Testimony...My Why

Peace.  It’s something I had been looking for my entire life.  Until I found the Lord, my life contained anything but peace…. And even today, there are times I look in the mirror and am not happy.  There are times I’m ashamed of the woman I see staring back at me.  The life I’ve led up until several years ago was not the life I thought I would have.  

I never felt good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, athletic enough, caring enough, kind enough…  And at the same time I felt too aggressive, too needy, too shameful, too clingy, too controlling, too pitiful…

Something was always missing.  So, to fill the void, I turned to men and material things. But I was never happy.  Never satisfied.  That void inside my heart grew bigger and deeper the harder I tried.  The harder I tried, the more shame I felt.  

Fast forward to today… My life isn’t all butterflies and rainbows, but that’s okay.  I know God has my back.  And I know that my church family has my back, too.  

So, what finally stopped the cycle?  God.  I had finally opened myself to God.  Instead of slamming the door shut in God’s face, I had finally FINALLY accepted his invitation to begin a relationship with Him.  A real honest to goodness relationship with Him.

My way of life had always centered around me…it was all about doing what I wanted when I wanted to make myself feel better.  Instead of feeling better, all I was doing was diving deeper and deeper into sin and further and further away from God.  I finally began to find peace when I shifted my focus from myself to God.

I became cognizant, I mean really biblically cognizant, of right and wrong.  I began choosing to be happy and looking at the positive side of things.  I chose to go back to some of those I wronged and apologized.  I started walking the walk He had planned for me.

I can see that God is working through me and in me…. He knows where my heart is and how I long to help other women like myself pull themselves up from where ever they used to be and shine in his glory. 

I pray that everyone can feel and experience the relief and joy of relinquishing control to God.  Getting connected, serving, giving back…  Because it’s not about us.  It’s about God.  Once we intentionally give control…complete control…to God is when we find and are filled with His spirit.

Exit 26

A few weeks ago, I decided to give my daughter and son-in-law my car.  I left work early to pick up my new car and finalize everything which would enable them to take my old car.

All of my plans changed right before Exit 26 on I75N.

I drove along on I75 North, from work,  with my speed control set at 70 mph while enjoying a private Jermey Camp concert sponsored by Spotify.  I wasn’t even half way home when I felt this weird push.  I wasn’t sure what was happening.  I looked over to my right and found a man driving a grey/silver vehicle staring directly at me.  His car was pointing directly at me vs driving straight down the expressway.  He was spinning out of control and I was eerily calm.  

There was one moment when I sensed I wasn’t going to make it and I thought “Oh God, help me. I’m not ready to die.”  After that moment, the other driver spun, literally spun, away from me and off of the expressway into the ditch.  I somehow  pulled over onto the shoulder.

When I got out of my car, a calmness fell over me.  Either that or I told myself to get it together.  Possibly a combination of the two.

I wasn’t crying.  I wasn’t angry.  I wasn’t anything…other than okay.  I was okay.  I don’t even have words to explain it.  I wanted to cry.  I tried to cry.  I couldn’t cry.  I was completely calm.  So weird.  Any who, I digress…

Another car had pulled over behind me and one in front of me, so I got out of my car and headed back towards the car which hit me and was somewhere in the ditch.  I had no idea what was going to happen or what I was walking towards, but back I went.  Only when I was walking did I think about calling 911.  So back to my car I went.  My phone was still connected to the USB…. I grabbed it, tried to unlock it while quickly walking back to the other driver who’s condition was unknown.  

I came upon the SUV which pulled over and saw/confirmed that the woman was on the phone with 911.  I stopped fumbling with my phone and on I went, back towards the other vehicle.

Before I knew it there were four people on the side of the expressway I was walking towards.  I asked how the driver was and the tallest young man said that he was driving.  I asked if he was okay and he said he wasn’t.  I looked him up an down and he had some, what looked like brush scratches on his calves and his socks were wet.  He had on some what I call shower sandals and had walked out of a ditch, so those scratches were to be expected.  Other than that, he appeared okay.  I asked again if he was alright and he said no.  

At this point, I’m thoroughly confused.  The other driver didn’t know he hit my car. How could this be?  Then he states he’s been drinking and that he’s in trouble.  Without thinking I tell him he’s right. He says he’s gotta go and I tell him he’s not supposed to leave the scene of an accident.  But off he goes running up the on ramp of Exit 26.

