Surprise Phone Call

Well, Drew called tonight around 9pm.

We had a long talk...

He apologized for sending the breakup note to work email. Never admitted to the match thing. And he said he called because He misses Me! Yeah, my guess is he's sitting around all lonely and who is he gonna call to get to feel sorry for him? Me! Well surprise! no such luck!

He asked what I've been up to and I told him all the stuff I've been doing...work parties, high school friends, going to the gym regularly, pic with Santa w/Richard, possible upcoming sprint triathlons/team triathlons, as well as, going to the Whalers Game, Cheli's and Bailey's last night...oh and the few options I have for New Years Eve...

He was like, boy, glad/sounds like you've been keeping busy. No shit, sherlock...I'm not going to sit around crying over you!

I asked him why he took his match profile off...he said to cut back on expenses. He said before he did that he noticed I had a new pic on my profile. I told him that I thought maybe he met someone and was dating. He said no.

I asked him why he called tonight. He said he was just laying around and started thinking about me... He said he was going to text Merry Christmas, but didn't know how that would go over. Like a lead balloon that's how!

I told him that I thought I would never hear from him again, surprised that he called, that we needed to set up some boundaries and that I would never be able to go back to the way things were between us.

It felt good telling him all that stuff. I asked him a lot of tough questions and brought up a lot of things that I could tell made him uncomfortable. Oh well. I needed to say them and like I said, it felt good. The shoe was on the other foot and I had the leg up on him. Ha!

We talked about a lot more, but that's about it in a nutshell...

Am I nuts for talking to him? I know he's an ass and that he lied to me profusely, but... But I have been missing him as a friend...

Not to worry, not to worry....I'm not going to get sucked into his deceitful web of shit. And there is no way I would ever go back to him. There are far better things on the horizon for me! :)

I think if it was sooner or I hadn't been having as much fun as I have been, I would have felt much differently about Drew's call. But I'm in a relatively good place, so I was able to handle it very well...at least I think so.

I was texting Paul tonight...he's gonna call me tomorrow...we may get together on New Years Eve or at the latest a Piston's game this Friday. Can't wait!!!!

It was just a complete surprise to get the call from Drew...especially the day after my (Fabulous) date with Paul.

Match Date Marathon

Last night I went on a date with guy I've been corresponding with on match.com

He picked me up a little before 5pm and we went ice skating. We skated and talked for about an hour - neither one of us fell! Then we went to a Plymouth Whalers hockey game. We stayed for two periods then went to a local pub for some food and drinks. The first pub was packed, so we walked down the street to another one... We got a table and hung at the pub for a good two hours drinking, chatting, listening to music and watching the Wings lose. After that we started walking back to the car, in the rain, passed the first pub...he suggested one more drink, so we went in grabbed a beer and hung out in the cigar/couch area for another two hours. (good thing no one was smoking too much!) On the way home, he commented that we had been out for almost 10 hours...and it had been just about 9 hours from the time he picked me up...

We had a great time, talking, laughing...

He asked if I would let him take me on a second date...I said sure! :) So we may go out sometime this week or at the latest a Piston's game on the 2nd.

Definitely a possibility! :)

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas...from my house to yours!

Onward!!!!!

I feel so much better about everything. I have a new attitude and can't believe how much better I feel without all of Drew's negative vibes surrounding me. I'm happy and smiling…it's amazing.

In fact, today I just dumped Drew's shit on his work chair. Fair is fair, right? I haven't heard from him, so I put all his stuff in a bag and plopped it on his desk chair. It wasn't much…but I didn't need his stuff around reminding me of him. And he hasn't called, written or texted…and we were such good friends. Ha! Good riddance to the Cowardly Liar! ;D

I have had some great times over the weekend and this week…and I'm sure there are many more to come.

This past Sunday my friend, or rather my pseudo brother and I, went out for drinks and then got our pic taken with Santa. Aren't we cute?



Yesterday night I was out with some friends from high school - Tim, one of the guys I've been emailing was in town, so we set up an impromptu gathering. There was about five or six of us and it was really fun seeing them all. S o much so that I didn't get home until 2 a.m. I was telling Tim about a party tonight and he asked if he could be my date. I said sure! Weather is really bad today, so instead, he'll be coming over and we're just going to hang out catching up some more… Isn't he cute? :)


Things are looking up and I'm moving onward!!! :)

All of the Above

Wow...all week I was okay. I kept busy. I was happy. My spirits were lifted and my heart felt light.

Tonight...left alone with my thoughts and the fact that Drew hid his profile has me...very unsettled.

I'm sad.

