Only Human

Some days are perfect beyond belief.  And then some days are tough, I mean, really tough.

Our love is tried.  Our patience is tried.  Our kindness is tried.  Our self control is tried.

Often times when we face these trials, we fail.  And sometimes that failure is abysmal.  We lash out.  We curse.  We indulge.  We judge.  We criticize.  We hate.  We plummet to places in our souls we forgot existed or even knew were there.

We give in to our weaknesses…whatever those weaknesses are.  We all have them.  Boy, do we have them.

Yesterday morning, I completely and utterly failed and let my weaknesses get the best of me.  And it wasn’t just a little failure.  It was an epic failure.  Because when I do things, I do them big…I’m either all in or all out…  

I won't to go into the gory details.  I will say that I was unfaithful to God and lacked both patience and self control. 

In the middle of my failure, I pulled out some bible verses I carry with me.  I read them.  Okay, if I'm going to be completely honest, I skimmed them.  I did not allow them to calm me down.  And then I blew multiple gaskets.  I was furious about the circumstance I was in and that people weren't living up to my expectations.  Yup, "my" expectations weren't being met (which is a topic in and of itself) and I was not happy about it.  

Afterwards…I was not happy with myself.  I was appalled that I allowed myself to slip back into my old ways.  I reached out for the prayer of others to help calm me.  I prayed for forgiveness. 

It’s one thing to slip up.  It’s another to let those slips define us. 

While praying, I found myself repeating the following which brought me comfort and peace…

I am not my weakness.

I am not my mistakes.

I am not  perfect.  

I am a sinner.

I am repentant.

I am forgiven.

I am made of flesh and blood.  

I am human.

I am His.

Self Serve?

One on my beliefs is that we must lose all sense of self to be true followers of Christ Jesus. (Mark 8:34-35, Matthew 16:24, Luke 9:23, Proverbs 3:5-6)

Losing all sense of self...denying oneself...  

What exactly does that mean?  Losing all sense of self?  

Basically, we lose ourself when we stop obsessing over ourselves.  We stop serving ourselves.

Not focusing on ourselves seems to be a completely foreign concept in today's society.  We all appear to be so wrapped up in ourselves today.  Because, after all, it really is all about me.  Right? 

We want things now.  We carry our phones around like they are part of our bodies.  We want our calls, our texts and our emails now.  We want  everyone to "like" and "view" what we post now.  We want immediate responses.  We want the latest and greatest version of everything.  Even if it's not broke we replace perfectly good things - phones, TVs, tablets, cars, clothes, the list could go on and on...  We want it all and we want it now.

We want more.  We aren't happy with just one.  We have to have more.  We have to have bigger...better....more improved.   How many people have more than one TV in their house?  How many people wait for the latest and greatest release version of something we own?  How many people want more money so we can buy more things?  How many people have to have a certain brand of something or have things with a specific label?

We want and we want and we want...

What if we stopped pursing all of kinds of "things" and starting pursing love?

Love.  

Yes...love.

Jesus tells us to love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-39).  We aren't  command us to love ourselves.  We aren't told to do whatever we can to make ourselves feel good.  We are told to love others.  


Love is an action.  

We must act.  When we act, we are idly sitting by.  So when we act are are intentionally and purposefully do something.

If we are loving others...we can't be serving ourselves at the same time.  

Basically, when we intentionally love others we intentionally serve others...we lose ourselves.

Pretty simple when you think about it.  A little harder to put it into action.

So who will you be serving?  

Will you be sitting idly by?  

Or will you chose to act and intentionally love?

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, 

then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, 

whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. 

But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Joshua 24:15 NIV

Who's Got the Power

The Spirit of the God who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you. So the God who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your bodies. He will do this because of his Spirit who lives in you.

Romans 8:11 (NIRV)

The same power that rose Jesus from the grave...lives in us.  

That power lives in us.

Wow.  Unreal.  How awesome is that?!  It's completely and utterly awesome!  

But do we really believe it?  

Do we?  

I mean truly and honestly believe it?

If we did, everything would be achievable.  Every goal.  Every ambition.  Every dream.  

Peace, joy, love, compassion, patience would fill our hearts.

Doubt, fear, insecurity, shame, worry wouldn't exist.

What does that say about our faith in God?