The car that stopped in front of me followed after the driver.  The two women who stopped behind me, stayed.  I thank them continuously throughout the remainder of this saga for staying.

I call the Rockwood Police station to let them know the other driver ran off.  They indicate that they will let the responding officer know.  

We wait.  And wait.  And wait for what seemed like an eternity.  We hear sirens.  Then we don’t.  Several minutes later a Sherif SUV, a fire response unit and two fire trucks arrive.  It’s me and two witnesses…the other couple left after the driver ran off.  

The Sheriff comes up to us and I start talking to him.  I identify the man in the back of his SUV as the other driver.  I supply the information he requests.  He tells me I can leave.

Hmmmm….that’s it?  It was very anti-climatic.  

Two things for certain…. One, I will never come up on Exit 26 the same.  And, two, I will never doubt the power of our Lord.

Where Faith Meets Fear

God meets us at the edge where Faith meets Fear.

I’ve been at the edge recently and believe it or not, I truly did meet God there.  He always shows up when we need Him.  I know, I know…He is always with us…but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like it, if you know what I mean.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my daughter about their vehicle.  I offered to help pay for some auto repairs they desperately needed.  Come to find out that the repair center I found for themdeclined to fix their car.  In all good conscience, they couldn’t given the trans is going and will likely fail within a year or less.  Great (eye roll).  And honestly great that the repair center had the integrity to let them know this and not take their money for the fixes they needed.

Time to look for a used vehicle for them, right?  So I helped them find some reliable used vehicles.  I set up an appointment with my daughter to go look at them.  The day of our excursion I began thinking…how are they going to pay for this used vehicle?  Hmmm…. I text my daughter and tell her to inquire with her credit union.  Given their current financial situation, they don’t qualify.

I did the only thing I could do and I offered to give them my car. There was a lot of discussion and there were a lot of mixed emotions on both sides.  My daughter finally accepted and said that she would talk to her husband.

So began the search for a new car for myself. I found what I wanted and then I began looking for dealerships who had the vehicle I was in search of. 

I had no idea how I was going to afford a car payment. My salary is made up of base pay supplemented by profit-sharing. It seemed like I was going to have to reduce the money I put my 401(k), or stop investing entirely, to enable me to help them. To say that I was anxious about it was an understatement.

This all happened over the course of one single weekend. Even though I appeared to have it all together for my daughter, I was silently freaking out.

Monday morning came around and I began my drive into work. I turned on my podcast and listened. And what I heard… It more than convicted me that I was doing the right thing. The podcast was on the book of James and this particular podcast was chapter four.  When I heard James 4:17 everything became clear. I knew that I was making the right decision and that I was doing the right thing and that everything would work out.

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”
‭‭James‬ ‭4:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬‬‬

Everything would be okay.  It had to be.

I walked into the office and opened up my laptop. That’s when I saw an email in regards to an update to our salary plan.  There was a video I needed to watch to be able to understand what was going to change. As I watched the video, sitting in my cube, I wanted to cry tears of joy. But I was at work, so I just sat there and silently thanked our Lord for such a wonderful miracle.

I discovered that my base salary was going to increase a significant percentage and that the profit-sharing would balance out to equal the yearly salary I’d received in the past. This was my miracle!!!  I had thought for sure that I was going to have to cancel contributing to my 401(k). I thought for sure that there was no way, without hurting my future financial well being, that that I would be able to afford a car payment. Little did I know that God was working out all things for my and my daughter’s family’s good.

Next came the search for insurance. I contacted my current provider, heard their quote and did not like it. I began researching auto insurance companies and prices in the state of Michigan. I came across several articles and reviews, and then contacted the preferred carriers. I found insurance that would cover me for the exact same coverage I had on my current vehicle, for this new vehicle, which was half of what I was currently paying.  Half!  In addition to that, I had recently purchased a wireless security system and planned on canceling my monitoring system saving me even more money.

There I was looking at a huge savings on insurance plus a savings on my security system which would cover almost half of the car payment that I now needed to make.  The change in my salary plan covered more than the balance. 

What more could I ask for?!  

This was definitely the handiwork of our Lord. There is absolutely no other way that this could’ve happened at the exact time, at the exact moment and in the exact way that I needed it to happen. The way that I needed it to be able to help my daughter and her family. 