I can't stop the tears.

I feel lonely.

I want to know why...why hasn't he called, emailed, texted...why he had to lie and cheat...why he had to be so cowardly...why couldn't he have just told me like it was. If he told me like it was, I would have been fine and we may have been able to be friends....

I miss my friend.

I really miss who I thought was my friend.

It shouldn't be this hard. It's just shouldn't.

And I'm hating myself for all of the above because I really do have to move on...

Moving On...

So Drew was dumped today by his fake online internet girlfriend, Tracy. A half hour later after Tracy said thanks but no thanks, Drew hid his profile on match.

Part of the dumping email said this:

Plus, it seems like you have a lot going on right now. You're just out of a relationship and it appears that you have a few other things going on. Not only that, but I felt that you were really pushing to talk or meet when I said that I wasn't ready.

Drew told Tracy that he was going swimming with a friend, to dinner then to watch her nephew play hockey. Tracy asked if they were more than friends because a guy won't typically do all that stuff unless he's interested in more. Drew never responded to that email.

Tracy's dump letter said this, too:

While match may be a way of meeting people, I've decided that it's just not for me. I was talking with one of my girlfriends about it and she made a comment about it seeming like people were on there ordering something online. You pick something, try it out and if you don't like it, you always have one or two or more backups ready and waiting to chose from. It's not the type of environment that I want to meet people in.

So who knows if it was Tracy's email, the fact that I accidentally looked at his profile when I was logged in the other day, whether he is just taking a break or if he met someone else.

One thing I do know is that Drew never, for a moment had his profile hidden when we were "dating".

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does...

It makes me sad that he lied to me about his actions.

It makes me sad that I let this go on so very long.

But at least now I can begin the process of healing and moving on...

I just wonder how this will affect my next relationship and the trust factor.

Weight Lifted!

The drama continued today...

Lets sum things up.

12/11 Thursday
Tracy winks at Drew on match

12/12 Friday
11:45 pm I leave Drew's house
12 am-ish he emails Tracy via match and asks for more photos of her

12/13 Saturday
9:50 am Tracy emails Drew and among other things asking for his email and whether or not anyone is pining for his time

2pm ish Drew and I talk for two hours. Drew agrees not to go on match. I tell him I will let him know whether or not I can continue later.

10pm ish I call Drew and tell him that I'm okay with things, especially after our talk. We talk for about a 1/2 hour and make plans for me to go to his his place Sunday evening at 5pm

11 pm Drew emails Tracy and tells her no one is pining for his time that he is aware of and gives her his home email.


12/14 Sunday
9 am ish Tracy emails Drew a couple more pics, compliments him on his looks and tells him that she is glad he is not seeing anyone.

5pm... I cannot go to Drew's knowing what I know. I call a friend and talk for a couple hours...

5:18 pm Drew emails Tracy telling her he likes her pics and tells her he'd like to talk.

12/15 Monday
I get into work... Drew sent me an email from his home email addy to my WORK addy telling me we are done, that he needs a break, and who knows when he will be okay to talk to me again.

He sent the email to me at 10:30ish pm on Sunday....

8:50 am ish Drew sends Tracy an email asking if she knows my sis or me...and for her phone number. Can you say paranoid and not wanting to get caught again? Keep in mind that I told him my sis caught him on match around Turkey Day.

11 am ish Tracy emails Drew asking why he would ask such a thing, but no she doesn't know them. She also says that at this point she's not comfortable giving out phone number. She's looking for serious relationship and is corresponding with a couple men and at this point is still uneasy about the internet thing. ;)

Around noon Drew calls me and leaves a message asking if I am okay and why hasn't he heard from me. He says he is going to text and that if I don't call he is going to come by. Keep in mind, Drew is off of work for the year and I am at work...not at home. He texts me - r u okay? I call him. I was down at the cafe' getting some food, so I missed his initial call. I am livid...his phone rings...he answers. I ask what he wants. He says he wants to make sure I am ok since I didn't call him all weekend. Liar. I called twice Saturday...and why the hell didn't he call last night? I tell him that I got his email and that it said not to call him, that he didn't want to talk to me right now. Silence. I ask why he said he was going to come by...he said he thought I was home. Home? I'm at work. It's Monday. WTF? He says he thought I wasn't working. I think, okay, whatever you lieing sack of shit. I ask why he couldn't have sent the email to my home address where I could read the break up letter in the privacy of my own home. No comment other than I blew him off yesterday evening. My fault...okay... He says he can't talk about this stuff. I say fine, good-bye and hang up.

