Time to Leap?

Seven months...it's been seven months since Paul and I started dating.

I love him...and I want to tell him...but I'm scared...I don't want to get hurt...and I don't want to be rejected...

Paul will be gone off and on the next month.

He's not even gone yet and I miss him...

Sooner or later I'm going to have to take a leap of faith.

No Title Today

Boy, it was a busy, busy weekend!  

 

Saturday I took Zeus to the vet for his yearly check-up and some shots.  I also asked the vet about a groomer in the area because there is no way I can groom him myself.  He is not only a wussie boy, he runs away and snaps at me every time I try to brush him.  He runs even if he sees a brush!  LOL!!!!  Soooo...vet. gave me some sedatives for him.  Nighty, night buddy-boy!  After the vet, I picked up Paul and headed over to Hines Drive for an 8 mile run/rollerblade trek.  125 minutes...a little over 8 miles...not bad time for my first 8 mile run.  After that I hung out with my daughter until she bailed on me...so I texted Paul asking if he wasn't planning anything with his son to let me know because I didn't feel like being alone.  I do end up going over there for dinner with him and his son.  When I got there and asked why they didn't go hit some golf balls, Paul said that they could do that anytime...they didn't want me to be alone... Awwwwww.... :)  So we had ribs and watched a movie.  It was a nice night.

 

Sunday I get up and leave for my girlfriend's house around 9 a.m. for a five mile run.  After that I spend about two hours running errands.  Once done with that, I head outside for some yardwork - cut grass, pick up poop, weed, weed, weed...  Paul stops by with the weed whacker and helps me out, since I don't have one...awwww... ;)  He also helps me put up the vertical blinds in the living room - hoorah!  After that, I pulled out most of the tacky strips in the living room with the tiny and moved the furniture back into place.  Yippee!  Once done with all of that, I shower, run up to the tanning salon, make dinner and finally sit down at 8:15ish...  Phew!

 

This a.m. I got up and felt like I was hit by a truck.  Ugh!  My entire body hurt.  How is it that I can run, run, run with no problem and do a few things around the house and wind up being sorer than sore?!?!  Oy!  Too many squats pulling weeds; that's what I think! ;P

 

For the rest of this week, I'm not sure what is going on.  Today and tomorrow I may run with Paul.  I probably will because if I don't, then I probably won't see him for a while!  He has his son all week, plus Wednesday he has softball, Thursday he has golf and then may leave for up north with his son until Saturday p.m. or Sunday a.m...spend time with the girls, who are out of state for a tournament, then he's off for a work roadtrip for most of the month of August...  :( 

 

I'm sort of bothered that I won't be seeing him for so long...  I really am at a point in my life where I don't like being alone.  I want to spend time with someone and be with someone.  I know that Paul isn't at the same point I am...I just don't know how long I can wait for him to catch up to me.  Plus, he has lots of other distractions in the evening - kids, golf, softball, me!...and I don't.  I have my running, but that doesn't take all night or hours of a night...and my daughter, well, even when she's with me, she's not with me...she's with her boyfriend.  ::sigh::  I guess I just feel frustrated right now and there really isn't anything I can do about it.  It's just frustrating.

 

Well, since I can't do anything about it...gonna try not to focus on it.  Lots of other things to keep me "busy"...painting ceiling, painting trim, working in the yard, more running...all these things will keep me busy, but they'll also just give me more time to "think" about things!  LOL!!!!

 

Ah well...onward! ;)

Uncanny

Hmmmm... I just took this facebook quiz and wow....

Here are the results...

Even though you've been told more than once that fairytales don't exist, you just won't let it go: you're a big romantic and you carry on waiting for them. A smile, a bunch of flowers, a candle-lit dinner, a sensual kiss under a starry sky... some would say it's an old-fashioned view but you love it! You fall in love easily but you're a natural worrier and are always afraid of being abandoned. You have a continual need to be reassured in your relationships, which can sometimes be tiresome for your partners. This easy-going, affectionate person reassures you. You like snuggling up in their arms. They are of a faithful nature, and by their side, you will no longer be afraid of being abandoned. They help you to express your emotions and to liberate yourself from your fears. Before meeting them, you feel like a little girl/boy but they enable you to gain confidence and, if they were to ask you to be the mother/father of their children, you'd gladly accept!

Blah, blipity, blah, blah, blah...

I really need to try to be more diligent about my entries. Seems they get farther and farther apart...

Pretty uneventful week for the most part.

Running:
Monday - 4 miles with Paul rollerblading.
Wednesday and Friday - speed work on the treadmill - 3 miles each and then sprints afterwards on the track.
Tuesday and Thursday - nada
Plan for weekend: Saturday 7-8 miles and Sunday 4 miles

Been feeling a little insecure lately... Trying to feel secure with my insecurity and not doing too bad a job.

Paul and I are doing good. :)

My two weeks with my daughter ends on Sunday. :( Even though I haven't really seen her - her and her boyfriend are connected at the hip - I'm gonna miss her...

Doggies...driving me nuts today.