God is working. HE is ALWAYS working for our good.

It’s when we step out in faith and into our fear that we meet Him.  And when we meet Him and move beyond the edge…it’s when we witness miracles.

Bathroom Blunders

This isn't a typical post...it's kinda funny and quite hilarious now that I am able to sit back and laugh about it.

So about a month ago, the glamster came running in on me in the bathroom.  I had taken off my socks and was going to flush the toilet.  He startled me and the sock...  The sock fell into the toilet as the swirling water was making it's way down into the great unknown.  Yup.  The sock flushed down the toilet.

The glamster and I stood there looking at each other with wide eyes.  I believe he actually said, "Oh my gosh".  Luckily I have a 6 ft auger.  So out it came...but no sock was to be found.  Luckily, I have two full bathrooms.  So that toilet sat idle...and we used the other bathroom.

Last week I decided to host what I called the Third Annual Ornament Exchange and Celebration.  I think I had about 25 ladies in my place last year...and if I was gonna do it again, it was time to get the toilet unclogged.  I'd need both bathrooms functioning with 25 ladies.

The plumber came this morning.  I'll call him Jimmy cause I think that was his name.  My memory is not what it once was....but I digress.  We flushed the toilet a couple times and it wasn't good.  I sat there shaking my head "no" as Jimmy watched the water swirl while from time to time look at me.  

Out to the van Jimmy went.  Jimmy brought in his own 6 ft. auger (same one I have, so I guess I made a good purchase when the glamster got something else stuck in the same toilet).  Several attempts were made with the auger. Alas, no sock could be found.  And the toilet still wasn't flushing right.  Jimmy looked at me and said, "I'm going to have to take the toilet off."  

Off comes the toilet.  No sock.  Jimmy looks at me and tells me he's going to have to go get the big guns...  That would be the electric auger.  I assumed Jimmy was going out to the van...but he had to go back to the main office (only a few miles away).  So I waited.  And waited.  It seemed like eternity and I wanted to go into the office.  

Jimmy finally arrives back and in he comes with three ginormous thick cloth tarps.  Did I mention I have off-white carpeting?  Down go the three tarps so the auger could make it's red carpet entrance.  Luckily after several attempts with the auger something (hopefully the sock..but who knows?) let loose and water started flowing.  Not quite how it should...but it was flowing.  He said if it acted up again they would have to snake a camera down there...and if it was something out where-ever the only way to get to it would be to break through the floor...did I mention I live on a slab????  I believe my exact words were, "I see dollar signs in my future..."

Well, back together the toilet goes.  Jimmy tells me to flush frequently throughout the day - so much for going into work - and that the company will bill me.  

So now I'm at home...flushing...all day.  Exciting.  Oh and don't forget about the toilet water cleanup.  My white tile and its grout hasn't been as white as it is now for a while!  LOL!

What to do...what to do???  Oh I'll do some home projects I've been putting off.  Let me tell you, I barely made it through the first one.

I have an ornamental shower rod which the little rubber pads fell off of.  This was several months ago.  The tub has been curtain-less since then.  I had the rod with curtain and liner still attached to it in my spare room.  

I find the krazy glue in the junk drawer and off I go into the spare room.  I apply a generous amount.  Okay, the glue came out like a water fall... I think nothing of it and attach the rubber to the end of the shower rod...and hold it there.  I wanted to make sure it was firmly affixed before I removed my fingers. I go to remove my fingers and my middle and third fingers did not remove.  They were FIRMLY affixed to the end of the rod.  Yes.  FIRMLY.  AFFIXED.  

I was in the back bedroom with a shower curtain rod with curtain and liner FIRMLY AFFIXED to my left hand.  I tried pulling the fingers off...but dang did it hurt.  There was no pulling anything off.  I'm screaming by this point.  Using my right hand, I pull the rod with curtain and liner all the way through the house to the bathroom which contains fingernail polish remover.  I have to pull the rod with curtain/liner fully into the bathroom and close the door to open the small bathroom closet containing the polish remover.  I cannot begin to describe how difficult and painful it was to maneuver to reach the pot of gold that was going to save my fingers.  Did I mention I was screaming?  