1 pm ish Drew emails Tracy and confirms, for certain, no one is pining for his time (yeah he confirmed I got the break up letter!), that he still would like to talk and that he hopes they can get to know each other better.

Nice...

Spinless Coward - break up with me via email to my work!!!! What a lame ass!!!! Then when I don't respond, he freaks and calls ME with some bogus bullshit cop-out about being concerned...when I know he just wanted to confirm I got his email...so he could email his fake internet girlfriend!

I was up and down all day today...

But I have to say I am more up than anything. I haven't really cried at all this evening.

Who needs that crap? Not me!

I know I haven't been the most upfront and forthcoming about the way things played out at the end with him. But I had to do what I did to put it straight in my own mind how crooked this guy was/is. I had to find out for myself. I had to know and now I do. If I hadn't had done this...I would have been in the same situation for who knows how much longer.

Tracy will end it with Drew in the next Day or so... He's too boring and old for her. She's fun and young and full of life!

I must say that it's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It's still not a good feeling knowing that what I thought was a true friend stabbed me in the back, but I do feel better knowing the truth and am glad that I am able to start moving on with my life.

Go to Hell

Not only have I lost Drew as a boyfriend...I've lost him as a friend, too.

I can't stop crying. I've been crying for what seems like hours now...

I know that Drew has betrayed me because I caught him.

I am not proud of my actions, but I set up a fake match profile two days ago and "winked" at Drew. Winking is a free way of saying you may be interested in someone and it's free. It's like "poking" someone on facebook I suppose.

Friday night after I left Drew's house at 11:45 p.m., he emailed "Tracy" around midnight and asked her for more pics.

I know this because as Tracy, I signed up for a free three days of match and read Drew's email. Tracy emailed him back. Tracy asked Drew some questions and asked for his email so that she could send more pics.

Saturday Drew and I were supposed to go get a Christmas tree for me... I was in no mood for tree picking after finding out about him emailing Tracy. I called him and told him that I didn't feel like going. He was pulling up carpet, so he was glad. He really didn't want to go with me anyway...it would have been too couples-ish for him, I'm sure.

Any who...during the conversation he asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about. I said as a matter of fact there is but I'd rather not talk about it on the phone... Then everything just blurted out...the fact that he doesn't invite me to family things, that he doesn't accept my invites to family things, that I feel we are on two different relationship pages, that he runs hot and cold, that we don't do things with other people, that he is on match and my sis caught him, that the entire match thing just gets right under my skin...

We talked for over two hours.

He said that he wouldn't go on match. He said that I was one of his top five girlfriends. He said that he didn't want to lose our friendship. He said that he still couldn't offer me more than what we have right now. He said that he likes so many things about what we have and that I was so easy to talk to and get along with and that he didn't want to lose that.

Basically it came down to whether or not I could take a step back and accept our relationship for what he was willing to give. He pulled the fucking "twist" on me and I didn't even realize it! Meaning he put the ball in my court so that if anything ended that it would be put all on me and not on him.

Saturday evening I went out for drinks for a few. I called Drew when I got home. I told him that I thought about it and that I was happy with a lot of the things he told me and that if that was the case then I would be able to continue on with our relationship. He said okay. We made plans for me to come over his place around 5pm Sunday (today).

A half hour later he emailed Tracy. He told Tracy that no one was pining for his time....and that no one had told him they were pining for his time....that he hadn't met the one but has been trying to date....and gave her his home email so that she could send pics! And he was on match for over an hour...from 11 till after midnight...

WTF??? Two plus hours of talking and then email some fictitious biatch telling her he was available!?!?! As well as be on match after he told me that he wouldn't!!!!

Tracy emailed him back this a.m. She sent him pics and said that she was glad he was available.

I couldn't make myself go to his house this evening. I didn't even call him... I was supposed to be there...with some food at 5 p.m.

I haven't heard from him and it's 11:42 right now.

Drew is on match right now...

He is a liar. He is a cheater.

I wanted to continue to be his friend. I can't at this point.

He has stuck a knife in my back and twisted it. He has treated me worse than the dirt beneath his feet. He has no integrity. He is nothing that a friend should be and I have lost all respect for him.

If he had any balls what-so-ever, he would have told me that he understood that it wasn't fair to me to keep going the way we were, that he wanted to look for someone else, that he wanted to be friends and that is it.

I gave him every opportunity to come clean...

Instead, I caught him blatantly lieing to me...

He is still looking.

He is still on match....it's midnight.

He obviously doesn't care about my feelings.

I just don't understand why he spent all that time on the phone Saturday telling me this that and the other thing.