Zoey has a cut on her front paw and I took her to the vet yesterday...visit, rabies shot, three prescriptions...$160 I take Zeus for his shot tomorrow. Fun, fun, fun...

Oh I never wrote about the great escape, did I? Tuesday night, daughter comes home...both dogs get out...chase them all over the neighborhood... 1 a.m. Unreal. Thank goodness when I finally caught up with them, Zeus came to me and then Zoey did... I think I would have blown every gasket known to man if something would have happened to one of them.

Ah well, it's late...and I'm tired... Just waiting for my daughter to get home...like I said, don't really see her and I miss her...

Blah, blah, ::yawn::, blah...

Great Weekend

What a great weekend! :)

 

Friday, Paul and I went and saw Kid Rock.  We had a great time! :)  Maybe too good a time because Saturday a.m. we both woke up feeling like crap!  Apparently, we had a couple too many drinkie-poos...  Whoopsie! ;P 

 

Saturday was pretty much wasted...and we decided to go see "The Hangover" to go along with our state of being...  It was completely inappropriate and completely hilarious!  After that we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner - I had a $10 off coupon. :)  It was pretty early, so we stopped at Blockbuster and picked up "Horseman" which was just okay, as well as, bought a couple CDs.  We dropped "Gran Torino" at Paul's mom's and then went home and watched the "Horseman".

 

Sunday was a much more productive day! :)  We got up and went out for breakfast.  Paul did his thing while I ran some errands and talked to my sis.  We got back together around 2:30 and drove over to make a six mile trek.  I ran and Paul rollerbladed.  We made it in about 61 or 62 minutes...I forget!  Not too bad...  I dropped Paul off, went home, did some laundry, relaxed a bix, showered and headed over to Paul's to grill up some dinner.  We talked and cooked and ate...then ran out for some ice cream...mmmmmm...!  Good thinkin', Paul! :)  Back to his place to watch the other movie purchased - "War of the Worlds"...Ooooo...spooky! ;P

 

Now it's Monday...  Paul said he'd blade with me Monday and Tuesday while I run, so I'm looking forward to a good four mile run today! 

 

All-in-all it was a really great weekend! :)

Love for Me

Happy...

Scared...

Falling in...

Not sure what to do or think...

Don't want to get hurt again...

The unknown...

Here I am...

No looking back...

Trying not to look forward...

Living in the here and now...

It's hard for me...

But I have to do it...

All for happiness...

Love...

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown

True love stories never have endings. ~Richard Bach

Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before. ~Mignon McLaughlin

You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~Dr. Seuss

Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. ~Author Unknown

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart. ~Author Unknown

True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall - but you are there to catch them. ~Author Unknown

Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. ~Julins Gordon

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. ~Author Unknown

It's so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you. ~Author Unknown

Come live in my heart and pay no rent. ~Samuel Lover

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Claudia Ghandi

Falling in love is so hard on the knees. ~Aerosmith

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else. ~George Bernard Shaw

Race Details! :)

So race morning started out good. I chomped down an energy bar and a bottle of water with some zipfizz, then hopped in the shower...

I packed a change of clothes since after the race we were going to go watch Paul's daughter in a softball game.

I looked outside when letting the dogs in and freaked! Rain!!!! So, I grabbed my old running shoes...in the event that I may need them. Didn't want to get the new shoes wet!

Off I go to pick up Paul...and we drive toward the race location.

Rain, rain, and pouring rain! It was difficult for me to see while driving...I was not happy. My first race and it's pouring rain! I did not want to run in the rain! Ugh!

So we get to the race location and park. The rain is not stopping. We see people walking/running around getting drenched...and I mean drenched! Off and on rain for about a half hour. I stop a couple people and they tell us the race start has been delayed - thank goodness!

I can't stand it so I go out by the library and stretch. I go back to the car. Big support by Paul...LOL!!!

I finally suck it up and go over to where the race is going to start... It's sprinkling and my glasses are getting all mucked up. Wonderful.... The race starts and off I go...

As soon as we start running, it starts pouring...again. It rains hard for a good five minutes...I take off my glasses and shove them down my sports bra. Don't really need them anyway! And nothing like your feet squishing in your shoes...bleck!

Running, running, running....

I get to the two mile marker and the guy shouts out 16:20. Wowie! I'm running just over 8 minute miles! :) Once past the two mile mark, it goes from road to running on a trail...full of puddles and mud...yuk-o!

We get back on some asphalt and zoom, zoom, zoom again! I see the finish and there is a huge puddle. It was probably 7ft across and 10ft long... I figure no going around and slowing down, so right down the middle I go. Plus, I figure it will make a great pic! :)

I get passed the finish and slow down... No idea of my time... Look around... No Paul... Walk around... No Paul... Head back to where we were parked...no car! Huh? Then I see him...in the car...holding up a towel he had just purchased for me... I wasn't happy that he wasn't at the finish for my first ever race...but thanked him for the towel. I could tell Paul felt bad that he missed it... :( ...but I teased him anyway. ;P

We walk back because I want to find out my time... We had to wait a while for the rest of the folks to finish...

Finally, they posted the times....

