Relax

Tee - you're not the only person telling me that! :) Hope you and the FAMILY :):):) are doing well, I'm sure you're busy as anything! :)

My sis tells me to chill out all the time when I talk about relationship stuff. She thinks I'm a spaz. Me, a spaz?!?! Nooooo… LOL!!! YES!!!! ;P

Drew tells me to relax all the time - I can't sit still, I always need to be moving around doing something. Even when he's over and I'm cooking or whatever, I have to be doing something…making dip, getting drinks, yapping away, checking dinner status… Blah, blah, blah… When I talk on the phone, I have to be doing something else (unless I'm laying in the sun). Drew wrote me the other day at work telling me to relax so my heart rate would get below 100! ;P

It's a wonder I fractured both fibulas! Running 20-25 miles a week, walking dogs, doing sprints, jumping rope...

Can't sit still… Ants in the pants… A few loose screws… Marbles rollin' around in my head… You name it, I got it!

Okay, now I'm tired… Typing a million miles a minute is hard work! ;D

…gotta go relax…

Naw… ;)

Actions vs. Words

Yesterday I was talking with Drew… We talked for a good hour or so in the early evening. During the conversation, he asked if I still had some salmon in the freezer left over from his charter fishing trip. I said yes. He then goes on to tell me that he forgot he had promised some friends he swims with some fish and would I mind if he gave what I had to them because we had eaten all the salmon he had at his place. I said no I wouldn't mind, just to remind him to give it to him next time he was over. He said that he would just take it Saturday a.m. when he left for his swim. I told him no problem, just remind me.

So, Mr. Non-committal is making plans and assuming he will stay over this Friday, just like he does most of the time… Oh dear, does this mean we have a routine?!?! Ack! LOL!!!

We talked again later Sunday evening for a good hour. And I can't recall where in the conversations this took place…but… He was razzing me, again, for not seeing him in the hallway at work one day last week. I can't help that I am not always paying attention to people walking around me when engrossed in a conversation with someone… A friend of mine just got hired back in a new position, so her and I were catching up. I called him a stalker, he told me that I am ignoring him. So, I told him that he should have said, Hi, Sue… His response was something like, oh you would have introduced me as your partner outside of work.

So, is Mr. Non-committal inferring I am his partner outside of work? Hmmm…

This morning I get to work around 8:30 and am busy working away. Soon I see a little email from Drew pop up in the corner of my computer window.

This afternoon Drew has a friend cancel out of a fishing trip they had planned on Friday and who does he ask? Me! Specifically: Wannna take friday off and go on the boat . .. ..just cruise around and drink:)

Hmmmm…

Every now and then I still flounder back and forth about what is going on with us…then he does these little things that just surprise the heck out of me.

You know what they say…actions speak louder than words.

Right?????

Bilateral Stress Fracture

My appt with Dr. P, the orthopedic surgeon, was great. He took time to listen to everything I had to say and then after reviewing the MRI decided to take x-rays of both ankles.

Appointment Outcome: Bilateral Fibula Stress Fracture

That's right, I have stress fractures on both ankles (fibulas)!!!! I think he was surprised that I was walking as good as I was, although I did tell him that I had an extremely high tolerance for pain. And I told him that I almost threw-up after swimming, so he said that the pain would be intolerable, if I were a normal person. Yeah, me normal??? No way! LOL!!!

So that means...No running, rope jumping, jogging, swimming or other activity which hurts either or both ankles for 4-6 weeks from today.

I have to go out and purchase another ankle support for right ankle…no biggie and much, much better than a cast or some silly leg braces!

Pain Medication - only Tylenol. It seems that anti-inflammatory meds and aspirin impede bone growth. Learned something new today!

Per Dr. P acceptable activities include…

• Walking - once either ankle hurts, stop and next time reduce distance by 25 percent.
• Walking Dogs - once either ankle hurts, stop and next time reduce distance by 25 percent.
• Recumbent Bike - 5 minutes per day, increasing by 2 minutes every five days up reaching up to 20 minutes. Dr. said anything more than initial 5 minutes could result in making things worse or stressing another part of my leg/ankle.
• Weight lifting - no squats, lunges, leg extensions, etc…
• (Lots of extracurricular - I'm sure Drew will be thrilled! LOL!!!!)

Next appt is in two weeks and he'll probably do one more set of x-rays at the end of the six week healing time to make sure all is okay.

At least I know for certain what is going on and what I can and cannot do…and how long it will be until I'm back in action!!!!

Time to take the crutches back! ;P

What an Evening!

Wow, it's the times like this with Drew which makes me wonder why I even wrote the stuff below...

Drew came over tonight for dinner. I made oven fried chicken and green bean casserole...First time ever making any type of fried chicken and I have to say that it wasn't too bad. Apparently, I am a very good cook, as Drew compliments me all the time on my cooking.

Drew is normally not overly affectionate, but tonight he really threw me for a loop. After dinner, he offered me a massage and a little somethin' extra! I was so shocked I just sat there on the couch. Drew pulled me towards him and started rubbing my back, my neck, my shoulders, my hair... Eventually, I sent him to the bedroom and told him to get naked. Sorry, no details there... ;)

He is also not normally a kisser, but tonight...hug hello, little kisses on the couch, kisses and hand holding in the bedroom, kisses good-bye. This is huge for him. Typically, Drew barely kisses at all... I am still in shock and he left over an hour ago...

We talked about all kinds of things tonight. Maybe I'm just shocked at how the evening played out...but I am just completely floored at how open he was.

