Only Human

Some days are perfect beyond belief.  And then some days are tough, I mean, really tough.

Our love is tried.  Our patience is tried.  Our kindness is tried.  Our self control is tried.

Often times when we face these trials, we fail.  And sometimes that failure is abysmal.  We lash out.  We curse.  We indulge.  We judge.  We criticize.  We hate.  We plummet to places in our souls we forgot existed or even knew were there.

We give in to our weaknesses…whatever those weaknesses are.  We all have them.  Boy, do we have them.

Yesterday morning, I completely and utterly failed and let my weaknesses get the best of me.  And it wasn’t just a little failure.  It was an epic failure.  Because when I do things, I do them big…I’m either all in or all out…  

I won't to go into the gory details.  I will say that I was unfaithful to God and lacked both patience and self control. 

In the middle of my failure, I pulled out some bible verses I carry with me.  I read them.  Okay, if I'm going to be completely honest, I skimmed them.  I did not allow them to calm me down.  And then I blew multiple gaskets.  I was furious about the circumstance I was in and that people weren't living up to my expectations.  Yup, "my" expectations weren't being met (which is a topic in and of itself) and I was not happy about it.  

Afterwards…I was not happy with myself.  I was appalled that I allowed myself to slip back into my old ways.  I reached out for the prayer of others to help calm me.  I prayed for forgiveness. 

It’s one thing to slip up.  It’s another to let those slips define us. 

While praying, I found myself repeating the following which brought me comfort and peace…

I am not my weakness.

I am not my mistakes.

I am not  perfect.  

I am a sinner.

I am repentant.

I am forgiven.

I am made of flesh and blood.  

I am human.

I am His.