I ROCK IT OUT!!!! 25:58 at a 8:23 minute mile pace!!!!! WooHooo!!!!

I was 2nd in my age group and 111th of 249 overall!!!

It was tough, but I made it and I did better than I ever expected I would!!!!

I Rocked It!

Oh yeah baby...I ROCKED IT!!!!!

My first ever race... A 5K (a little over 3 miles)...

28:58 overall time.

8:23 minute pace.

2nd in my age range.

111th of 249 runners.

I'll write more about the race later...gotta run...pun intendend!

ROCK ON!!!! I'm geeked!!!! :)

(and Paul was there, too! :) :) )

Oh, Whoa is Me

So I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight....

I have my first "real" race this coming Saturday morning. Sure I've done a couple races, but I've never ran one for "real" time. So, this will be my first official race.

I picked up my number and shirt this evening. I'm so geeked about it!!!! I'm number 601...which really could be lucky number "7" because 6 + 0 + 1 = 7. I know, I know, not only am I geeked...I am a geek! LOL!!!

But...as of now, I'm going all by myself. :(

I don't want to go by myself. I want someone there jumping up and down and cheering me on as I run past the finish line...

I don't think I should have to ask anyone to come...but no one is offering to come cheer me on. I want someone to be there to share my excitement. And this is really bumming me out. I know everyone thinks I'm very independent, but come on people!

I was thinking I would ask Paul to come with me tonight...but he had some stuff come up with his daughter's softball team and I didn't want to bring it up because bascially it's a cluster f..k situation and I didn't want to seem selfish. And I know he has his kids Friday night and the race is at 9 a.m. Saturday morning...excuses, excuses, excuses not to ask...

But I do want to be selfish!!!!!! I want to scream...why isn't anyone offering to come to my race?!?!

I don't want to be there alone...

What fun is celebrating at the finish line all alone? :(

Guess I'm gonna have to suck it up and ask someone to come with me...

So...oh, whoa is me...I feel sorry for myself.

Leap of Faith

Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith no matter how scared we are...

Off I go...leaping...praying I miss landing in the poop...and...praying I find at least one coin from the pot 'o gold at the end of the rainbow...

Geronimo!!!!! :)

Me, scared?

Been very busy as of late!

Last week I was off of work...and extremely swamped with home improvement projects. I got the bug from Paul...and have no clue what made me jump in with both feet. But that's me, jump right in with both feet with little thought to what could possibly happen or go wrong...because, of course, all will go well without a hitch. Ha, ha, ha! ;P

Basically I spent the past week painting, running and contemplating my life...

I started out thinking I would paint the living room. I got a bunch of those samplers and had big blotches of paint all over my living room wall. Blotches are a far cry from a sample paper hanging on the wall for the past year. Yes, that's right...I had a sample color slip hanging on the wall for the past year...and have done nothing until now.

Well after the blotches of paint on the living room wall, instead of choosing a color and going with it, I put some blotches on the kitchen wall, too!

Let's see... one red wall in the kitchen...one primer coat and two coats of color... Think I still may need a third coat of red. Then I decided that I couldn't leave the other three walls white, so they are now a nice carmel brown. ;P That took about three or four days...

Then there's the foyer, living room and hall way... A nice milk chocolate brown...or rather cinnamon spice to be exact! Two coats...may need a third.

Also thought I could refinish the fireplace in the living room...started that prior to painting. What a mess!!!! Wound up just sanding the top down after trying to strip away the paint. A little delay, hence painting the kitchen first.

Throw in running four to six miles a day....

And today, Paul stopped by and tore out the carpet and padding in the living room, foyer and hallway for me... Nice hardwood floors underneath all that! :)

Soooo...still have trim to paint in the kitchen, foyer, living room and hallway. Still have staples and tack board to pull out in the foyer, living room and hallway...have done quite a bit of staple pulling after my four mile run today, but got tired and gave up. ;P Should I mention that the kitchen ceiling now needs painting because the blue tape pulled the ceiling paint off and I now have a nice sporadic mint green trim around the edges of it?!?!? ARGH - I actually cried when that happened.

Did a lot of contemplating this past week, too. Had a really wonderful weekend away with Paul... And I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt again. But we are both giving a lot of effort into making things work between us...and we do get along... I'm just really, really scared about getting hurt...really scared. Ah well...nothing ventured, nothing gained. And I know what I'm getting into...eyes wide open...and heart opening up again, too. Hence me being scared. Plus, Paul is going to be really busy with work and kids the next month or two...and since quality time is a biggie for me, so I have to remind myself to not take things personally...which I have a tendancy to do even when it's not meant to be that way.

I have my first race this weekend... A 5K. Should be okay. Paul has been roller blading with me while I run. I like that because it pushes me to run faster. Next month I have an 8K and a 5K...and then the Half Marathon in October... Maybe the 10K Turkey Trot in November.

Blah, blah, blah... I've been putting off writing because I haven't really been able to figure out what was bugging me. I like doing things for myself. I enjoy seeing the results. But...it's time to let someone in and let them be more a part of my life...and have I mentioned that I'm scared??? LOL!!!

Ah well, better wrap things up and head to bed...