everything i need.

what was going on?  

what was happening?  

i felt like the world was closing in on me.  that there was nothing i could do.  that everything was just too much too handle.

i froze.  i was frozen in time.

i sat there staring at my computer screen...for most of the day.

i sat there freaking out.  anxious.  not understanding what was going on with me.

the chatter in my head whirled round and round.

it was a muffled chatter, but chatter none-the-less.

i couldn't make out the words.  

i knew the chatter was there.

i seriously didn't know what to do.  

it was like the world was caving in...but nothing bad had happened.

it was just a normal day.  

which is why i was freaking and making a big deal about it in my head.

as i type this, i can feel the anxiety rising up.  

it's there...it wants to bubble over. 

i won't let it.  i can't let it.

it will not take over again.

it won't back down.

as i read the words on a note card, i am terrified.  but why?

NO!  NO! (screaming to the chatter)

reading the note card:  i am His masterpiece, His workmanship, sealed with His promise, redeemed.

NO!!!  you can't come in! (again, screaming to the chatter)

i put my face in my hands so quickly that my hands actually slap my face.

i had texted a friend an hour or so ago:
"chances are the closer we get to our calling, the more opposition we will face.  the harder things will become.  the more difficult even the simplest things will be."

i'm guessing i'm getting seriously close.

i feel opposition at ever turn.  at every stop.  in every situation.

i know the road ahead is filled with...torment...oh my, that is what popped in my head.  

torment.  wow.  really?  seriously?  torment?

it doesn't have to be.  

earlier this evening, i was led to the following scripture and...

i know that within it lies truth.  

i know that within it lies peace.  

i know that within it lies comfort.  

i know that within it lies everything i need.

James 4:7-11 (NIV) 
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.