I get the polish remover out and try pouring onto my fingers which I'm sure are getting huge blisters on them.  The polish remover pours all over my freshly bleached bathroom tiled floor...  My fingers are not moving or removing and I am screaming again.

I reach in the closet for a cotton ball and start pouring remover and dabbing it while trying to hold the rod with my affixed fingers which makes it hurt even worse...  I was quite contorted and my fingers were burning.  (I wish I had video now...LOL!)

So I pull all of this stuff - remover bottle, cotton ball, rod with curtain/liner flapping behind into the kitchen.  I'm truly struggling to hold the rod and dab my fingers.  While I'm dabbing, I notice my other hand's fingers are starting to stick together.  AHHHH!!!  What???  No, this can't be!  But it's happening.  Crap.  More screaming.  I get a knife out of the drawer and start to scrape away at the point where the skin is affixed to the rod...but that hurts worse.  Now I'm certain I am going to have contact blisters on my poor affixed fingers.  

I begin freaking out and considering going to the hospital.  Then I think to myself that I would just look like a complete moron.  So I nixed that idea right away.

So, what should do I do?  I know! Take a picture and send it to my friend Betty.  I'm so laughing at myself now.  It's what everyone would do, right?  Share their plight with a friend...  Oh man (rolling eyes at myself now)...

I put the phone down and ask Siri how to unstick fingers stuck with krazy glue...because that's what anyone would do next, right?  I get to the krazy glue site and it says to soak fingers in acetone.  I look at the phone and I'm like...really?   I'll just pour this quarter bottle of polish remover into a giant bowl and stick the end of the rod and my hand it.  Seriously though, I have the rod propped against the counter and this didn't seem feasible at all.  

I decide to put the rod with curtain/liner up on the breakfast bar for some leverage.  I'm not sure why, but I find it necessary to remind that the curtain and liner are attached to the rod.  So now the cupboards containing the bowls are behind me and to the left.  My left hand is somewhat holding the rod up and my right hand is doing the rest of the holding.  I can't reach anything!

More contorting and screaming.  I have to reach backwards with my right hand to open the cupboard and feel around for a paper bowl...luckily within reach.  I'm thinking I would be pretty good at playing Twister at this point.

I get the bowl and put about a quarter of the polish remover in it.  Thankfully I'm able to hold the bowl up to my fingers.  So now it's doubly burning.  I'm also freaking out because I would hate for my acrylic nails to fall off.  (Third world problems, right?)  That's not all because now all of my fingers are sticking together...the glue is coming off...but not where I want it to.  More screaming.

I decide that I just need to start prying my middle finger off.  I begin to roll it back and forth while pulling on it.  And I wasn't pulling on it gently.  By this point, I'm scared, annoyed, frustrated and tired of this crap.  But wait...Freedom!!!!  A finger is free!!!  So...I do the same with the other one...  This one is more stubborn and my other fingers are beginning to stick together again.  Nooooo!  I really wish I had this on video.

At long last, my fingers are free.  I scrub my hands in polish remover...so gross...glue is all over both hands.  And still is...and likely will be for days.  This is only one finger.  The tops of my hands are worse...the acetone turned the glue white.  And it was E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E.

But...the shower curtain is back up.  Mission accomplished.  Krazy glue...take that!  Ha!

Next time you come to my house, make sure to sneak a peak at the ornate rod closest to the toilet.  You'll see remnants of this bathroom blunder. LOL!!!

Like I told Betty, "I can't make this shit up.  And remember I'm at home because I flushed a sock down the toilet."  "I so wish I would've been drinking when I did that and then it would at least make some excuse for it LOL"!

Oh, and all the while I'm typing this, I'm sporadically flushing the toilet...and wishing I had a video.  Dang, did I say that I wish I had a video?

Even when life happens I am able to #BeHappy and #FindTheJoy...

Middle Management

How are you at managing your “middle”?

I know it’s an odd question.  But stop and think about it.

In our lives, there is always something ending, there is always something beginning and we are always in the middle of something.  Our ability to manage our reactions and emotions in the “middle” will determine the path of our lives.

Again, stop and think about it.  What happened the last time you were in the the “middle” of it?  If you’re like me, middle reactions are not always the greatest and middle emotions are not always well managed.

God’s promises are always there for us.  God wants us and yearns for us to receive them.  How we manage our middle will determine whether or not we achieve and are open to receiving those promises.

