125 Minutes

That's how long it took to run 11.08 miles today...

The plan was to run 10 miles today in training for the marathon. I've never ran 10 miles and I was a little tentative about it when I started out. I was hoping for a call or text good luck from Paul...but I never got one.

Run, run, run...I ran down the road... Everytime I was feeling tired or discouraged, I would tell myself - "you're a marathon runner, you can do it!" Apparently it worked! ;)

I stopped to get some water around mile 4 - in and out of the rest stop on the road. Mile 5 seemed to go on forever... I stopped at mile 6 and mile 8 for some water, too. I walked maybe a minute or two around mile 8 (which turned out to be mile 9)...

When I got to end of 10 and saw it took me 125 minutes I was a bit discouraged...12 minute 30 second miles...bah!

I got home and mapped the run...turns out instead of 10 it was 11.08 miles! 11 minute 17 second miles are a bit easier to swallow! :)

125 minutes...

That's the amount of time I had to contemplate my current relationship...

A couple posts back I said how I wasn't sure how long I was willing to wait for Paul to catch up... A lot went through my mind today. It hasn't been all rosey as of late...and I haven't really written about it because a part of me thinks that Paul may still be reading this and I've been trying to keep our personal life off the blog. But I can't help but write tonight because I keep feeling like he is pulling away and I can't help but feel like I'm some sort of after thought....there's the kids, work, softbalf, golf, the house...and then there's me. I just feel very unsettled about things...

Here it is 9:30 pm and not a single peep from him today.... I know he has a signal because he texted me last night. It's very disappointing to me. He knows how important communication is to me. And I'm tired of making excuses for him about being busy or wrapped up in the kids or the house or whatever. It takes two minutes to text and just as long to call for a quick hello.

It's funny (okay, not really)...there is a pattern that keeps repeating... I get unhappy, we talk about things, he modifies his behavior to make me happy, then I start becoming unhappy because he starts reverting to his old behavior.

125 minutes...yup. :) and :(

Time to Leap?

Seven months...it's been seven months since Paul and I started dating.

I love him...and I want to tell him...but I'm scared...I don't want to get hurt...and I don't want to be rejected...

Paul will be gone off and on the next month.

He's not even gone yet and I miss him...

Sooner or later I'm going to have to take a leap of faith.

No Title Today

Boy, it was a busy, busy weekend!  

 

Saturday I took Zeus to the vet for his yearly check-up and some shots.  I also asked the vet about a groomer in the area because there is no way I can groom him myself.  He is not only a wussie boy, he runs away and snaps at me every time I try to brush him.  He runs even if he sees a brush!  LOL!!!!  Soooo...vet. gave me some sedatives for him.  Nighty, night buddy-boy!  After the vet, I picked up Paul and headed over to Hines Drive for an 8 mile run/rollerblade trek.  125 minutes...a little over 8 miles...not bad time for my first 8 mile run.  After that I hung out with my daughter until she bailed on me...so I texted Paul asking if he wasn't planning anything with his son to let me know because I didn't feel like being alone.  I do end up going over there for dinner with him and his son.  When I got there and asked why they didn't go hit some golf balls, Paul said that they could do that anytime...they didn't want me to be alone... Awwwwww.... :)  So we had ribs and watched a movie.  It was a nice night.

 

Sunday I get up and leave for my girlfriend's house around 9 a.m. for a five mile run.  After that I spend about two hours running errands.  Once done with that, I head outside for some yardwork - cut grass, pick up poop, weed, weed, weed...  Paul stops by with the weed whacker and helps me out, since I don't have one...awwww... ;)  He also helps me put up the vertical blinds in the living room - hoorah!  After that, I pulled out most of the tacky strips in the living room with the tiny and moved the furniture back into place.  Yippee!  Once done with all of that, I shower, run up to the tanning salon, make dinner and finally sit down at 8:15ish...  Phew!

 

This a.m. I got up and felt like I was hit by a truck.  Ugh!  My entire body hurt.  How is it that I can run, run, run with no problem and do a few things around the house and wind up being sorer than sore?!?!  Oy!  Too many squats pulling weeds; that's what I think! ;P

 

For the rest of this week, I'm not sure what is going on.  Today and tomorrow I may run with Paul.  I probably will because if I don't, then I probably won't see him for a while!  He has his son all week, plus Wednesday he has softball, Thursday he has golf and then may leave for up north with his son until Saturday p.m. or Sunday a.m...spend time with the girls, who are out of state for a tournament, then he's off for a work roadtrip for most of the month of August...  :( 

 

I'm sort of bothered that I won't be seeing him for so long...  I really am at a point in my life where I don't like being alone.  I want to spend time with someone and be with someone.  I know that Paul isn't at the same point I am...I just don't know how long I can wait for him to catch up to me.  Plus, he has lots of other distractions in the evening - kids, golf, softball, me!...and I don't.  I have my running, but that doesn't take all night or hours of a night...and my daughter, well, even when she's with me, she's not with me...she's with her boyfriend.  ::sigh::  I guess I just feel frustrated right now and there really isn't anything I can do about it.  It's just frustrating.

