Too Much Ex

Everything isn't always sunshine and roses…in the whimsical world of Paul and Sue…

Earlier this week Paul's ex was having scheduling problems…apparently she can't schedule her time and the kid's time - she wanted to take a spinning class but couldn't coordinate getting homework done and dropping a kid off at practice.  Paul and I were supposed to get together that evening.  He didn't call me until almost 8:30…He asked if I was coming over, I said - sorry too late for me to come over.  And asked why she can't learn how to schedule…  Whatever.

Last night I was on the phone with Paul and I just lost it.  Paul mentioned that he still didn't have his car back.  His ex had car problems Monday and he let her borrow his car.  He also asked her to have the shop look at his car as well once hers was out.  He tells me that he still hasn't heard anything on his car.  Huh?  It's been four freakin' days and no word on his car?  Humph.  Then he mentions that he is going to have the kids Sunday even though it's his ex's weekend.  He goes on to say that he is going to have them because his ex wants to go talk to her boyfriend about things and that she may be dumping him.  Seems he showed up at her door unannounced for the umpteenth time and was crying (whatever that means) to her about something or another.  Huh?   

So we have a little pattern of the ex whining and crying and Paul catering to her little whims to appease her.  It does not seem like he is doing this for the kids.  It seems like he is doing this for her.  The question is what is the reasoning behind it?  Not only that, but what reason is there for him needing to know what is going on in her life.  

Needless to say when he started talking about his ex's relationship issues, I lost it.  I stopped him and said something along the lines of I hope you don't talk to her about our relationship.  In fact, I don't want you talking to her about us at all because it's none of her business.  And why do you know so much about her relationship?  I ranted on about her needing to be able to schedule things.  That she was the one that left him and why is he bending over backwards.  I was not happy.

He said that he doesn't talk to her about us.  That if she asks that he tells her what we did like going to a movie, but what goes on behind closed doors is not discussed.  That he asks questions because that's how he is - he does ask a lot of questions about relationships because when we have talked in the past, he asked me a ton.  But what reason does he have for asking his ex….what makes him even care other than having a curious nature?

Well, after my little tirade, we talked a little longer and hung up.  I felt bad for going off on him, so I called back a little later and apologized…

This a.m. I woke up and it was still bothering me...

I guess I have a hard time with these things for a couple reasons.  One, like I said, is that it seems like he caters to her every whim to appease her and not the kids…and I feel as if he put her needs and wants over mine.  I will say that I am a very independent person and have learned to rely solely on myself.  I rarely, rarely ask anyone for help.  So watching all this neediness and appeasing happening is unreal to me!  I'd like to scream at her - Get a grip lady and get to it!  You put yourself in this situation, so suck it up and own up to the situation you've put yourself in…and leave my man alone!!!!  Go find your own man and some other friends to rely on!!!  Sheesh!

Secondly, I've never had to deal with an ex, especially like this, before and I'm still trying to find some middle ground.  I mean being nice to your ex is one thing, but being all up in their business…back off!  This is all new to me, but come on already…I mean he has to talk to her and get along with her for the kids…but to this extent????  Heck, last weekend she even asked me to play softball with her this summer…Ummm…NO!!!  ;P

I don't know.  A part of me thinks I'm over reacting.  Another part of me sees red flags. 

I know Paul likes me.  I like him.  We'll work through this…I'm sure there has to be some middle ground.  Heck, just typing all this out has made me feel better about things.

We'll have to talk about it more this weekend…because at least in the near term, I'm not sure how I can continue to handle so much of his ex…

My...

This afternoon I was at work waiting to get into my Chief's office. I was hovering as he had flagged me just a minute and getting extremely bored. I saw that a friend of mine was watching, so I walked over to his cube. We started talking and chatting about this and that...

Eventually the topic turned to kids and how so many kids were off school and perhaps that is why email was so slow this afternoon. He mentioned how his kids were off, as well as, another coworker's... I said that my daughter wasn't off...and neither were my husband's kids (referring to Paulywog). MY HUSBAND?!?!?!?! ACK! I turned 25 shades of red, put my hands over my face and said...I mean my boyfriend's kids...

I couldn't recover. I told the guy, okay, I've lost it, I'm done, can't think...gotta go...

WTF was I thinking? Was it a slip of the tongue that I referred to Paul as my husband? Was it wishful thinking? Was it me day-dreaming too much?

Paul and I get along great. He asked me to go away over the July 4th weekend with him... He's asked for all kind of input regarding the house he is closing on tomorrow... And I can't wait to see him...and hope to God he can't wait to see me either...

So was it a slip of the tongue or was it a glimpse of what is yet to come.

What will Paul be to me?

Will he be my...?

