Feelings Today

Boy, not sure how I feel about things today.

I truly like Paul.  I care about him.  I like his kids…for what I know about them anyway. 

Yesterday when I was out running errands I was talking with my sis and she asked me if I was happy.  She said that I didn't sound happy.  And, to be honest with myself, I'm not sure I am...

Paul is out of town and I thought I would hear from him last night.  It was getting close to 8 p.m., so I called him.  He sounded annoyed.  I told him I called to say hi and good night.  He said thanks.  I told him I thought he sounded annoyed, he said he was frustrated from dealing with his ex.  Apparently, she's going out of town with her boyfriend for a long weekend.  Her boyfriend wants to have work done on his car and stay the night at her place Wednesday night so they are closer to the airport.  So the ex called Paul's mom to see if the kids could stay with her Wednesday night as Paul was to be out of town until Thursday.  Huh?!?!  He said that he told her never to contact his mother again without first talking to him.  He then said he was going to be home tomorrow night to get the kids.  What?!  She can't tell her asshole boyfriend he can't stay, so you're going to work to appease her AGAIN?  Hello!!!!!!  He said he was doing it for the kids.  I said, no you're doing this for her.  I told him I thought she was a piece of work...and used that phrase more than once.  I told him I couldn't believe she called his mother.  He reiterated that he told her never to do that again. 

I had called him to tell him that I was trying to forget about things and move on and get to hear this?!?!?!  I was pissed.  He knew I was pissed.  I did tell him that I appreciated him being honest with me.  And I did tell him that it was nice of him to do that for his kids...he laughed when I said that...and I replied that I was trying to let it go.  We laughed and chatted a bit more before hanging up.

Part of me thinks that I over-reacted because everything is still so fresh and I'm still on the edge about how I feel about things.  As much as I think I can get passed all this, can I?  Will I react like this every time she pulls some shit?  He did tell her that she shouldn't be contact his mom without going through him...so that's good. 

I hate feeling like this. 

I guess a part of me still questions how he feels and I'm not sure why. 

I mean, do I expect him to react to his ex the way I would?  Maybe that's a part of it.  Everyone has their own way of dealing with things...my way is definitely not always the right way or the only way to deal with things.  I would have read her the riot act...  He he did say that she was crying during the conversation, so either she really felt like shit or she was playing the oh woe is me card.

I also have to realize that it is going to take time for me to get passed the incident...but how much time?  And I have to realize that Paul is not going to change over night.  ::sigh::

I suppose I just want things to happen instantaneously.  I can be very impatient and very stubborn (as can Paul; stubborn that is). 

It's sort of like being in limbo...I feel like I'm sitting here waiting for things to get better or for things to head south. 

I think I just need to relax and take one day at a time.  And not to think about things so much. 

But...I just don't know how I feel about things right now. 

...it is good to get it all out!  I feel so much better! :)