 

Well, since I can't do anything about it...gonna try not to focus on it.  Lots of other things to keep me "busy"...painting ceiling, painting trim, working in the yard, more running...all these things will keep me busy, but they'll also just give me more time to "think" about things!  LOL!!!!

 

Ah well...onward! ;)

Uncanny

Hmmmm... I just took this facebook quiz and wow....

Here are the results...

Even though you've been told more than once that fairytales don't exist, you just won't let it go: you're a big romantic and you carry on waiting for them. A smile, a bunch of flowers, a candle-lit dinner, a sensual kiss under a starry sky... some would say it's an old-fashioned view but you love it! You fall in love easily but you're a natural worrier and are always afraid of being abandoned. You have a continual need to be reassured in your relationships, which can sometimes be tiresome for your partners. This easy-going, affectionate person reassures you. You like snuggling up in their arms. They are of a faithful nature, and by their side, you will no longer be afraid of being abandoned. They help you to express your emotions and to liberate yourself from your fears. Before meeting them, you feel like a little girl/boy but they enable you to gain confidence and, if they were to ask you to be the mother/father of their children, you'd gladly accept!

Blah, blipity, blah, blah, blah...

I really need to try to be more diligent about my entries. Seems they get farther and farther apart...

Pretty uneventful week for the most part.

Running:
Monday - 4 miles with Paul rollerblading.
Wednesday and Friday - speed work on the treadmill - 3 miles each and then sprints afterwards on the track.
Tuesday and Thursday - nada
Plan for weekend: Saturday 7-8 miles and Sunday 4 miles

Been feeling a little insecure lately... Trying to feel secure with my insecurity and not doing too bad a job.

Paul and I are doing good. :)

My two weeks with my daughter ends on Sunday. :( Even though I haven't really seen her - her and her boyfriend are connected at the hip - I'm gonna miss her...

Doggies...driving me nuts today.

Zoey has a cut on her front paw and I took her to the vet yesterday...visit, rabies shot, three prescriptions...$160 I take Zeus for his shot tomorrow. Fun, fun, fun...

Oh I never wrote about the great escape, did I? Tuesday night, daughter comes home...both dogs get out...chase them all over the neighborhood... 1 a.m. Unreal. Thank goodness when I finally caught up with them, Zeus came to me and then Zoey did... I think I would have blown every gasket known to man if something would have happened to one of them.

Ah well, it's late...and I'm tired... Just waiting for my daughter to get home...like I said, don't really see her and I miss her...

Blah, blah, ::yawn::, blah...

Great Weekend

What a great weekend! :)

 

Friday, Paul and I went and saw Kid Rock.  We had a great time! :)  Maybe too good a time because Saturday a.m. we both woke up feeling like crap!  Apparently, we had a couple too many drinkie-poos...  Whoopsie! ;P 

 

Saturday was pretty much wasted...and we decided to go see "The Hangover" to go along with our state of being...  It was completely inappropriate and completely hilarious!  After that we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner - I had a $10 off coupon. :)  It was pretty early, so we stopped at Blockbuster and picked up "Horseman" which was just okay, as well as, bought a couple CDs.  We dropped "Gran Torino" at Paul's mom's and then went home and watched the "Horseman".

 

Sunday was a much more productive day! :)  We got up and went out for breakfast.  Paul did his thing while I ran some errands and talked to my sis.  We got back together around 2:30 and drove over to make a six mile trek.  I ran and Paul rollerbladed.  We made it in about 61 or 62 minutes...I forget!  Not too bad...  I dropped Paul off, went home, did some laundry, relaxed a bix, showered and headed over to Paul's to grill up some dinner.  We talked and cooked and ate...then ran out for some ice cream...mmmmmm...!  Good thinkin', Paul! :)  Back to his place to watch the other movie purchased - "War of the Worlds"...Ooooo...spooky! ;P

 

Now it's Monday...  Paul said he'd blade with me Monday and Tuesday while I run, so I'm looking forward to a good four mile run today! 

 

All-in-all it was a really great weekend! :)

Love for Me

Happy...

Scared...

Falling in...

Not sure what to do or think...

Don't want to get hurt again...

The unknown...

Here I am...

No looking back...

Trying not to look forward...

Living in the here and now...

It's hard for me...

But I have to do it...

All for happiness...