to the relationship continuum.

During our time together, it seems I have been two steps, two yards, two miles...farther down the continuum than Paul has been.

Because I am farther down the continuum, I expect certain things. I expect certain behaviors. I expect the other person to be in the same place I am...

And when the other person isn't that far down the continuum...they don't expect the same things...

...and there-in lies the disconnect.

The disconnect can lead to all sorts of problems...as Paul and I have learned.

We were disconnected, even after all this time, and it's sad.

It's not easy.

It's hard...for both of us.

It breaks my heart that it's ending up like this...but we have been in two different places for too long...and both of us realize it.

Two people...two different places... :(

Feeling like a Yo-Yo

On again, off again...again and again...

I found these quotes back at the beginning of August. I think I'll finally post them today.

...thinking silence is worse and hurts more than the truth...

...same story, same excuse, different day...

...I'm not a toy...you can't pick me up and put me down when you want to...

...wondering why the first person I think of in the a.m., may be the first person I want to forget about...

....why do I bother...and why didn't I learn the first time...

...playing referee between my head and my heart...

...time has a way of showing us what really matters...

There is a lot I haven't written about...let's just say I'm tired of feeling like a yo-yo and that my feelings are raw and exposed right now.

Updated Stats

Updated Stats For the Detroit Marathon:

Distance MARARTHON 26.2 miles
Clock Time 4:16:25
Chip Time 4:08:07
Overall Pace 9:29

Overall Place 1702 / 3803 (in the top 44.75% of all marathoners)
Gender Place 391 / 1325 (in the top 29.5% of all women)
Division Place 65 / 212 (in the top 30% of women in my age group)

Mile Marker Times (minutes per mile pace)
6.2 Mi 57:24 (9:16 pace)
Half 2:00:43 (9:13 pace)
12.2 Mi 1:51:55 (9:10 pace)
21.8 Mi 3:23:25 (9:19 pace)

Last 4.4 miles in 45:00ish at 10:13 pace - seems I hit the wall and ran out of steam!

Wtrmi 9:07 pace (Mile through the Tunnel between Windsor and Detroit)

Marathon Finish

Still too tired to write too much...and it's sort of bittersweet with the three who lost their lives yesterday.

Here is a clip of the finish...I'm around 23:50ish...clock time of 4:16:24. I have on a Blue Top which is unzipped at the neck, Black Capris and a pony. I wave my arms up really fast and then keep on going...Hilarious!

This thing doesn't seem to be loading...

Click here for the link.

I AM A MARATHON RUNNER!!!!

I think I did pretty good...considering it was my first..

Chip Time 4:08:06

Updated counts for marathon only:

Overall Place 1709 / 3796
Gender Place 398 / 1328
Division Place 67 / 212
Pace 9:29

Too tired to write more...stay tuned for details! :)

The Countdown

Holy $hit!!!!! The marathon is less than 22 hours away!!!!

This time tomorrow (9:30 a.m.), I'll be two hours into the marathon...with hopefully 13.1 miles completed.

Weather is supposed to be 31* F at the start and 41* F at the finish...what to wear, what to wear... I'll be wearing my running capris for sure, but I'm stressing about how many layers I need up top. Two for sure...maybe three! I wore three layers during my 35* F run - sleeveless tech top, long sleeve tech top, cold weather long sleeve jacketish tech top. I'm thinking that's what I'm going to wear for the race, too. Three layers. I think. Hmmmm.... ACK! LOL!!!

This is completely unreal. All these months and hours and miles of training and mental preparation culminating in one day. One moment. One start. One finish. Just the thought of it takes my breath away.

Let's see....

I know I've ran over 300 miles since I started logging my training. That would be like running passed Chicago, IL...or Niagara, Ontario...or over the Mackinaw Bridge...or down passed Cincinnati, OH... Unreal!

I've ran in 92*F, 35*F, in the sun, in the rain, in the wind, in the humidity, in the morning, in the after noon, in the evening and even in the dark!

I've ran when I was happy, sad, mad, ho-hum, not motivated, completely motivated, full of energy, exhausted and even when I was sick.

I run alone and sometimes I run with others. I tried a running group - they were too fast; although I could probably keep up with them now. I run with my girlfriend who is running the half - normally slower than normal cause we like to talk so much! I've run with Paul on his roller blades...

