Aries

Planning on talking with Drew this evening. 

Here is today's horoscope, fairly appropriate…

Use your naturally warm personality to help melt the cold shoulder you've been getting from someone you work with or see daily. It's a fun challenge for which you are perfectly ready, right now! Send them a sweet email that offers some genuine compliments. Tell them what a cool person you think they are. Consider this your last chance to get through to them, because it just might be. If they don't respond to your overtures today, just move on. It's their loss.

Yup…if I don't like what I hear in response to what I have to say…

His loss. 

But I'll still be really sad.

Peeee-u!

Drew was planning on coming over tonight after a work party. I was planning on having "the talk" with him.

He showed up an hour and a half late. I told him that I didn't think he was coming over because it was later than I anticipated and that I did not even get a courtesy call from him saying he was going to be late. He was buzzed up...and defensive. It was not the time or place to be having "the talk".

He stayed over for a while... I made us each a sandwich since I hadn't eaten yet and he needed to eat, we talked about misc stuff and he was okay to drive when he left.

And no big surprise that he was on match or checked his email and looked at a match email less than an hour ago. No excuses for this one. ::shaking head::

Disappointed...again.

Any who...I'm going over to his place Thursday. I invited myself over for the sole purpose of having "the talk" even though I told him I want to see his new buzz cut. I am brave and deserve more and since both of us will not have been drinking...I am going to bring things up and have "the talk" with him.

A friend of mine gave me the book, "he's just not that into you" because...well...they want me to wake up and smell the coffee.

I've smelled it. It stinks.

So why is it that I'm still wishing he tells me I am reading his actions incorrectly. Why do I wish this when I feel in my gut how he feels about things. Why do I make up excuses in my head for him? Why do I want to be with someone who treats me like this? Why do I value his friendship so very much? Why do I wish...all these silly school girl things about him? Why do I torture myself over this day after day?

Gosh, I think I stink, too.

Music

I think I'm finally ready to face the reality of the situation between Drew and I.

Drew and I will never be anything more than very, very good friends. In fact, I'd have to say right now he is one of my best friends... I certainly hope it can stay that way.

And I hope I can get through this weekend without spazzing out.

Tomorrow is Drew's bday. We'll be spending the evening together. And I want it to be nice for him.

But Sunday I think we are going to have to talk about our friendship/relationship.

I deserve to be happy.

And I think I am Finally ready to face the music.

Short End

I was talking with Drew tonight...

Last weekend we had talked about him coming over Friday (tomorrow) after going over to his brother's for a birthday dinner. His birthday dinner...don't even get me started about him not asking me to come with him... And then spending Saturday evening together having dinner and relaxing together...

Tonight he says he's not sure what's going on tomorrow after dinner...that he may stay night at his brother's. Huh? Okay, so he does have swimming practice early out that way...but still. And then when I ask about Saturday, he teases that yeah we can spend Saturday together...

Drew is a big teaser, but it is really starting to wear on me.

I'm disappointed that he changed his plans and just told me tonight. Big whoop that he may come over...maybe not... It's the leaving me hanging that bothers me...even though he said that if something came up that I should go ahead and go out... Whatever. ::shaking head::

It seems as of late that I am constantly being disappointed. We are obviously on two different pages of the relationship book.

I want more and it is becoming more and more obvious that Drew is not going to give me what I want/need from him. Something has to give and it's not going to be me...

It would be easy for me to go out with someone else... But I don't want someone else, I have no interest in anyone else, I don't even want to look. I want to be with Drew.

Even though I want to be with him...I'm tired of getting the short end of the stick...and as time goes on there is less and less of the stick to hang on to...

McD...

Six months ago, I broke up with McD. (McD and I dated for over a year and broke up late April/early May)

Last night, I get a call from a friend/coworker telling me that McD got married.

Two weeks ago, I saw McD in the hall outside the cafeteria and he would not even acknowledge me...let alone say hello. WTF?

How am I feeling about this?

Both my friend and my sis, who I had to call and tell, asked me this... How do I feel about it? Good question.

I suppose initially I am shocked. Wow... Unreal...

After the initial shock, I thought... I hope he is happy. I hope he made a good choice. I hope that he didn't marry rebound girl. And then I thought: Rebound girl!!!

I also thought...maybe this is why I had been dreaming about him being with another woman and me watching in on him. Yuppers, in the last month I think I dreamt about him twice being with another woman and me looking on...

Today I find out that he was married in October, which means that he had only known this woman for what...four or five months... I just hope he knows what he's doing...especially since she has four kids and they live with them full-time.

I don't wish McD any ill will. I will say that I was completely floored to find out that he got married so soon.

I think I am floored becaus perhaps I am a little jealous of his happiness or what I perceive as his happiness. That he was able to find someone willing to commit themselves completely to him. Guess I wish that was me. NOT that I want to be married, but I do wish I felt as if I had someone I was happy with and able to grow old with... I don't want to grow old alone...that's one of my biggest fears.

I am happy for him. I guess I just feel sorry for myself and not entirely happy with the situation I've put myself in.

Sooner or later it will be my time... I know it. I just have to be patient.

In the meantime, I will rejoice in all the love and happiness the couples I know have together! :)

Here's to love and commitment!!!! :):):):)

The Ford Story

Check it out... http://www.fordvehicles.com/thefordstory/

Dribble...

Didn't bring up the match thing tonight with Drew...but that's okay. I've made enough comments over the last few days and I don't want to overwhelm the poor boy! ;P

Not really sure what I want to write about...

Turns out I am going to have to take my daughter for the birth control shot. She doesn't have anyone to take her. Even though she and her friends are 16 going on 17, none of them drive! Argh! Oh well. I'm okay with taking her. Jaba is an ass and if doing what I need to do to keep my daughter from having an possible uh oh gets me into court difficulties...so be it. My daughter is almost 17 and it's only another year of dealing with the b.s. of Jaba, so...whatever will be...will be.

Went out the other night with my sis. We had dinner with my mom, lobster - yummy!, then went bar hoppin'... When I got home the dogs had dug a hole in the carpet. Monsters! They are just monsters!!! Of course, it's not anyplace that could be easily covered up either. So I get home from work today and the hole is now through the padding! WTF?!?! I've been talking about ripping the carpet out, but sheesh! At least the hardwood underneath looks good. :)

Joined www.facebook.com a few weeks ago to find folks for my reunion. Not only did I find old high school classmates, I wound up finding lots of old IVF Friends!!! It's great! I lost touch with so many ladies...now I can see how they and their little miracles are all doing!

Still going strong at the gym. Been jumping rope, doing the elliptical, as well as, some weight training. I recently added running a couple laps around the track...so far, so good. If my ankles hurt, I stop doing whatever it is that's hurting them... Baby steps! I can't wait to be back running a couple miles a day... Gosh, I miss it...more than I ever thought I would.

Filled up the tank (as in the gas tank of my car) for $18.50 USD on Saturday!!! I had a little less than .25 tank and filled her right up! Can't believe it...just a couple months ago $25 USD barely gave me .5 a tank. I'm thankful for these little things.

...and that's about it...

You'd think I should be tired. I was so out of it this a.m...now I am wide freakin' awake. Completely unreal.

Tomorrow is another day! ;)

Added: OMG!!!! Drew was here, at my place, tonight. He told me that he was having computer issues today at home. He left around 10ish after the Wings game... He was just online - read a match email or something! WTF? This shit has to come to an end... I hate feeling this way.