Disastrous!

Yesterday could not have gone any worse...

Of course, it started out great. I was excited and nervous to meet Denver... He gets into the car and we chat...he leans over and we kiss. It was better than I imagined it would be...and I don't have to say it because he says it - better than he thought. Just like always, saying exactly what the other is thinking. So, we go back to my place and are having a good time. We're in the kitchen chatting, he comes over to me and kisses me for the second time. That was it, we couldn't stop...all I'll say is unbelievable...better than either of us imagined...

So, we are sitting on the couch eating grapes, when my phone starts ringing. I don't answer it the first time, but then it gets to be annoying so I go see who it is because maybe it's important.

Restricted Number pops in the screen. I shouldn't have answered it, but I did. It was her. I hung up and she called back. I answered (stupid, I know!)...she said she was his wife, wanted to know what was going on between Denver and I, that she had hired a private investigator, that she had documentation showing something was going on and that she wanted to talk to me. I told her that she needed to talk to him not me, that I'd been told she is not his wife, that if she continued calling that I was going to get a personal protection order against her (doubt I could but it sounded good at the time) and hung up. And I turned my phone off.

Denver just sat there stunned. He didn't want to talk about it, instead he asked if I could take him back to his dad's. Here I am sucker punched in the gut, just like him, and he didn't want to talk? I was hurt, disappointed, sad, floored, pissed...

Driving him back, I tried to get him to talk. I asked how he was doing. I asked what he was thinking. He's worried that she is going to be calling all of their friends and it will get back to his work. He's afraid of losing his job because about 15 people have been fired for being online at work. I ask if she would really do something like that and he says yes. Somewhere in the conversation, I told him that I wondered what other information she had on me. And I thought that she most likely did a background check on me and Lord knows what else, if she hired a PI...wonderful.

He said he was sorry that I was dragged into the middle of this. Really? No shit, me, too!!!

He asked to be dropped a bit from his dad's so he could walk, try to clear his head and think, so I did. He kissed me good-bye and said he would call later...

I started driving back home and called my sis. I needed to talk to someone. She seemed to think that because he left like that that he is married or something more is going on that I don't know about. That I should have given him the phone. That he should have taken the phone from me and told her to leave me alone... Etc, etc... But being a naive person, being so wrapped up with him emotionally and so very much wanting to believe Denver, I was having a problem listening to her...

I get home and pour a very strong drink and decide to go lay in the sun. I laid out for three hours and four drinks... Fried - in all senses.

So during my basking in the sun, I texted Denver around 3ish...only to be more disappointed. He only said he would call me soon, that he needed time to think and, lastly, whether or not I had talked to her. WTF? You have got to be kidding me. I tell him I need to talk because I don't understand that if it's over with her and he's not married why he left like he did and that I was feeling confused...and he responds like that?! I respond back that I really need to talk and that no she hasn't called.

Around 6:30 I text him again asking whether or not he is going to call and that I don't know what to think and feel stupid. He texts back that he will call around 8pm.

I'm laying on the couch. He calls shortly after 8. He sounded terrible. I ask if he is okay, he says no. He says he needs to get back to CO to straighten things out and will call me ASAP on a secure line...and oh, by the way, have you talked to her? WTF AGAIN! Not only am I not getting answers, he doesn't even ask how I am doing... I say no, why? He says that she texted him that she talked to me and I agreed to tell her everything. I tell him no, she hasn't called again. He says he has to go and hangs up.

You've got to be fucking kidding me... I couldn't believe it.

After the drinks, the sun, the crying, the fretting, the worrying, etc...I had the biggest mother fucking migraine I'd had in about a year! I snorted some Migranal (it's a nasal spray) to get rid of the migraine and went to bed crying...

And ya know what? I don't give a flying fuck if the bitch reads this. If she hired a PI, I'm guessing they have ways to find things like this...but I don't give a damn...she must have all our emails and texts by now, so she already fucking knows everything. In fact, if she calls again, I think I may just talk to her...

And what am I going to say to Denver when he finally calls me, if he calls me. I feel so pissed and confused right now. Although a part of me wants to believe that he is feeling like crap and just can't talk and is completely floored by all of this...naive on my part??? Probably... ::sigh::

I had such high hopes and feel like the world came crashing down around me leaving me in a pile of rubble...

Any who...done with my little tyraid...

I felt and still feel so many things - pissed, hurt, disappointed, played, used, sad, frustrated, confused, alone...trying not to cry, again, because I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes right now...

Mostly, I need a hug.

I just want a hug and to forget about yesterday which turned out to be a hideously, disastrous day.