Deal Breaker

How quickly things can change... Plugging along without a care and then WHAMO! you're splat in the face with shit pie.

So yesterday seemed to be going along pretty uneventful. I was out shopping and running errands. I was looking for frames for some pictures I was having developed for Paul (and one for his ex, too - picture, not frame) and got Paul a really nice Detroit Tigers jersey to wear to the games this summer.

So I text Paul that I have a surprise for him and ask if I can pop by for a minute. He gives me a time and I swing on by a little after 3pm. I walk in with watermelon, a balloon and the jersey... I start cutting up watermelon and then put the rest in the fridge. I notice some food from the store and ask if he'd been out. He says no that his ex brought it by. Instantaneously the short hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and every muscle in my body stiffens up. I ask if she was by with the kids and he says no. I was livid. He didn't want me coming by, but she does and with food? Ok... I try to let it go...and he offers no explanation.

So we're sitting there and I'm getting ready to leave while fiddling with all the different boxes of meds on his table. I notice a box of Excedrin Migraine (the med I've been trying to talk him into taking and he doesn't want to and didn't want me to buy for him on Friday) What comes out of my mouth - "I suppose she bought this for you, too." Whoopsie! He asks what that was supposed to mean, I say it's just a question and leave because again he just looks at me and gives no explanation.

I get to my car and lose it. I can't believe it. After all the shit we talked about regarding his ex this happens? It's like a slap in the face. I get on the phone with my sis and am ready to turn around walk in and tell him to fuck off. Livid. I was livid. I just couldn't believe it.

So eventually I calm down. I decide to go back without calling him with some food. I go over around 6:30... I knock and walk in. I put the food in the fridge and sit down. I tell him that I was hurt. I couldn't believe that she was there when he didn't want me to be there. He says what did you want me to do, call you at 2 in the morning asking you to go get some meds for me when I know the ex is out and on her way home. HUH? I tell him yes. I ask him who he is with her or me and that he should be calling his girlfriend and not his ex-wife. He says he didn't want me to see him unshowered for three days looking like crap. I told him I didn't care that he is sick and should look like crap. I also told him that I just didn't understand. I asked why no explanation earlier. He said he could tell I was mad and didn't want to have to explain every time he talks to the ex. Huh? You know I'm mad so you say nothing? WTF? He tells me that I don't trust him, that I think that he values her needs over mine, etc... (here we go with the twist-o-roonie - put it back on me..not his fault) OMG, that made me even more pissed off. I tell him I don't care that they talk, that he helps with kids, that they get along. But there is a fine line that I believe he has crossed. Okay, be friends with your ex...but who should you rely on if not your significant other in a time of need?

We went back and forth for a good hour or so... We got absolutely no where. I told him that he just didn't understand that the relationship he has with his ex isn't normal. (There have been other instances, but I've been trying to let them go and I can't let them go any longer.) I told him his actions are going against what he tells me. He couldn't understand. I told him that he didn't understand because he doesn't think it's abnormal. Who would call their ex at 2 in the morning to bring over meds? Oh...she was on her way home from her boyfriends. How did he know she was on her way home at 2am? Whatever.

If I don't trust him, it's because his actions have led me to not trust him.

This a.m. I was taking some eggs by his house and his car was gone. I had texted him 20 minutes earlier and no reply. So I call him. He answers the second time - the first time the ringing stopped and no voicemail started. He says he's no better. He says he doesn't want me to come by because HE is PEEVED about the conversation yesterday. WHAT???? He's peeved?!?!?!?! I lose it, again, and ask if he is even home because I was bringing some eggs over and his car was gone. He says he is home. Okay, so where is your car. Oh, the ex has it. I have to ask 20 more questions before I get the entire story.

I ask him if I can stop by before I go to my grandma's house. I need my wine corker because grandma doesn't have a cork screw and I need to take it over there. Plus I want to drop the pictures of his daughter off. Just waits till he sees that I got extra ones for him and his ex! F-er!!!!

I don't need this. This, to me, is a deal breaker. I feel hurt and betrayed. I just cannot continue to look the other way. Maybe if we communicated more... But the text message king doesn't like to talk on the phone.

When I go over there I am going to tell Paul that I need some time to think about whether or not this relationship is going to work for me. That I don't know if I can continue this way. That I need someone whom I can communicate with on regular basis and not via text messages every fucking day - what kind of communication is that? Maybe if we talked more I'd get the whole story...and I wouldn't be left wondering what's going on.

I just feel so hurt and betrayed... Mostly hurt. And sad.

Jello and Excedrin Migraine...things that led to the Deal Breaker... Who would have thought.