Our relationship with God isn’t something that miraculously happens. The earth doesn’t stand still. There is no angelic chorus sounding around us. Fireworks don’t suddenly go off. Rather, it’s something that happens slowly over time. God invites us into a relationship with him. He asks us to love him (Matthew 22:37).
For me it’s been an on again off again kind of relationship with him for the majority of my life. Sometimes life brings us things/circumstances/people we don’t welcome or want. That’s life. It happens. It’s those times that we should turn to God and draw closer to him, but me, well, I walked away. When the going got tough and didn’t go my way, I left.
It’s funny how some of those on again off again relationships never really seem to leave us. They stay simmering under the surface waiting to bubble up at any given moment.
That’s one of the great things about God. He never gives up on us or ever leaves us. (Hebrews 13:5) So in the not so good times, in the down right crappy times, it’s not God who fails us…God is always there. It’s other people. It’s circumstances. It’s the choices we make.
Even after I had left him hanging for over six years, God was patiently waiting there for me (1 Corinthians 1:1; 1 Timothy 1:16) still inviting me in. When I finally decided to accept his invitation to turn the relationship on again, it wasn’t a conscious choice to follow God. It was more a let’s try this out small group thing and see what happens. Because, you know, at any given time I could turn the relationship off again.
But I soon realized that there was no turning it off. The small group thing was actually pretty cool. I learned a lot about myself. So, there I was testing out the water again. Only, this time it didn’t take long to dive in head first. The more I got to know God, the more I wanted to know about him. So I found a church, joined a small group, began serving, got baptized, became a member of the church....
I began making choices about things the way Christ would. I began saying no to the world and yes to eternity. I chose God. A conscious decision. The best decision I’ve ever made. It’s a decision I make every day all day long…it’s the only way the relationship stays on again.
Like any long term relationship, I have to work at my relationship with God. Yes, work at it. You might be thinking, how in the world do you work at a relationship with someone you can’t see? Good question.
I spend time reading his word aka the bible daily. Even if it’s just a few minutes…I cherish that time when he talks to me through his word. I attend church to hear the gospel and learn more about him. I experience him in the world around me – the beauty of the world has become indescribable to me – it’s just amazing to be sitting here breathing in his awesomeness! And I spend time in prayer, lots and lots of prayer! Oh boy, the prayer!
Do I get mad at God? Yes. And I tell him when I’m not happy about something or don’t understand the reason something happened. That’s how relationships work. Talking (praying) things out is crucial. Do I get embarrassed or ashamed of things I say or do? Oh yeah…daily…and I talk with God about that, too. Not only with God, but those who I’ve actually wronged. I mean, what good is it to only apologize to God?
Actually, I share everything with God. Although when I stop and think about it…he knows everything that is going on in my life…even before it happens. But I have to talk to him and I think that’s what makes it so awesome…the constant communication. I smile and look up and shout, “Thank you!” I look up in tears and ask, “Why?” I fall to my knees and shout out, “Help me!” And he’s always there showering his grace, mercy and love down upon me.
Then there I times when I cry out, “Where are you?” Those are the toughest. It’s when I don’t hear his voice that I start freaking out. When I can’t hear him or if I don’t have things right with God, I’m off kilter. I start going coo-coo crazy. There are times I actually stop what I’m doing and cry out to him and ask if he can hear me and help me hear him. When I don’t hear him it’s typically because I am not spending time working on my relationship with him…so then I know that it’s nose in the bible and prayer time!
I love God. Without him my world crumbles and falls apart. I know you’ve felt that about someone before… You don’t hear from them. You’re constantly checking your phone. You try to figure out why they aren’t replying. You start thinking up all kinds of crazy scenarios. Then they call and you switch from panicked maniac to cool, calm and collected in a matter of seconds. Tell me you’ve never done that before…yeah, that’s what I thought.
Love will do that to you.
Weird sounding or not, I fell in love. I am in love with God. And I don’t ever not want to be.
1 comment:
Thank you for your wise and candid perceptions. You're such an amazing inspiration!
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