I've met some really great people and joined a really supportive group, JustFinish, online. Oh and I can't forget about tackling Mike on my 18 miler and running most of the 20 miles with him! LOL!!!!

I have a routine for all my long runs - any run over 9 miles... Before I go to bed I have a soy protein shake and then one about an hour before I get ready to leave for my run. For the extra long runs over 12 miles, I add a quick shake if I wake up during the night to use the bathroom.

I always run with three pieces of gum in my mouth.

For the extra long runs, I started take two Motrin to keep away the aches and pains that may sneak up on me.

I listen to my iPod and make up words to some of the songs... Well, switch them around to include "runner" or "marathon" in them to help keep me motivated.

I've dedicated miles of my runs to those people who have passed on or can no longer run. I have a list, in my head, of folks I'll be dedicating miles to during the marathon.

And let's not forget about the outpouring of support from everyone - thank you so much. I love it and it's soooo uplifting! :) XO!

Well, I really need to walk away from the computer. My OCD is setting in and I need to try to focus on something other than 7:15 a.m. tomorrow morning!

21 hours and counting!!!

Who's Counting?

1 day 18 hours and 1 minute till my first marathon!!!!!

 

But who's counting?!?!?! 

Greiving

Got up this morning and went running in 35* F weather. It actually wasn't that bad. I suppose it would have been better if I was running my normal speed. My entire body aches right now...knees, back... I ran with my girlfriend and she runs slower than I do. It's so hard on my body when I run slower...I know, doesn't make sense to me either...but oh well... The run is over an done with. It's time for taping now. No big runs until next Sunday - The Detroit Marathon is a mere 6 days and 11 hours away!!!! Cool, cool! I can't wait!! :) Now I just need to get into the chiropractor!

Paul texted me, this morning, while we were running asking if I was okay. Ummmm...NO/MAYBE, but I will be. I called him back (hate to text) told him I was alright...that I hadn't slit my wrists or anything. It was an okay conversation...it was nice talking with him. We talked for a while about nothing really... He asked if I needed a ride to the marathon. I'm just not ready to make any decisions about anything...I'm processing and I'm sad. I told him I would be in touch.

I need to grieve. Grieve what was. Grieve what could have been.

Now I'm just sitting here tonight and feeling really sorry for myself. Oh woe is Sue... All alone... I absolutely hate this. I miss him right now.

But I know there are far worse things in life that could be going on in my life. I have it pretty good actually. Good job. Nice house. Car. My health. Friends and family...

I think I may make some popcorn and have a nice glass of wine. I need to take my mind off things...so I can stop crying and leave the "pity party of one" behind me.

Maybe I'll watch this again....



Completely inspiring!

I know I'm a strong person. I just don't feel all that strong right now. I feel meek and helpless. It's very debilitating and I know I'm doing it to myself. I just can't help it right now.

I do know that I'll get through this...one way or another. Just like all the other hurdles I've passed over throughout the years.

I want to finish strong and be happy.

But for now I'm grieving...

Longer Arms?

So it's been quite a day...

This a.m. was really rough. I cried. I was sad. I was wallowing in self pity about being alone.

I'm still not happy about the situation.

We were together for almost 10 months. I don't hate him. I don't wish him ill. I think he is a good person, just not the person for me...and the feeling was mutual. There was much said, but out of respect for him, I won't go into details. I will say that I was a bit put off by some of things that were said and I suppose what was said made me realize even more just how different we are and how differently we view relationships.

Sometimes I think I'm just better off being alone. That the heartache isn't worth it. That if I haven't found the one by now that I probably never will. That maybe my expectations are just too high.

All I want is someone to love me for who I am and for me to love them the same in return. For us to communicate and be best friends. For us to want each other and no one else. To be in sync (most of the time). To laugh and tease and cry... To feel like I'm loved and that I matter. Obviously, quality time is what's important to me.

I'm just not sure anymore.

I don't know.

I don't understand why it has to be so f'in hard.

Is it too much to ask to be happy with someone?

I just want to be happy...

...and this illusive happiness always seems to be just beyond my reach.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I need longer arms!