T9

Sometimes I find it annoying that things I type with my phone keypad with the T9 word complete function come out to be not what they should be. Tonight was much different and I got a huge laugh out of it. :D

This evening I was texting Paul about switching the evening/night I have my daughter this week and typed in my daughter's dad's name and then space without thinking. It seems that in the T9 world "marty" = "nasty". Go figure.

Some things are just NOT a coincidence. LOL!!!!

More about Gigi!

If I were to send Paul an email about my "Gigi Moment", it would go something like this... (I will most likely wait to talk to him about it though - email just isn't the way to go with something like this!)

Preface: Gigi is the spazed out chic from "he's just not that into you".

The impromptu talk last night was a good one. I'm almost hesitant to say anything for a couple reasons. First, because I don't want to come across as having a "Gigi Moment". Second, because just everything you said to me about us/me was all positive and good…and made me smile. :)

I do hope that I was able to ease your mind about how I feel about both my and your interaction with your ex. Like I said last night, I do not feel threatened by her and I'm still getting to know her…so no issues on my part. So if I'm quiet when she's around, it's not because of any negative feelings, it's just me internalizing things and trying to figure out how to respond/communicate…all new to me!

I guess the only thing that has made me stop and think is the topic of marriage which you brought up. Like I said, I'm almost hesitant to say anything because I don't want to come across as having a "Gigi Moment" analyzing and over analyzing things…but well, maybe I am. And I suppose it's bothering me because you mentioned that you do want to get married again, just not now because of your youngest daughter - which I can completely understand. Anyway...Ever since my last divorce I've told myself that I didn't want to get married again…that I would be content just being with someone in a committed relationship and pretty much said as much to you last night. Which completely contradicted what I said about my therapy appt a couple weeks ago…that who knows, in five years I could be married with a new last name. But when you asked how I felt about it, I froze and the walls came up. I guess I didn't want to admit to myself or anyone else for that matter, that I could see myself getting married and that I actually do want to someday...and perhaps these thoughts are a result of meeting you.

Phew! I said it. It wasn't that hard after all. And what's that I hear? Chip, chip, crackle, crackle, crackle... Look the wall is comin' on down... LOL!

Any who...It was bothering me and I have promised myself that if something is bothering me that I am going to communicate it…one way or another. ;)

Gigi Moment

A couple weeks ago my sis, my friend Richard and I went and saw "he's just not that into you". I thought it was a great movie. Since then my sis and I have been having intermittent "Gigi Moments" and teasing each other about them. In the movie, Gigi is a girl who is constantly analyzing things guys do and say over and over again…watches the phone for calls/texts back, etc. All the freakish things us women do while trying to find a sign that a guy actually likes us, she does to the Nth degree. It was really quite hilarious - well, hilarious, but sadly true to some extent.

I had a "Gigi Moment" last night and did not sleep at all… I lay awake in bed and just listened to Paul breathe…

Why? Well…we had a long conversation about the last couple years of our lives and dating and how we happen to get to where we are today. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, Paul brings up the subject of marriage. No, no, not what you are thinking! He says that he can see himself getting married again, he misses having someone to come home to, but that given the emotional state of his daughter, he couldn't get married. He asked me what I thought about marriage. I told him that my greatest fear was being alone; that obviously I'm okay being alone, but I do want to be with someone. That if I couldn't be married then I wanted to be in a committed relationship.

Paul said other things to me like… "I knew after our third date that we were a couple." "You're a keeper." "You're really great with kids." "I'm able to be me when I'm with you." (or something to that affect)

When he made the comment about the third date, I told him about my conversations with Richard and my sis about whether or not I should ask him (Paul) to take his profile off of match after our third date. They told me it was too soon, but after all the crap I'd been through with Drew… So I told Paul that I went to turn mine off anyway and saw that he had taken his down. I told him he didn't know how much that meant to me… I told him I was like "woohoo" and made these silly arm movements. I looked up at him all smiles and he was smiling back. :)

So why was I up all night? I had a Gigi freak out - his comment about no marriage right now just threw me for a loop and that's all I could focus on. I've said so many times over the past couple years that I don't want to get married again…but that really isn't true. I think I just hadn't met the person whom I wanted to be married to. I can honestly see myself with Paul down the road. I can see us spending time with his kids, time with my daughter, doing things together and just being happy. And I am falling, if I haven't already, in love with him. So the no marriage thing just resonated in my head, playing over and over and over again. All I could think was that this was something that I wanted and that it may not happen in the way I've been imaging it or ever.

OMG! I just went back to add the snippet about the third date and match profile and realized that we both felt the same way after our third date. That we both knew that we wanted to be with the other person. Wow… Okay, my heart is smiling.

I still think I have to say something to Paul. I let too many things go unsaid with Drew and it ate me up inside. I don't want the same thing to happen again.

