Lazy, Busy Day

Seems to be a lazy, but busy day...if a day like that is at all possible.

Got up, showered, did a little research for Drew, ran some errands, doing laundry, made lunch, relaxed a little and now I'm typing this...

The past week has been horrendous at work. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that hasn't been filled with talk of people being let go. I had quite the scare Thursday night. I tried logging on to my work laptop many, many times...even rebooted...no luck. I thought for sure my ID was deleted from the system and that I was going to get a phone call. That's how they've been getting rid of the contract folks at work...a phone call on a Thursday night telling you not to come in the next day. Nice, huh? So, from around 7pm till 9pm I was a complete and utter mess and spazzing every time the phone rang. Luckily, it was a false alarm.

Earlier this week, I went over Drew's and we went to a softball game. He knew lots of the guys and introduced me around. We also talked about his MRI and Dr. appt. Seems his knee is shot from all the ironman triathlons he's done...so he needs surgery. Looks like I'll be playing nurse for a few weeks while he recovers. Surgery late August...so no Chicago trip. Fine with me, I don't have any money! ;P

Yesterday we had a Car Show in front of our building at work. It was a nice break to get away from things. I met Drew and we walked around aimlessly looking at cars for about an hour. He asked if I wanted to come over later, so we hung out at his place for a few hours last night. Nice, relaxing, completely at ease...

I'm dropping my daughter off at my mom's later today for the rest of the weekend and maybe a few days...

Drew's coming over later. If it's not raining, we'll walk the dogs, make some dinner, hang out for a while...maybe watch the Tigers... Then if it's not raining in the a.m., we're going out to the lake and Drew is going to do one final open water swim before his big 10K race. Hopefully, it will be nice and sunny and I can catch some rays while he's swimming. He has some bbq thing with the folks he's doing the race with, then he plans on coming back to my place in the evening.

My training is coming along. I ran 3-4 miles almost everyday this week. Yesterday I did some cross-training. Today will probably be a day off, no time to squeeze in a workout...but maybe I can do some crunches, push-ups or somethin' here at home...

I talked with Denver a couple times this week. Things are settling down for him. He think he's found a roommate...and we're both looking forward to our long weekend in two weeks...

Hmmm...other than that...not much to report...

Oh yeah, Jaba is still up to his usual tricks. He still refuses to pay anything towards my daughter's therapy which means he owes me almost $200...which could pay for clothes for my daughter and a trip to Cedar Point she wants to go on next week. What a putz.

Not much to complain about, a lot to be thankful for. Things could be a lot worse, but I try not to think about them.

Well, off to finish my lazy, busy day... ;)

Second Recommendation Received

Soon the custody shit will be over. We have the Recommendation from the Family Evaluator and it's pretty much the same as before, joint custody, shared time... I had three factors in my favor the rest were neutral. Jaba had nothing in his favor and the evaluator actually found some of his responses "disturbing". Yup, imagine that?!?! LOL!!! Heck, the evaluator found that my house was the more stable of the two...fancy that! ;P

I know Jaba will never agree and I am fed up with the system and am done putting my daughter and myself through any more undo stress and frustration. I've talked to my daughter and she is in agreement. I told her that if we don't get additional time together, that she is always welcome to come to my house any time...day or night...

I still think she was hoping that Jaba would see what a fuck up he is and change his ways. No such luck. He's still acting like the selfish bastard that he is.

Whatever the Judge rules when we go back is what it will be... Hopefully, we'll have a court date soon.

I can't see how this process is in the best interest of anyone....children or parents...

Is it Possible...

Written Saturday:

...to have feelings brewing for more than one person?

I had drinks with a friend of mine last night and the subject of seeing more than one person at a time was brought up ever so briefly. I just don't know how to handle things with men as of late. I've not really dated more than one person at a time, so this is so very new to me. While it's fun and exciting...

There is a part of me that feels guilty..

There is a part of me which is extremely excited to have Drew coming home tomorrow... I so hope that he's not too tired to see me. Even if we just hang out for a while, I soooo want to see him. To talk to him. Just be...with him... I feel at ease and so at peace when I'm with him. Except for the times I'm trying to figure him out~ LOL! As in what asking me to Chi-town in September to watch him open water swim means...

