Is it Possible...

Written Saturday:

...to have feelings brewing for more than one person?

I had drinks with a friend of mine last night and the subject of seeing more than one person at a time was brought up ever so briefly. I just don't know how to handle things with men as of late. I've not really dated more than one person at a time, so this is so very new to me. While it's fun and exciting...

There is a part of me that feels guilty..

There is a part of me which is extremely excited to have Drew coming home tomorrow... I so hope that he's not too tired to see me. Even if we just hang out for a while, I soooo want to see him. To talk to him. Just be...with him... I feel at ease and so at peace when I'm with him. Except for the times I'm trying to figure him out~ LOL! As in what asking me to Chi-town in September to watch him open water swim means...

There is part of me which is very much looking forward to Denver coming to town in a couple weeks... I still wonder what really could be. Obviously, we've been emailing a bit since the disaster. I can't help but wonder what is really between us. His emails make me smile to the point I just can't explain. And freaking because he's already asked me to come out and visit him at the end of September.

I'm going to have to tell the cute, funny, bald guy that I'm not really interested right now... This a.m. I spent a while putting in time on match...so that I met the requirements. One more email this month... The four I wrote today were a thank you, I've met someone (meaning Drew), good luck...

As for Drew... I'm wondering if part of my attraction to him is the pursuit or the fact that I want him all to myself...or that we actually get along so well...I've been told by my sis that we seem like an old married couple!

Written today:

I'm really not sure what I want. A part of me wants to have fun...live life and forget about all the relationship B.S. BUT there is a part of me that is willing to take a leap of faith. And there is a huge part of me that doesn't want anyone, including myself, to get hurt. I think that is why I need to know where Drew and I stand. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to get hurt.

As for Denver, he is still coming out and as of now, still going to stay with me for part of his trip. I know some may think I've lost it...but I need to know for certain whether or not the spark we have is just "online" and not in real life. In fact, he's already asked me to come out and visit at the end of September...

I feel so torn... Neither man has brought up being committed... I don't know why I feel the way I do, other than I've never been in this type of situation before. And everyone I've talked to seems to think that dating more than one person is okay... I just don't know.

Maybe there is a part of me that wants a committed relationship. But I have to say there is a big part that is dead set against it! ;P I'm thinking this is why I don't broach the subject...

::sigh:: Who'd have thought that this could be so hard?!?!?! LOL!!! Definitely not me...

So, is it possible to be falling for more than one man...

I certainly think it is because I am...or should I say that I have...