Not Lost

I surely thought that new guy was a lost cause...that I had blown it last weekend... Seems I was wrong...or rather more realistically that Gigi had taken over and made me a complete lunatic for a day or so.

Talked with him last night and tonight.

Last night seemed like he would be hanging out with his daughter all weekend...and I was going to be all wrapped up in running - coaching Saturday and a race Sunday.

Tonight, after a little more inquiry and prodding on my part, he asked if I wanted to come hang out with them Saturday...I said sure, why not, but I'd need to shower when I got there. ;P So he'll leave the garage thingy hidden somewhere for me and when I get done with my coaching and run Saturday, I'll swing by, shower and spend the day with him and his daughter.

Maybe he just needs me to encourage him and let him know that I'm interested... Although I'm not sure why. He's a good looking guy. Very outgoing. Appears to have it together (although we all know that could be an act....just look at me! LOL!!!!) But for some reason I get the feeling that he's not very secure with himself...I mean, he's half alluded to it himself... Or maybe he just likes to hear words of affirmation...where as I like to have quality time... I dunno...just thinkin'...

::sigh:: I want to kiss him...again... Last weekend, he said when we kissed it was like we were dancing... ::bigger, more wistful sigh::

It seems that when we give up on things is when we are most surprised that all is not lost after all...

My Prince

Had a great run on the hamster wheel today... 3 miles in about 25 minutes then sprints around the track for 10 - 15 minutes. :) Probably a total of 3.75 miles if not more. Not bad...given I haven't been all that motivated to run lately.

Haven't heard from my man today...seen him online a few minutes ago, but he clicked right back out. That's okay with me because if it was meant to be, he'll call... And if it wasn't...that's okay, too, because there are more fish in the sea! (No fisherman pun intended for those of you who know the whole story!)

Looks like I'll be running four miles tomorrow and three on Thursday after I get some highlights! :) Mahogany and light brown! Time for a change! :)

Friday I'm going to the show with a friend...maybe more. I sort of went out with him a couple summers ago...we shall see. I'm not going to spend my time pining for someone...gotta get out there and mingle to find the "right" one! :)

Saturday...no real plans except dog walking in the morning.

Sunday I have a four mile race...I'm hoping to place in the top three of my age group. Fingers and toes crossed!!!! Plus, I ordered some insulated compression tights that should arrive tomorrow. WooHoo!!!! Can't wait to try them out! :) My regular compression pants shaved 20ish seconds per minute off of my time...so I'm completely geeked about getting these for the race! :)

I've been talking, a lot actually, with this guy I went to high school with. He's going through a divorce right now and we've been having some really good, long talks. I've been giving him some tips and he's been taking them and using them with success! Guess all the shit I've gone through Jaba with hasn't been for nothing after all... ;P And the conversation just flows naturally, so that's good.

Not sure why but the Cinderella song - Someday my Prince will come - just popped into my head.

So with that positive note, I think I'm going to head off to bed and perhaps I'll dream about my prince...whomever that may be!!!!

Bring It

Yupper...it is what it is...can't change anything.

 

I just need to relax and go with it.  If things work out with this person or that person...so be it.  If not, then it wasn't meant to be and it's time to move on.

 

Today is a new day and I'm ready (I think) to take on the world!

 

Bring it!!!!

Sabotage

I think I know what I want. I'm not afraid to go after it. But once I have it...I freeze. I stand there paralyzed. Like a deer in headlights.

Do I think I'm not worthy? Do I think I'm not meant to be happy? Am I afraid to grasp on and not let go, but am so much more afraid of being hurt that I push what I find away? Do I really have to be in complete control of everything? Why do I have to micro-analyze and nit pick everything? Why can't I see the good in things?

Long story short...

I spent the weekend with the new man... And fucking freaked out.

A friend of mine says that it's because the events weren't on my terms and my way and it was completely out of my control.

All of which are true - I didn't have any control. And I am a control freak.

I could also see myself falling easily into his life... And that scares the shit out of me.

I've lost myself in too many a man's life...and transformed myself to be what would be good for him and for us to work. I don't want that to happen again.

But where is the happy medium? There has to be some sort of center ground, right?

The older I get, the more guarded I seem to get. The bigger and thicker the wall gets around my heart...

When I take a step back and look at things from the outside...it really was a good weekend. From what I've seen, he's a good man and a good dad. His daughter is so cute and sweet.

I'm just not sure why I do or think the things I do.

Sometimes I wonder if I sabotage myself.

Long Time Update

Oh boy...so much to write about....

 

I've had a lot going on the last little while.

 

I can't even remember the last thing I wrote about!

 

Let's see, on the running front - I've been back at it and pretty much over the groin/adductor injury.  Doing 15 - 20 miles per week now, so that's good.  I was planning on doing a run Super Bowl Sunday, but I'm just not race ready.  There's a 4 miler on Valentine's Day that I want to do...but still a little leery about signing up for that one, too...not to mention the new MAN!  Whoop, whoop!  Oh, I'm planning a 6 miler when I'm down visiting my girlfriend in Atlanta.  As long as I stay injury free, I'll be running a 1/2 Marathon in April!  Was thinking about doing the Cleveland Marathon in May, but now I'm thinking that's just too soon to log so many miles especially since I've been having some lingering problems with my hip/leg.  Soooo...Chicago in October may be my next Marathon!

 

As for the dating front...(or rear!  LOL!!!)...long story about how it's all come about, but I've met someone new and have started dating again! :)  He's...  I hate to even say anything good and have it all go to hell...because, you know, that's the sort of shit ass luck I have when it comes to men.  Any who, he's really attractive, funny, outgoing and completely out there!  I love it!  And he actually talks to me!  Boy, can that man talk!  LOL!!!  Date number four will consist of ice fishing, a movie or something and then Super Bowl party at his house...OMG, a 24+ hour date!  Hope he can put up with me for that long! 

 

Ah well...gotta run...literally!

Here and Now

OMG, trying to get back into the groove of things...and man, it's rough!

 

It's been 19, yes, 19 days of no running.  I think I maybe blown out of the water for the Martian Marathon - but then there's always the half marathon!!!!  And Chicago Marathon registration opens February 1st!  Woohoo!!!!  Chi-town bound! :) 

 

I WILL qualify for Boston this year.  I most certainly WILL! :)

 

This stupid adductor injury is still here and I can still feel it when I jog.  Not that I've been out and about...but just a 10 ft jog to test things out.  Ow.  But the Ow keeps getting smaller and I've been doing lots of stretches here in my office chair! ;P

 

Speaking of work, this whole work thing is for the birds.  Yes, yes, I'm thankful for my job....but I really did a number on myself over the holiday break.  I stayed up late and got up late.  My entire schedule is out of whack.  Even the dogs are messed up because of it.  Next week will be easier, I'm certain of it! :)

 

I have been getting quite a bit done on the reunion.  I posted pics from my yearbooks.  I've updated my contact info file.  I've found a few more people.  Sent out a ton of emails.  Made some phone calls.  Blah, blah, blah...  It's all been extremely time consuming.  And I'm currently canvassing for Promotion Team volunteers - you know, to help find classmates.  I can't do it all (even though I wish I could!).

 

So while I haven't really written in a while...not a whole lot to report on...

 

Just pluggin' along living in the Happily Here and Now!