I would have liked him to stay...but I'll take what I can get. And I don't want to scare him off! ;)

I wrote the following while at work today. I was feeling a little scared and unsure of things. Time with Drew, like the time we spent tonight, wipes those unsure feelings away. In fact, tonight felt much like the weekend we spent together prior to the "talk" and me feeling him pull away...only better.

I almost feel like erasing what I wrote at work, but I will leave it. I'm leaving it because I will now admit to myself that I am falling in love with him and I am scared of getting hurt...and part of me thinks that he may pull away again. I don't know...I just know that I can be 110% me and that I feel at peace when I am with him.

Any who...here's my musings from earlier in the day...I was planning to write more about them, but I'm just going to leave as is... No point writing more and possibly ruining what turned out to be a completely great evening!

Just one final thought about tonight's new Drew...is it possible that...no, I won't go there...I'll just make my way to bed and peacefully float off to sleep...

Is it really love OR is it something else…

I hate to even admit it, but I keep floundering and questioning myself regarding what is going on with Drew and I.

There is a big, big part of me that really and truly enjoys the time we spend together, the conversations we have, the way we can just be together, the feel of his skin under my fingertips, they way he smiles at me as if sharing a secret only he and I have, the witty banter we share when teasing each other…

But because he was non-committal during our "talk" there is also a part of me that wonders whether or not I should be taking things further, wonders whether or not we could possibly have any sort of future together, is afraid he will say that he wants to move on…and my heart will be crushed into a million pieces…

It's the small part of me that is wondering and afraid which puts doubts into and is causing internal conflict in my mind. I debate back and forth every so often about what to do and what is actually going on…and wind up only upsetting myself. But then the weekend comes, we are together and all the doubts I have fall to the weigh side…

Perhaps it is because I believe (I don't know and maybe that is part of the problem?!?!) that I love him that I am feel fearful, uncertain and wonder about things.

Orthopedic Surgeon Appointment Scheduled

OMG, dealing with the American Healthcare System is a royal pain in the a$$!!!! I have been on the phone off and on the entire day trying to get an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon regarding my fractured fibula.

Series of events/phone calls throughout the day...

• Call sports med. Dr. to see if they could get me in to see orthopedic Dr.….no such luck. They gave me orthopedic Dr's number and said that their office would be calling.
• Orthopedic Dr office doesn't call, I call twice and go into voicemail.
• Orthopedic Dr office finally calls me and I get the run around regarding getting an appt soon…finally get an appt with someone for tomorrow.
• I call my primary care Dr. for a referral to the orthopedic Dr., get voicemail which instructs to hang up and call to speak to a live person.
• Call primary care Dr. back, talk to live person and am instructed to leave a message, so I leave a message with pertinent info.
• Primary care dr. eventually calls back and says that Orthopedic Dr is out of network, so we find another orthopedic surgeon…which happens to be the same surgeon that Drew saw for his knee.
• Call orthopedic Dr. #2 office, can't get into see him for two weeks, make appt for Wednesday to see his associate orthopedic Dr. #3.
• Call primary care back to get referral for this guy, go to voicemail.
• Call again primary care again, talk to person and she thinks that I can go see Dr. #3 but get referral for Dr. #2 and all subsequent visits with Dr. #2. Says she will call me back if any problems with referral and no call means all is good.
• Call orthopedic Dr #1 office to cancel appt. They say they have never heard of being out of network and reluctantly cancel appt.

So far no call back from my primary care Dr and it's been at least an hour…hopefully all is well with the plan for Wednesday's appt. with Dr. #3.

Funny that I am going to see same guy that Drew saw…small world…and quite the coincidence…

This evening I have to pick up x-ray and MRI films… I'll be driving around to two places after work.

My ankle is hurting off and on today…it didn't hurt all freakin' weekend and I did a helluva lot more walking and what have you this weekend. Maybe I'm just thinking about the possibility of walking on it and really screwing it up… given it IS broken (fractured)… Who knows what kind of damage I've done the last two plus weeks…. Walking all over the place, swimming, recumbent biking… Unreal that I can even walk on the dang thing without it hurting like a mother. It does give a little twinge every now and then when I step on it the wrong way. Hmmm… I dunno! LOL!!! I sure don't know much as of late!

Looks like the crutches will be getting their first real use while I'm out and about this evening. And I suppose I should be using them at work, too. Perhaps I will have to leave my laptop in the office….so that I'm not lugging the dang thing from here to kingdom come.

::sigh::

At least I have an appt this century, okay this week… ;)

Love...

It's happened...

What more do I have to say...

Love...

Fracture

I got a call yesterday that my MRI final report stated:

Impression: findings consistent with nondisplaced fracture of the distal fibula which may be related to stress fracture.

Lovely...looks like I won't be running or doing any cardio for a while. Guess I'll have to focus on lifting weights for now...get all buff! LOL!!! Yeah, right...;P

I'm instructed to stay off the ankle and use crutches... Nice... Like two weeks of walking around and what have you was good for my ankle...what is a couple more days? Not likely I'll be using the crutches around the house with two dogs and somewhat confined quarters.

Average healing time of a fracture is 4-6 weeks from what I've read. I'm getting an appointment with an orthopedic specialist next week...hopefully Monday.

Going bonkers today...it's raining like crazy...and I'm stuck in the house doing nothing.

Drew is coming over later with drinks and snacks, so I don't have to walk anywhere... He was over last night and stayed, but had a swim practice thingie this a.m...

Hmmm...Maybe I'll get lucky! Don't need a good fibula for that! LOL!!!