Frustrated Holding Pattern

I am woMAN…and I'm frustrated.

Paul seems to have taken refuge in his cave. He's really overwhelmed right now. He has been having some health issues (aches/pains), his kids have been sick, he's busy carting them around on the weekend, he has work he needs to travel for, he's having vehicle problems, he has the new house he needs to bring up to code and do a ton of work on…the list just seems to go on…

I want to help him. I want to help him fix things. I want to be there for him. Okay, maybe I want to fix things for him and alleviate some of his burden and it's frustrating for me because he won't let me. Ugh, just like a man…I want to step in and fix everything and anything that is wrong.

I need to back off. I need to give him his space. I've told him I'm here if he needs me. I've told him that he can lean on me. All I can do is wait for him to reach out.

It's hell sitting on the sidelines waiting. I feel like I'm not doing enough and should be doing something. I see him struggling and I want to do something…anything.

It's a helpless feeling not being able to do anything to help alleviate the situation.

It's bad enough that I feel like I cannot do anything for my daughter. Adding this on top of it…I just feel awful. No one is making me feel this way other than myself. The rational part of me knows I've already done everything I can. The irrational part of me feels like I'm not doing enough, that I'm being overbearing, that the more I offer to help, the more Paul backs into his cave…which makes me feel like I'm just adding more stress to his already stressful situation. Maybe it's just me and my warped Gigi way of looking at things.

I think it also has to do with communication or lack thereof… I like to talk about things and Paul appears to internalize things - hence my reference to him taking refuge in his cave. I do talk about everything going on, how overwhelmed I am and then not ask for help…but Paul doesn't even appear to like to talk about things. He seems to shut down. And when he shuts down, to me it feels like he is pulling away…which might be what he is doing. Maybe that is his way of dealing with things. Maybe he hasn't had anyone he could lean on before…given the way his ex handles her schedule and issues, it's probably the case. I tend to like to handle things on my own as well… I don't like to ask for help and will only do so if I'm in dire, dire need of it. Perhaps he is the same way…

I do realize that Paul and I are still getting to know each other. That everything we're encountering is new and we need to figure out how the other works/thinks/etc...

I dunno…

GIGI!!!!

Now I am starting to analyze and over-analyze…

Gigi, stop it! Stop thinking. Stop the madness!!!!

Gigi, now listen to me… If Paul needs your help, he will ask for it. Just sit back and relax. Paul likes you and knows you like him. Chill out, Gigi. Just chill out…and remember to breathe!!!!

Okay, I'm better. Sometimes I just need to write things out and in doing so it helps me get things straightened out in my mind. And it also makes me realize - Gigi needs to go bye-bye. LOL!!!

Bottom line is that I care for Paul and want to be there for him…which I am. I'm doing everything I can…and until he asks for help, I guess I'm just in a holding pattern (ARGH! LOL!!!).