I told him losing his friendship was the worst thing that could happen...he agreed with me...

There is no turning back now...

His actions far out weigh his words...

I know my actions seem completely childish, but I had to know...I had to know and I had to find out once and for all that my suspicions were founded in reality.

Tomorrow I plan on stopping by his house after work. I am going to tell him that I cannot continue with anything. That he has lied to me and I will not tolerate it. That it is no wonder that his friends don't follow through on plans with him. That I cannot be friends with someone who blatantly lacks integrity and lies to my face. That I cannot be treated worse than dirt beneath his feet. That I think he is an asshole. And then I will leave. No room for question and answer time... He can be left wondering what I know and how I know it... (At this point, I'm sure there is much, much more I do not know.)

He doesn't deserve answers.

I won't lie...

I love him and I am going to miss him terribly...

But he can go to hell.

Liar

Long story short...

Not two hours ago I called Drew. I told Drew that I was good with the way things were between us. I told him I appreciated everything he said and was glad we had the talk earlier today.

I know for a fact that he is on match right now, that he has been on there for over an hour and is emailing another woman saying that he is not involved and has not found the one yet and has no one pining for his time.

What a fucking liar.

My heart is breaking.

I am devastated...

...and sick to my stomach.

What a liar...

And there I was falling for his song and dance just a few hours ago.

We talked for over two hours about everything that was on my mind...

He lied to me...

He lied and I am crushed...

Had the Talk

Boy, lots to think about...

No time to write about it now...but amongst other things, Drew did say that he would stop going on match...

So much to think about...but for now I'm going to a party with some other friends. :)

Aries

Planning on talking with Drew this evening. 

Here is today's horoscope, fairly appropriate…

Use your naturally warm personality to help melt the cold shoulder you've been getting from someone you work with or see daily. It's a fun challenge for which you are perfectly ready, right now! Send them a sweet email that offers some genuine compliments. Tell them what a cool person you think they are. Consider this your last chance to get through to them, because it just might be. If they don't respond to your overtures today, just move on. It's their loss.

Yup…if I don't like what I hear in response to what I have to say…

His loss. 

But I'll still be really sad.

Peeee-u!

Drew was planning on coming over tonight after a work party. I was planning on having "the talk" with him.

He showed up an hour and a half late. I told him that I didn't think he was coming over because it was later than I anticipated and that I did not even get a courtesy call from him saying he was going to be late. He was buzzed up...and defensive. It was not the time or place to be having "the talk".

He stayed over for a while... I made us each a sandwich since I hadn't eaten yet and he needed to eat, we talked about misc stuff and he was okay to drive when he left.

And no big surprise that he was on match or checked his email and looked at a match email less than an hour ago. No excuses for this one. ::shaking head::

Disappointed...again.

Any who...I'm going over to his place Thursday. I invited myself over for the sole purpose of having "the talk" even though I told him I want to see his new buzz cut. I am brave and deserve more and since both of us will not have been drinking...I am going to bring things up and have "the talk" with him.

A friend of mine gave me the book, "he's just not that into you" because...well...they want me to wake up and smell the coffee.

I've smelled it. It stinks.

So why is it that I'm still wishing he tells me I am reading his actions incorrectly. Why do I wish this when I feel in my gut how he feels about things. Why do I make up excuses in my head for him? Why do I want to be with someone who treats me like this? Why do I value his friendship so very much? Why do I wish...all these silly school girl things about him? Why do I torture myself over this day after day?

Gosh, I think I stink, too.

Music

I think I'm finally ready to face the reality of the situation between Drew and I.

Drew and I will never be anything more than very, very good friends. In fact, I'd have to say right now he is one of my best friends... I certainly hope it can stay that way.

And I hope I can get through this weekend without spazzing out.

Tomorrow is Drew's bday. We'll be spending the evening together. And I want it to be nice for him.

But Sunday I think we are going to have to talk about our friendship/relationship.

I deserve to be happy.

And I think I am Finally ready to face the music.

Short End

I was talking with Drew tonight...

Last weekend we had talked about him coming over Friday (tomorrow) after going over to his brother's for a birthday dinner. His birthday dinner...don't even get me started about him not asking me to come with him... And then spending Saturday evening together having dinner and relaxing together...

Tonight he says he's not sure what's going on tomorrow after dinner...that he may stay night at his brother's. Huh? Okay, so he does have swimming practice early out that way...but still. And then when I ask about Saturday, he teases that yeah we can spend Saturday together...

Drew is a big teaser, but it is really starting to wear on me.

