Keep it In or Open it Up

Keep it all in.  So many of us seem to do that quite a bit these days.  I know I'm guilty of it at times.  

I want hold on to everything going on with all my might.  I don't want to give it up.  I don't want to share the real truth.  I want to keep all my fears and worries and burdens locked deep inside.  I hold on to them with every bit of strength within me.  I grasp on to them as if they are oxygen to my soul.  And I build a wall up around myself to keep everything barricaded inside.

But when I hold on to these things they become like an anchor.  An anchor weighing down my heart.  An anchor holding me in place.  An anchor pulling me down deeper and deeper into the muck.  They keep me stuck in the depths of despair / sadness / hurt / anger / fear / shame.  It's like someone hit the pause button and I'm stuck standing there frozen in place.

The longer I keep things in and the tighter I hold on, the worse things get.  The lonelier I feel.  The more shame and sorrow I experience.  The more fear wells up inside of me.

Have you ever felt that way?  Not wanting to let go because you think you will... 

Be laughed at?  
Looked down upon?  
Made fun of?  
Become vulnerable?  
Have to rely on someone other than yourself?
Open yourself up to possibly be hurt?

I have.  

Too many times to count.

But I've learned that is no way to live life.  To truly be free and find peace, I've had to let everything go.  I've had to share what is hurting my heart.  I've had to share my deepest fears.  And I've had to put it all out there and make myself completely and utterly vulnerable by sharing the real me.

It's those times...the times that I freely give...that I am truly and honestly living.  I mean, haven't you ever held something in for a long time? Then when you finally share whatever it is...it's like a weight is lifted off of your shoulders...and you experience a huge sense of relief.

When we hold onto our hurts, worries, doubts, fears, we can't receive.  When we put up walls, our minds and hearts are closed.  When we are holding on, our arms and hands are clasped tightly shut. 

To receive, we have to open up.  Open our hearts to love.  Open our minds to a new way of living.  Open our arms to let others comfort us.  Open our hands to receive what others have to offer us.

I choose to open myself fully.  I choose to do this daily.  Yes, daily, because it's not easy.  In fact, it's terribly difficult sometimes.  Sometimes it's so difficult that I look to God for the strength and courage to do so. 

I have to open myself up fully so I can receive what God's son, Christ Jesus, fully opened himself up to give us. (John 3:16)  Jesus opened his heart, opened his arms and opened his hands...so that you and I could have eternal life.

What will it be?  

Keep everything closed up and stay rooted in the muck?  

Or let it all go and open up to the promise of a bright and glorious future?