...you said that if I ever needed to talk to you about this, that I could.
Me: Okay, what is it you want to talk about.
Daughter: Well, I think I want to go on the pill.
Me: (while washing dishes with my back to her, mouth gaping open, trying not to miss a beat) Oh...
Daughter: Yeah...
What a freakin' shocker! This happened last week. Basically, my daughter doesn't want to have sex until she is married, but wants to be safe.
So she's thinking about it. And I think that she is moving towards having sex vs. waiting until she is married.
We had a long discussion. Thank goodness we have such an open relationship. My parents never talked to me about sex...let alone birth control...
During the talk, she told me that Jaba and Donkey Face think that by telling her that she should come to me for birth control that I am encouraging her to have sex. WTF?! I don't want my 16 / 17 / 18 yr old coming to me and saying, "mom, I'm pregnant...." Wanting her to be safe does not mean I am encouraging her...
Any who... I told her that I would make an appt with my ob/gyn so that she could weigh her options. I also told her that I would be calling her father to talk about it.
So I called Jaba. We had a good discussion for about 20 minutes...no yelling, no hanging up... I made it seem like it was all on him on what we should do and stressed many times that I thought we needed to show our daughter that we were united on this front. I also talked to him about the conversations I have had with her in the past and that I was floored and not ready for the "I want to go on the pill" conversation. Her dad said everyone was doing it at 15 /16 when he was a kid... I told him sex was the farthest thing from my mind at that age...which it was...I wanted nothing to do with sex (far different story today...lol!!!!)
I think the only reason the conversation went well was because I spun things to be all his idea/his decision/his everything...
It just pissed me off that he would even think I could consider encouraging my daughter to have sex at such a young age. I'm doing everything I can to make her not want to have it... Unreal, but I suppose I shouldn't expect anything less from such a dumb ass...
I'll be taking my daughter to the ob/gyn on Thursday. Hopefully, Dr. M. can help my daughter make the right choice as far as birth control...as well as, make her realize that boys her age only care about sex and not love...
I guess I'm just fearful that she thinks she has to have sex to keep a boyfriend... I know when I was her age, I did some really weird shit to get a guy's attention. Plus, she doesn't have the most positive relationship with Jaba... And she has had quite a few boyfriends over the past year...
I have to say that this is not comfortable for me either...as a parent I always strive to do what is best for my daughter... In a way I feel like I've failed, but in another I feel like I've succeeded...I mean she is talking with me, so that's extremely good... I guess I'm scared... And I don't want my little girl to grow up...I'm not ready for her to grow up. I just want her to make the best choices possible and not have any regrets.
It's definitely not easy and I'm sure it's not going to get any easier as time goes on...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Sue,
You are doing the right thing by not making her feel odd about it, and for listening to her and being supportive.
I would stress the whole love vs. just sex. Women really do associate sex with love. I was a virgin until I met my DH and I was 18 when we started dating. I didn't really want to have sex, but he was older and he told me he loved me and all that. So I had sex, and I felt horrible after. It made me feel really bad and I felt like I had to marry him to "preserve" myself (or something like that). I just felt really pressured.
It's hard to explain, but if I could do it over again I would have waited longer (I might not be married to him today had we waited).
Having sex makes you feel false emotions sometimes!!! Women/girls think they are in love when they have sex. It is not the same for men/boys!
Dont know if this is helpful, just wanted to share.
Love, Lauren
(clmlswalker)
I am very proud of you Sue. The fact is, kids have sex. Gasp! All you can do is talk about your values and hope she i nternalizes some of them herself. And if she does choose to have sex, she is at least thinking about protection form preganancy- make sure she knows about condoms too- STDs are rampant and HIV is deadly.
Post a Comment