There is part of me which is very much looking forward to Denver coming to town in a couple weeks... I still wonder what really could be. Obviously, we've been emailing a bit since the disaster. I can't help but wonder what is really between us. His emails make me smile to the point I just can't explain. And freaking because he's already asked me to come out and visit him at the end of September.

I'm going to have to tell the cute, funny, bald guy that I'm not really interested right now... This a.m. I spent a while putting in time on match...so that I met the requirements. One more email this month... The four I wrote today were a thank you, I've met someone (meaning Drew), good luck...

As for Drew... I'm wondering if part of my attraction to him is the pursuit or the fact that I want him all to myself...or that we actually get along so well...I've been told by my sis that we seem like an old married couple!

Written today:

I'm really not sure what I want. A part of me wants to have fun...live life and forget about all the relationship B.S. BUT there is a part of me that is willing to take a leap of faith. And there is a huge part of me that doesn't want anyone, including myself, to get hurt. I think that is why I need to know where Drew and I stand. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to get hurt.

As for Denver, he is still coming out and as of now, still going to stay with me for part of his trip. I know some may think I've lost it...but I need to know for certain whether or not the spark we have is just "online" and not in real life. In fact, he's already asked me to come out and visit at the end of September...

I feel so torn... Neither man has brought up being committed... I don't know why I feel the way I do, other than I've never been in this type of situation before. And everyone I've talked to seems to think that dating more than one person is okay... I just don't know.

Maybe there is a part of me that wants a committed relationship. But I have to say there is a big part that is dead set against it! ;P I'm thinking this is why I don't broach the subject...

::sigh:: Who'd have thought that this could be so hard?!?!?! LOL!!! Definitely not me...

So, is it possible to be falling for more than one man...

I certainly think it is because I am...or should I say that I have...

Missing Drew...

Drew is off on a weekend golf extravaganza. He stayed over Wednesday and left from my house on Thursday a.m.

While we were laying in bed talking Wednesday night, he asked me to go to Chi-town with him in September to watch him do an open water swim. I told him that I needed to check to see whether or not I had my daughter.

I think he is finally starting to open up and make some attempts to be more boyfriend-like... He was even holding my hand while cuddling Thursday a.m...not like him at all!

It scares me because I like him. And as much as I like it, I'm not sure I'm really ready for it.

It also scares me because I miss having him around...even though we mostly email during the day...I hate to say that I actually miss him...

Hopefully, I can see him for a bit when he gets back on Sunday.

From Denver

Told Denver what I was thinking and why. His unedited response:

• not married....never been married....I was embarrassed and should have waited till the end of the month....my mom died and I was over there with you with her calling....not too stressful for me eh? Anyway tell the doubters I'll send them a Death Certificate, a picture of the deed to the house with just my name on it, my life insurance policies with my nieces names, and in 2-3 weeks they and/or you can call me 24/7 and you can visit anytime.....having said that.......sound like smart people giving good advice and I don't blame them or you.

I've not doubted him...but the entire situation left my head spinning...

Training

Today: Three miles...28 minutes.

Overall workout: Stretching, three mile run, jog another .25 mile, do some sprints, jog/walk and end with more stretching.

Chapped Lips

OMG, I hate to even admit this, but I have a chapped upper lip from kissing Denver...

A small portion skin above my upper lip is now peeling...

I can't stop playing with it...

And all I can do right now is think about the good part of the time that Denver was here...

He emailed me and said that he would be calling to talk about what happened.

Call me crazy, but I really want to talk to him.

I need to get answers to my questions and I really do want to talk to him. I need to hear in his voice what is actually going on.

He continues to stress that he is not married and most of me believes him...

Although there is part of me that is saying that I should walk away now...that I should forget about him..

But I can't...and I don't want to...even though I do...

I know it doesn't make sense. I can't figure it out myself, so how should I expect anyone else to make any semblance of sense about what is going on in my head...

Confusion...that is all there is from our first and only encounter...

Confusion and chapped lips...