What does that say about our trust in the promises of Christ Jesus?

We have this supernatural power inside us and yet we let the voice of the enemy rule our thoughts more often than not.  

We question our actions and decisions.  We doubt our abilities.  We fear the unknown.  We stress and worry about the littlest things.  We are so easily discouraged.

God created us to love Him.  God sent His son to die for our sins.  God had it all planned out.  He KNEW we weren't PERFECT and he sent his SON to DIE for for us ANYWAY.  And it's through Christ that we can do ANYTHING. 

It's when we trust and believe and step out in faith that we move from a dark and dreary existence into a bright and glorious life.

It's when we trust in God and go beyond ourselves that we truly start living.

We need to trust that we have the power.

So when life is getting hectic and things are weighing you down...

Remember to tell yourself...

I'VE GOT THE POWER!!!

Suffering = New Life

I just received a text from a friend saying that she was reading a book on suffering, thought of me and hoped I was having a great day.  And not that I found her text funny, but I actually laughed when I read it...then was really inspired to start writing.

A couple years ago, I would have said...  That my life sucked and would have used lots of colorful language to emphasize the suckiness of it.  That I didn’t think life was fair.  That somehow I always got the short end of the stick.  That my life didn’t turn out as I planned.  That I had amounted to nothing.  That everything I started somehow did not get finished.  That I was a failure.

When I think about it now, I honestly don’t believe my life has been bad.  In fact, I think it’s turned out really great!  I love my life…well, most of the time anyway!  LOL!

Suffering…hmmmm….

Yes, before now I would have said that I had been through hell and back multiple times.  And perhaps I have.  But today I am able to look at what I’ve been through in a new light.  From a different perspective.  In a new way.  In His way.

If I hadn’t experienced everything I had, I wouldn’t be in a position to do the things I am doing today.  

If I hadn’t experienced everything I had, I don’t think my love for God would be as great as it is today.

If I hadn’t experienced everything I had, I wouldn’t be able to connect and empathize with people on so many different levels as I am able to today.

I can look back and see that my suffering had a purpose.  Its purpose was not only to redirect me to the path I was supposed to be on, but to prepare me to do the work God intends for me to do.  Am I 100% sure of what His purpose is for me?  No.  But I do know that I am going in the right direction.  I also know that my suffering has prepared me to experience great joy and peace…a peace I never though was possible!  And it has given me clarity in the way I view things and the way I live my life.

Now when I’m in the middle of suffering…instead of wallowing in shame, self pity or regret (for very long), I am able to turn to His word, give thanks and rejoice for the many blessings I have been given.

In the same way, I will not cause pain 

without allowing something new to be born.”…

Isaiah 66:9 ERV

As I’ve personally experienced...out of suffering comes...clarity, direction, purpose, peace…a renewed life!

Connections

Connections.

We are all connected.  
We are connected whether we realize it or not.

Connections.

We may cherish them.  
We may not like them.  
We may thrive on them.  
We may withdraw from them.  
We may seek them out.

Connections.

We make them unknowingly.  
We make them mistakenly.  
We make them intentionally.  

Connections.

Some last a moment.  
Some last a lifetime.  

Connections.

Can bring a smile to our faces.  
Can bring tears to our eyes.  
Can bring love into our lives.  
Can bring us to places we’ve never imagined.  
Can bring us unending fear, pain and sorrow.  
Can bring us peace, comfort and joy.

Connections.

Without them we would be alone.  
Without them we would be isolated.  
Without them we would be without conflict.  
Without them we would be without love.
Without them we would be without purpose.

Connections.

Choose Jesus

The Enemy.  Lucifer.  Satan.  Angel of Darkness.  The serpent.

Regardless of what we call him, he opened the door, we walked in and we fell from grace.

Because we fell from grace we were sentenced to be hated and attacked by Lucifer. (Genesis 3:15)

It is the enemy who works to create unrighteous feelings within us.

I have been doubting myself as a Christian at work.

I believe I am playing a role in making a positive difference for the kingdom of Christ.

I don’t think the enemy appreciates what I am doing.

I truly believe the enemy is preying on my weakness…specifically, my doubts at work.

I completely freaked at work today.  I went over the deep end and assumed (yes, yes, I know what that makes you and me) the worst of the worst.  I completely feel into his trap.  I actually dove into his trap head first.  I didn't pass Go, I didn't collect $200, I just went right on into his trap.

