Personal Change

Being a Christian does not mean I am perfect.  I mess up all the time.  Boy, do I mess up.  Being a Christian means I realize what I did wrong and make changes to ensure it doesn’t happen again…the biblical word for that is repentance.

According to Wikipedia (non-biblical definition):  "Repentance is the activity of reviewing one's actions and feeling contrition or regret for past wrongs. It generally involves a commitment to personal change and the resolve to live a more responsible and humane life."

Seeing and realizing what I’ve done wrong is easy.  At least it is now.  As soon as I do something wrong, I know it.  I stop.  Literally, stop, dead in my tracks.  My eyes grow wide.  Depending on how bad it is, I may scream at myself (in my head, of course), “Sue!!!!”  More often than not, I look up and say, “I’m sorry Lord!” - sometimes out loud, sometimes just mouthing the words and sometimes in my head.  And if another person is involved I apologize to them as well.

The difficult part is making sure it doesn’t happen again.  That is the intentional part.  Being intent on doing good at all times and making changes as needed along the way.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

We admit to doing wrong…confess.  God is faithful and wipes the slate clean…Jesus died so that we could be forgiven.  Jesus’ death washes away our wrong doing…purifies us.  From everything that is bad…unrighteous.

I've got all that down.  It's the next step, the personal change.  The making sure it doesn't happen again that I need to work on.

For me...I expect myself to be good all of the time.  Not a very realistic expectation given I'm human.  Perhaps it's because I'm pretty open about being a Christian.  So when I do mess up I feel like the spot light is on me and a siren goes off.  It may sound strange, but I am really very aware of my wrong doings.

Making sure it doesn't happen again.  Making personal change to make sure it doesn't happen again.  I don't know why this is bothering me.  Something about it has been pulling on my proverbial coattails all day.  

Perhaps it's because I have had to give myself several "time outs" at work last week.  I have been really struggling with keeping my composure.  I haven't lost it which is good.  But I have had to tell someone I would have to call them back and have walked away from groups at least two or three times in the last week to pray and regain my composure.  

Light Bulb Moment! 

Yesterday, I was telling a friend not to be so hard on themselves.  I may have even waggled a finger at her. Seems I need to take my own advice.  Seems I shouldn't be fretting.  Seems like I have been changing after all.  If I hadn't started writing, I would have never come to this conclusion.

Slow.  Intent.  Personal Change.  Got it.