Just typing all this out has made me feel better. And it's made me realize that perhaps Paul and I are on the same page. That maybe he brought up the marriage comment because he was thinking about it and wanted me to know where he stood on the topic? I don't know…there I go over analyzing again.

I do know that I have to stop analyzing and over analyzing and stop having these silly little "Gigi Moments".

Such a Great Weekend

What a great weekend…

Friday after working out, Paul and I went to see "Taken" and then out for a quick bite to the Olive Garden.  Movie wasn't all that hot…so I don't recommend anyone wasting their hard earned moola to go see it.  After that we headed back to his place, relaxed and went to sleep. 

Saturday morning, I got up to go feed the dogs and take a quick shower, so we could head out to his daughter's basketball game at 9 a.m.  After the game, we went to the house Paul is buying…  I had some paper and we walked through the house together.  Yes, I said "we", since I'll be helping him.  Plus, Paul is asking for my help.  Me asking questions and making notes on everything that needed to be done/worked on.  Boy, it sure was a long list, but the house is going to look great once we are done.  Paul was really stressed about the house and what to do/what not to do.  I asked a lot of questions that got him thinking and he said he felt much better after we were done.  :)  After that, we went to the gym and then each ran our errands for the day.  We met back up at his place later and off to the local market to do some grocery shopping we went.  We got a steak for Paul, salmon for me, two bottles of wine, strawberries, chocolate, etc…  Got back home and Paul said he forgot something…  He said it was supposed to be a surprise, but I got it out of him.  He wanted to get a game - Scrabble!  (Long story)  So we ran back out to Toys R Us and picked up a game of Scrabble.  Once back at his place, we made some dinner, ate, played Scrabble (I won!!!! I even made him text his daughter so her and I could gloat a bit - part of the long story.), then exchanged gifts.  I got Paul a couple baseball hats.  He got me a very pretty bracelet with dangling hearts on it and a navel ring.  Paul has this thing about playing with my navel ring while we are laying around watching TV.  I always tease him that we can get him one…but for some reason he always declines!  LOL!  The naval ring is a frog with dangling legs - a pollywog from the Paulywog! ;P  After that…well…it's private!  It had to be one of the best Valentine's Days I've had in a long, long time… :)

Sunday a.m. we got up and Paul made breakfast while I put away dishes and cleaned up my white chocolate disaster from the floor…  Don't ask!  LOL!!!  After that we lazed around a bit and I headed home about noon.  We did our own things and I went back to his place with movie and computer in hand.  I put together a little Microsoft Project workplan of things to do for the new house from the previous day's excursion and we looked at it while eating hot wings Paul made from scratch.  MMMmmmm!  After that we watched the movie and went to bed.

I really like him a lot and told him as much Saturday night…  I just happened to leave a little note on his computer this a.m reaffirming what I said to him.  I think he likes me, too.  In his card, he had written that he wouldn't change anything about me and was glad that I chose him as his "match".  :) :)  (I've mentioned that I met him via match.com…didn't I???)   

It really was a great weekend. 

Patience?

Okay, since my last entry I hate to say it, but I have succumbed to becoming the Text Message Queen. I've realized that my expectations regarding communication with Paul during the day and while he has his kids needed to be changed, so I've relaxed a bit on the topic. I'm still not completely happy with all the texting vs a quick call at times…but if this is the only thing I have to complain about, which it is, then sheesh!, I should consider myself lucky! Plus, since Paul doesn't have a desk job, I need to learn patience…because he can't always text me right back…and I have very little patience and expect a prompt return message…which can't always happen. Ah well...

Things have been going really great Paul and I really don't have any complaints. I'm looking forward to this weekend…no kids! He's had his kids four weekends in a row, so it will be nice to have some kid-free adult time with him. ;) And it's Valentine's Day, so… What to do, what to do? I have been wracking my brain and can't come up with anything too great…other than the usual stuff. Plus, I don't want to go too overboard given we've only been dating a little over a month.


It's so weird because it feels like I've known Paul forever. I mean we are still learning about each other, but it just seems natural (for lack of a better word) when I'm with him. :) I like that. I'm even comfortable with his kids and like them which is a huge thing for me.

Now if we could just find a good time for him to meet my daughter. Seems our schedules are a bit conflicting in the evening, but I really would like him to meet her soon.


Speaking of my daughter...she seems to be quite the flighty little bird as of late. She's spending lots of time with her boyfriend and no time with mom. :( Alas, I am no longer cool and quite boring these days. ::sigh:: I couldn't even get her to go to the show with me this past weekend. Oy! I know eventually I will be back in her good graces. Suppose I just have to wait. There we go again with the patience thing!

Good things come to those who wait...so I guess I just need to have some patience, right? But dang it, I've been waiting a long time!!!! ::tapping toe:: ;) Phewy on the patience crap! I want everything now! ;)