Why is it that we so easily believe the enemy's lies?  

Why is it that we find it difficult to believe the promises of our Savior? 

It all goes back to our hearts.  Protecting our hearts above all else. (Proverbs 4:23)

I think we are so used to the garbage going into our heads, and ultimately our hearts, that it makes it just that much more difficult to believe the truth.  

Believing the truth.  

God is the truth.

John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

And that's the red letter text! (the red text in a red letter bible is what Jesus said during his life here on earth)

God sent his son to die to forgive our wrong doing.  To give us ever lasting life.  To give us eternity with Him.

We are THAT important to God.  I mean think about it.  Giving your only child for the lives of those in the world.  How many among us could do that?  It's huge!  Huge!

And yet we still doubt ourselves.  Question our worth.  Wonder about our importance.  Ponder our existence.  Even after God gave His son for us!

Jesus defeated the enemy for us.  He body slammed him.  The enemy was down for the count and taken out by God.  

Our job is to take that leap of faith, have hope, believe and walk with the Lord.

Why does it seem that every single time God extends His hand to us...we question?  We go into crisis mode.  The alarm sounds.  The sirens blast.  We duck and cover.

Imagine how God must feel when we do that...  Giving His ONLY child to death to see us consistently waiver back and forth...

I'm really not sure where I was going with this...only know that it's been eating at me all evening.

::long pause in typing::

All evening I've been feeling like I was failing again.  I mean I fell right into the enemy's trap.  But now that I've been thinking about it I don't think so.  I think it actually shows growth.  If I wasn't growing spiritually, I wouldn't be thinking about it.  And if I wasn't thinking about it, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it to make changes so that it doesn't happen again.

I'm done with the devil.  He's taken enough of my life.  He cannot have any more.

I choose Jesus.  

Personal Change

Being a Christian does not mean I am perfect.  I mess up all the time.  Boy, do I mess up.  Being a Christian means I realize what I did wrong and make changes to ensure it doesn’t happen again…the biblical word for that is repentance.

According to Wikipedia (non-biblical definition):  "Repentance is the activity of reviewing one's actions and feeling contrition or regret for past wrongs. It generally involves a commitment to personal change and the resolve to live a more responsible and humane life."

Seeing and realizing what I’ve done wrong is easy.  At least it is now.  As soon as I do something wrong, I know it.  I stop.  Literally, stop, dead in my tracks.  My eyes grow wide.  Depending on how bad it is, I may scream at myself (in my head, of course), “Sue!!!!”  More often than not, I look up and say, “I’m sorry Lord!” - sometimes out loud, sometimes just mouthing the words and sometimes in my head.  And if another person is involved I apologize to them as well.

The difficult part is making sure it doesn’t happen again.  That is the intentional part.  Being intent on doing good at all times and making changes as needed along the way.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

We admit to doing wrong…confess.  God is faithful and wipes the slate clean…Jesus died so that we could be forgiven.  Jesus’ death washes away our wrong doing…purifies us.  From everything that is bad…unrighteous.

I've got all that down.  It's the next step, the personal change.  The making sure it doesn't happen again that I need to work on.

For me...I expect myself to be good all of the time.  Not a very realistic expectation given I'm human.  Perhaps it's because I'm pretty open about being a Christian.  So when I do mess up I feel like the spot light is on me and a siren goes off.  It may sound strange, but I am really very aware of my wrong doings.

Making sure it doesn't happen again.  Making personal change to make sure it doesn't happen again.  I don't know why this is bothering me.  Something about it has been pulling on my proverbial coattails all day.  

Perhaps it's because I have had to give myself several "time outs" at work last week.  I have been really struggling with keeping my composure.  I haven't lost it which is good.  But I have had to tell someone I would have to call them back and have walked away from groups at least two or three times in the last week to pray and regain my composure.  

Light Bulb Moment! 

Yesterday, I was telling a friend not to be so hard on themselves.  I may have even waggled a finger at her. Seems I need to take my own advice.  Seems I shouldn't be fretting.  Seems like I have been changing after all.  If I hadn't started writing, I would have never come to this conclusion.

Slow.  Intent.  Personal Change.  Got it.