We need to stop letting our battles overcome our blessings and begin ensuring that our story is relevant. We need to keep sight on what is good.  When we are in the middle, we lose sight of our blessings.  When we are in the middle, those blessings may seem small. We can’t let that misconception rule our lives.  We need to reign over perspectives.  We need to be intentional with our emotions and reactions.

Why?

Our emotions and reactions dictate how others will respond.

Our emotions and reactions dictate our outlook on things.

Our emotions and reactions directly impact our future.

If we want positivity in our lives, we must maintain today’s story.

Story?  What’s my story?

We need to maintain our story because we fight the enemy today with today’s story. Yesterday’s story is old and withered and we may no longer believe in it.  We need to dig deep and find even the tiniest of miracles in our lives today.  And then we must tell that story.  Tell it to ourselves and others.  The stories we tell ourselves and others have a profound impact.  

If our story is about how awesome we are, how blessed we are, what a great five minute workout we had...we'll exude positive vibes.  If our story is about how we were stuck in traffic for 20 minutes, how much we hate all the commercials, how horrible we are at __fill in the blank__...we'll exude some pretty bad juju.

David fought a giant with a  tiny rock. Our story doesn’t have to be ginormous.  It can be a telling of one of the tiniest things.  One of my tiny stories is that a little ole white haired woman gave me a cart without accepting a quarter back at Aldi.  Small...yet selfless and gave me joy today.

We need to stop and think about the story we are telling ourselves today and how we manage our "middles".

The story we tell ourselves and our middle management play a huge part in determining whether or not we can #BeHappy and #FindTheJoy.

Thanks to Steven Furtick for the topic and message!

I am.

Let's see...where was I.  Oh yes, the "I am's"...

Over the course of 10 days, here is what I ended up with.  

1. I am compassionate.
2. I am a mom.
3. I am a glamma - I don’t feel like a “grandma”.
4. I am persistent.
5. I am honest.
6. I am a Christian struggling with her faith.
7. I am empathetic.
8. I am a friend.
9. I am a sister
10. I am playing it safe.
11. I am brave.
12. I am beautiful.
13. I am loving.
14. I am intuitive.
15. I am a leader.
16. I am structured.
17. I am an ambivert.
18. I am authentic.
19. I am thorough.
20. I am direct.
21. I am truthful.
22. I am smart.
23. I am a teacher.
24. I am a writer.
25. I am driven.
26. I am a white girl.
27. I am His.
28. I am discerning.
29. I am a planner.
30. I am thoughtful.
31. I am a caregiver.
32. I am a counselor.
33. I am a Director (on a Board of Directors).
34. I am a popcorn lover.
35. I am a good listener.
36. I am organized.
37. I am a defender.
38. I am a student.
39. I am funny.
40. I am young at heart.
41. I am detail oriented.
42. I am loved.
43. I am needed.
44. I am cherished.
45. I am stylish.
46. I am willing.
47. I am a winner.
48. I am moving forward.
49. I am unique.
50. I am a warrior.
51. I am surrendered. 
52. I am unstoppable.
53. I am respected/respectful.
54. I am inspired.
55. I am reborn/made new.

"I am sure I'll have to refer back to these from time-to-time." ;)

Finally Forward

Today was very interesting...very interesting indeed.  I feel like I am finally getting unstuck.  I feel like am moving.  I feel like I am finally able to say that I am looking forward to...

...what is to come. 
...the impact I can make. 
...learning more about myself.
...growing in knowledge.
...helping others.
...the future in general.
...going to the dentist tomorrow to ready my molar for a crown....but not really.  (Popcorn 2...Sue 0 - yup, that would make for two broken teeth due to biting a popcorn kernel.)

And with that, it's time to add nine things "I am" which will take the list to a whopping 19...

1. I am compassionate.
2. I am a mom.
3. I am a glamma - I don’t feel like a “grandma”.
4. I am persistent.
5. I am honest.
6. I am a Christian struggling with her faith.
7. I am empathetic.
8. I am a friend.
9. I am a sister
10. I am playing it safe.
11. I am brave.
12. I am beautiful.
13. I am loving.
14. I am intuitive.
15. I am a leader.
16. I am structured.
17. I am an ambivert.
18. I am authentic.
19. I am thorough.