Testimony...My Why

Peace.  It’s something I had been looking for my entire life.  Until I found the Lord, my life contained anything but peace…. And even today, there are times I look in the mirror and am not happy.  There are times I’m ashamed of the woman I see staring back at me.  The life I’ve led up until several years ago was not the life I thought I would have.  

I never felt good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, athletic enough, caring enough, kind enough…  And at the same time I felt too aggressive, too needy, too shameful, too clingy, too controlling, too pitiful…

Something was always missing.  So, to fill the void, I turned to men and material things. But I was never happy.  Never satisfied.  That void inside my heart grew bigger and deeper the harder I tried.  The harder I tried, the more shame I felt.  

Fast forward to today… My life isn’t all butterflies and rainbows, but that’s okay.  I know God has my back.  And I know that my church family has my back, too.  

So, what finally stopped the cycle?  God.  I had finally opened myself to God.  Instead of slamming the door shut in God’s face, I had finally FINALLY accepted his invitation to begin a relationship with Him.  A real honest to goodness relationship with Him.

My way of life had always centered around me…it was all about doing what I wanted when I wanted to make myself feel better.  Instead of feeling better, all I was doing was diving deeper and deeper into sin and further and further away from God.  I finally began to find peace when I shifted my focus from myself to God.

I became cognizant, I mean really biblically cognizant, of right and wrong.  I began choosing to be happy and looking at the positive side of things.  I chose to go back to some of those I wronged and apologized.  I started walking the walk He had planned for me.

I can see that God is working through me and in me…. He knows where my heart is and how I long to help other women like myself pull themselves up from where ever they used to be and shine in his glory. 

I pray that everyone can feel and experience the relief and joy of relinquishing control to God.  Getting connected, serving, giving back…  Because it’s not about us.  It’s about God.  Once we intentionally give control…complete control…to God is when we find and are filled with His spirit.