I'm disappointed that he changed his plans and just told me tonight. Big whoop that he may come over...maybe not... It's the leaving me hanging that bothers me...even though he said that if something came up that I should go ahead and go out... Whatever. ::shaking head::

It seems as of late that I am constantly being disappointed. We are obviously on two different pages of the relationship book.

I want more and it is becoming more and more obvious that Drew is not going to give me what I want/need from him. Something has to give and it's not going to be me...

It would be easy for me to go out with someone else... But I don't want someone else, I have no interest in anyone else, I don't even want to look. I want to be with Drew.

Even though I want to be with him...I'm tired of getting the short end of the stick...and as time goes on there is less and less of the stick to hang on to...

McD...

Six months ago, I broke up with McD. (McD and I dated for over a year and broke up late April/early May)

Last night, I get a call from a friend/coworker telling me that McD got married.

Two weeks ago, I saw McD in the hall outside the cafeteria and he would not even acknowledge me...let alone say hello. WTF?

How am I feeling about this?

Both my friend and my sis, who I had to call and tell, asked me this... How do I feel about it? Good question.

I suppose initially I am shocked. Wow... Unreal...

After the initial shock, I thought... I hope he is happy. I hope he made a good choice. I hope that he didn't marry rebound girl. And then I thought: Rebound girl!!!

I also thought...maybe this is why I had been dreaming about him being with another woman and me watching in on him. Yuppers, in the last month I think I dreamt about him twice being with another woman and me looking on...

Today I find out that he was married in October, which means that he had only known this woman for what...four or five months... I just hope he knows what he's doing...especially since she has four kids and they live with them full-time.

I don't wish McD any ill will. I will say that I was completely floored to find out that he got married so soon.

I think I am floored becaus perhaps I am a little jealous of his happiness or what I perceive as his happiness. That he was able to find someone willing to commit themselves completely to him. Guess I wish that was me. NOT that I want to be married, but I do wish I felt as if I had someone I was happy with and able to grow old with... I don't want to grow old alone...that's one of my biggest fears.

I am happy for him. I guess I just feel sorry for myself and not entirely happy with the situation I've put myself in.

Sooner or later it will be my time... I know it. I just have to be patient.

In the meantime, I will rejoice in all the love and happiness the couples I know have together! :)

Here's to love and commitment!!!! :):):):)

The Ford Story

Check it out... http://www.fordvehicles.com/thefordstory/

Dribble...

Didn't bring up the match thing tonight with Drew...but that's okay. I've made enough comments over the last few days and I don't want to overwhelm the poor boy! ;P

Not really sure what I want to write about...

Turns out I am going to have to take my daughter for the birth control shot. She doesn't have anyone to take her. Even though she and her friends are 16 going on 17, none of them drive! Argh! Oh well. I'm okay with taking her. Jaba is an ass and if doing what I need to do to keep my daughter from having an possible uh oh gets me into court difficulties...so be it. My daughter is almost 17 and it's only another year of dealing with the b.s. of Jaba, so...whatever will be...will be.

Went out the other night with my sis. We had dinner with my mom, lobster - yummy!, then went bar hoppin'... When I got home the dogs had dug a hole in the carpet. Monsters! They are just monsters!!! Of course, it's not anyplace that could be easily covered up either. So I get home from work today and the hole is now through the padding! WTF?!?! I've been talking about ripping the carpet out, but sheesh! At least the hardwood underneath looks good. :)

Joined www.facebook.com a few weeks ago to find folks for my reunion. Not only did I find old high school classmates, I wound up finding lots of old IVF Friends!!! It's great! I lost touch with so many ladies...now I can see how they and their little miracles are all doing!

Still going strong at the gym. Been jumping rope, doing the elliptical, as well as, some weight training. I recently added running a couple laps around the track...so far, so good. If my ankles hurt, I stop doing whatever it is that's hurting them... Baby steps! I can't wait to be back running a couple miles a day... Gosh, I miss it...more than I ever thought I would.

Filled up the tank (as in the gas tank of my car) for $18.50 USD on Saturday!!! I had a little less than .25 tank and filled her right up! Can't believe it...just a couple months ago $25 USD barely gave me .5 a tank. I'm thankful for these little things.

...and that's about it...

You'd think I should be tired. I was so out of it this a.m...now I am wide freakin' awake. Completely unreal.

Tomorrow is another day! ;)

Added: OMG!!!! Drew was here, at my place, tonight. He told me that he was having computer issues today at home. He left around 10ish after the Wings game... He was just online - read a match email or something! WTF? This shit has to come to an end... I hate feeling this way.